


Bound Souls

by Red_H2O



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:46:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 67,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22305130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_H2O/pseuds/Red_H2O
Summary: Imps are the lowest members in Hell's society, but even among this oppressed group, Ego is a scavenger struggling to survive. Dreaming of a better afterlife from his home in the junkyard, his only companion is Id: a mysterious shadow-like being that is as powerful as he is offensive. This is the unlikely rags-to-riches story of two misfit souls.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12





	1. Humble Beginnings

The warm spring wind gently blows across the long grass at my feet, forming waves on the leaves like a verdant ocean. It seems to stretch eternally away from me in every direction, an endless green sea that tickles my ankles. I hardly notice it, though, as I stare intently at the figure before me. I would recognize his perfect figure anywhere, his pinkish-white fur billowing in the wind. I can barely speak, barely think, as I approach him cautiously. I reach out my trembling hand towards one of his right hands, whispering his name. 

"Angel Dust..."

He laughs his beautiful laugh and turns around quickly as my fingers touch his. Only his face isn't his. It's twisted into an all-too familiar snarling grin.

"Hah! Having another wet dream, Ego?!"

* * *

I wake up screaming, banging my head on the rusty pipe that lies right above my bed. Just like every morning. The ringing in my ears compliments the ringing of the pipe and the throbbing of my headache. Just like every morning. To top it all off, the shadow demon on the wall is laughing maniacally, slapping his non-existent knee. Just like every morning. I sigh heavily, rubbing my face with one hand and propping myself up in bed with the other.

"Id, could you please not fuck with my dreams?"

The demonic shadow on the wall finishes his chuckling with a loud guffaw.

"Haha! What, and miss you shitting yourself every morning? No way, Ego, you're a goldmine."

I sigh again, and turn to get out of bed. If only I were a goldmine. It would make my life easier if I had worth. I look out through the makeshift window besides my bed. Just about dawn in Hell. It would be beautiful if all the junk in the way didn't cast such eerie shadows on everything. Guess if that's what I'm complaining about, living in a junkyard must not be too bad. I reach down and grab my worn sneakers from the ground next to my bed, then shake them to get out any Hellrats. One falls out, surprising me very little, and hisses at me violently. I grimace and wave my hand at it in a shooing motion.

"Hey! Get out of here! It's not like I have any food either! Get going!"

It hisses once more, no longer considering me a threat or a benefit, and scampers away through a hole in the trash heap I call home. Id makes a disappointed noise as I continue to get prepared for the day.

"For Satan's sake, Ego, why not just kill it? It's a rodent! Worthless! If you kill it, you would be... I dunno, more than worthless?"

I frown as I pull on my tattered hoodie (complete with holes cut for my horns) and long-worn-out jeans.

"Why would I kill it? It didn't do anything to me."

I hear Id facepalm behind me as I walk to the dirty, cracked mirror on the far wall.

"For fuck's sake, of all the people to get stuck to, I have to be trapped forever with the biggest pussy in all of Hell."

I ignore his insults, being used to them by now, and stare into the portion of the mirror that remains unbroken. I guess I look average, for an Imp. I mean, a bit dirty, I guess, but that comes with the cards I've been dealt. My dark eyes are a bit sullen, I suppose. My red skin tinted brown with... what I hope is just dirt. My hair was probably blonde once. Hard to remember that far back. I attempt to comb my scraggly mop-hair into something that looks presentable, and Id speaks up again.

"Oooh, have a hot date tonight?"

I don't answer as he continues.

"No, wait, you're just going to go spy on that slut you like with your creepy telescope. As per usual."

I put down the mostly-broken comb, grimacing.

"He's not a slut..."

Another guffaw.

"Oh? Angel Dust isn't a slut? I'm sorry, he must just be a semen-based lifeform. Would explain all the cum he chugs."

He continues to laugh at his own joke as I grab my makeshift gadgets: a rusty telescope with a long-distance microphone on the end. A grappling hook made with a small anchor and some rope. My slingshot, Ol' Faithless, and some rusty bolts. Packing them into my crusty leather belt I decide to indulge Id and reply.

"He didn't choose that life. Neither did I. Neither did you."

Id grunts in annoyance.

"Yeah, tell me about it."

With that, I open the makeshift door to the outside world and we step outside. A boy and his shadow.

* * *

A usual start to the day: getting some breakfast. The dumpsters behind Evil Donuts usually have some not-so-stale bagels, so I head there first. It's not such a long walk from the junkyard to the downtown area, especially if you take the side routes. I always take the side routes. No one wants to see a dirty Imp, as Id is so quick to inform me. I dodge comments from him on my way to the shop. In the distance the large clocktower continues its countdown to the next demonic culling. The last one way only a few days ago, or so I've heard. The angels never really touch the junkyard. Don't blame them, really. As these thoughts help the time pass and aide in drowning out Id, I make it to the donut shop before too long. I try to pry open one of the dumpsters as quietly as possible; last time I was too loud I annoyed the owners, and the bump from being hit with a full bottle of rancid milk sticks around a long time. Id speaks up as I rummage inside the bin.

"So, lover boy, did you pick this joint because you really love a good week-old Boston Creme, or is because your precious spider is just down the road?"

"A little of both." I reply, which makes Id snort in disgust. He's not wrong, though. As I pick out a relatively worm-free pasty, I sit down besides the dumpster and look off towards the Hazbin Hotel, munching slowly. I sigh, this time wistfully. It looks so beautiful, and not just because Angel lives there. The entire building really is a spectacle. I mean, how did they even get an entire cruise ship on the side?! I muse this to myself as I finish my bagel, with what I can only hope is cream cheese on it. I then hoist myself to my feet and make my way towards my usual spot near the hotel: a small building about a block away from the imposing tower.

It doesn't take a lot of time to find my usual climbing spot, especially since my grappling hook has the unfortunate property of chipping off a bit of the roof whenever I ascend. Regardless, I toss the anchor onto the roof as I have so many times before, and deftly scale the burgundy-brick building. Once on the roof, I retrieve my hook and move toward my little nook behind the air conditioner. My trusty blanket is still there, although I doubt anyone would want it. I plot down and pull out my telescope, aiming it towards the hotel. Angel's room is towards the top, on the left side, and I find it as quickly as usual. I frown, though. He's not home, possibly out filming. Id interjects.

"Your imaginary boyfriend is probably out getting rammed or getting high. Or both. Probably both."

I shush him and keep looking at the hotel from afar, this time at the lobby area, where there is more action. The cat demon, Husk, is at his usual spot drinking a beer. I chuckle a bit. You could set your watch to how regularly he drinks. I then see the hotel owner, Charlie, walk into the room, accompanied by her possible S.O. Vaggie and the new arrival to the hotel, the Radio Demon, Alastor. I shudder, and Id takes notice, smirking.

"Hah! You're afraid of that old twig, huh?"

"I would be stupid not to be, Id."

"Ehh, he doesn't look so tough. If you give me the body I could probably take him-"

I hush him again under the guise of having to re-calibrate my microphone. Truth be told, I get sick of him asking to "use" my body, as he so delightfully puts it. I adjust my mic and look back through the telescope into the lobby. Charlie and Vaggie are still talking, something about making a jingle for the hotel. I frown, and muse aloud.

"Huh. Where did the Radio Demon go?"

Suddenly a static-filled voice from behind answers.

"Why, hello there, little voyeur!"

* * *

To say I jumped would be an understatement. Whirling around as quickly as possibly I fumble for Ol' Faithless, dropping all of my makeshift ammo onto the rooftop with a resounding clatter of metal on cement. I still raise my empty slingshot with shaking hands. 

He's right there. Towering above me stands Alastor, microphone staff in hand, crooked smile on his face, the whole deal. The real deal.Neither of us make a sound other than my shallow hyperventilating. I seems to tilt his head from side to side, like a beast examining an insignificant morsel. Eventually Id opens his big mouth, breaking the silence.

"'Sup?"

Alastor looks at the shadowy figure stretching out from my feet and onto the rooftop. He raises an eyebrow, and somehow manages to smile wider.

"What is up indeed! Nice to meet you two, I'm Alastor! But I suppose you already know that." He says, nodding towards my telescope, which I quickly attempt to hide. Eventually my nerves return and I stutter out an attempt at a sentence.

"I-it's not like... I'm not... you're not..."

Alastor chuckles devilishly.

"So, you aren't spying on the hotel, then? You know, stealing entertainment is quite the crime..." I swear I can see symbols float around his head as he says that. Id speaks up again, a large smirk on his face in spite of the situation. Or maybe because of it.

"Nah, he's not spying on you, Al. Can I call you Al? I'm calling you Al."

Alastor snaps his head towards Id, remaining silent. Id continues.

"Nah, see, my forced colleague here has a hard-on for that spider whore you employ. Spends all day up here wanking to him and-"

"I do not!"

I shout at Id, snarling at him as best I can, ignoring Alastor in my anger. I begin counting on my fingers as I shout.

"First of all, Angel Dust is not a whore. Second of all, I love him, it's not a "hard-on". Third of all, I do not spend _all day_ up here! I go get food sometimes and take bathroom breaks! So go to Hell, Id!"

I stand there, breathing heavily after my outburst. Id pauses for a moment before responding.

"Uh, Ego? We're already in Hell, dumbass."

Suddenly Alastor doubles over with laughter which lasts a full minute or two before he wipes away a tear and speaks to us.

"Hahaha! Oh my stars, are you two just the most entertaining pair. Tell me, Ego and Id, was it?..."

We both nod.

"I'd like to know a bit more about you two. If you both have a moment to spare, I think your story would be worth hearing."

* * *

Alastor sits with me on the roof for a long while as I explained who I am and how I got here. I tell him about dying back in 1995 from suicide after a lifelong struggle with schizophrenia. As it turns out, it wasn't actually schizophrenia, it was really just Id being tied to me all my life, and now all my afterlife. Neither Id nor I know where Id came from, or why he's stuck with me. I tell him about my life in the junkyard, my daily life of squalor, and I reluctantly tell the Radio Demon about my love for Angel Dust. The entire time I spoke Alastor sat cross-legged, staring at me with intent that simultaneously made me feel comforted and analyzed. After what must have been a couple hours I ran out of things to say.

"So, uh, that's my life. And afterlife. Sorry if we're not that interesting as we first seemed..."

I glance away from Alastor in a strange shame. I was still afraid of him, but I felt like if he wanted to kill us, we'd already be dead. Suddenly Alastor reached out and put his clawed, immaculate hand on my filthy shoulder, startling me. It had been a long time since someone had willingly touched me. He smiled at me, with a grin that seemed both friendly and conniving. 

"Nonsense, Ego, my boy! I see great things for you and your spectral companion! In fact, I would like to make you an offer!"

Id speaks up, frowning.

"Yeah, sorry, but we know better than to make deals with demigods."

Alastor laughs heartily.

"Hah! You two are brighter than you look! No, no deal here. Just an offer."

His eyes glowed a bit more, a deep red like molten copper.

"I would like you to work for me."

* * *

I sat there in stunned silence, and I think for once Id was just as speechless. I spoke first this time.

"Um. What?"

Alastor raised an eyebrow.

"I said I want you two to work for-"

Id interjected, regaining his usual crassness quickly.

"Yeah, we heard you, but why would you want us? I mean, I would get just wanting me, but why the dirty gremlin?"

I couldn't even be offended, I was so stunned. Alastor grinned wider.

"Ah, I see the confusion. Let me explain..."

Alastor stood up, walking around the rooftop as he spoke.

"At the moment, the hotel is woefully understaffed. I figure someone of your size and stature would make an excellent busboy!"

I glanced at my frail, malnourished arms before he continued.

"Furthermore, there is another reason..."

He paused and looked out over the hellscape, seemingly surveying everything from Heaven to the deepest pits.

"...Something is coming here. Something that may end up being too much for me to handle..."

My eyes widened in surprise. Id began to speak but I gave him a look and he actually shut his mouth. Alastor continued, facing away from us.

"The great thing about demons, my boy, is that only one thing can truly kill us. Unfortunately, that one thing lives right next door. One day I will be removed from the picture. Who will be here to be entertained by the chaos of this place when I'm gone?! That's why I want you to be... my apprentice."

Now everything was silent. The hot winds themselves seemed to stand still. The pentagram above seemed to halt its spin. I felt my breath stop in those few moments. I was nothing. Junk. And the most powerful being in hell wanted to train me for... what? To be evil? I rule Hell? Id actually looked at me in what seemed akin to panic, which I had never seen from him before. Suddenly Alastor whipped back around and grinned once more, his arms thrown to either side in a pose of presentation.

"So, what do you say? A roof over your head instead of under your feet, hot meals daily, and being close to Angel Dust?"

That last bit snapped me back to reality. In that moment I realized that Alastor had shown weakness. A chink in his armor. He could be afraid. He *was* afraid, and I could help him, even if I didn’t know how. No one ever helped me, and he was offering some form of kindness, even if it was for his own benefit. I looked down at the flat form of Id, who looked back at me with a similar determination. In unison, we both turned to Alastor and nodded before speaking together.

"We'll do it."

* * *

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the front doors of the Hazbin Hotel, with Alastor standing beside me. At that moment I couldn't really have a single emotion. It was such an intense mixture of fear, excitement, anxiety, happiness and back to fear that I eventually tried to focus on just not throwing up. Alastor seemed to sense this and patted me on the head. 

"Ready, my boy?"

I could barely speak and instead tried to nod. He chuckled.

"Good! Let's go."

As he swung open the doors extravagantly it occurred to me that I really, really didn't belong here. This point was amplified as everyone in the hotel lobby turned to look at me as we entered. Alastor half-walked, half-pulled me into the room, bits of trash and dirt being left behind with each anxious step I took. 

"Ladies and Gentlemen and Husker, I present to you the newest member of staff, our busboy Ego and his associate Id!" 

Id dismissively nodded from the floor while I looked on in awe at the demons I had normally just seen from a lens. Husk took a look at me, shrugged and went back to drinking. Charlie smiled sweetly, while Vaggie grimaced and held her nose.

"Uh, Alastor, that's good and all, but why does he smell like garbage?"

Charlie elbowed her friend gently in the arm and walked over to me, bending down a bit to make our acquaintances. 

"Nice to meet you two! I'm sure you're going to love working here!"

I could only stare up at her wide-eyed. My mind scrambled wildly for something to say, anything to say... Compliments! People like compliments! My brain tried to work with that.

"I... I liked how you beat up that news woman."

Fuck.

Charlie's smile wavered a bit while Alastor broke into hysterics once more.

"Uh... thank you?"

My mouth opened to try and say something halfway competent but I was interrupted by a slam behind me as the doors opened. I turned around and my heart stopped. It was him.

"Ugh, work was such a bitch." Angel Dust said, walking over to the fridge to get a Popsicle. I watched in blank awe as he pulled out the frozen treat and turned back to the group.

"So, uh, why does it smell like a dump in here?"

He began to walk in my direction as Charlie answered and I tried not to have a nervous breakdown.

"Angie, we have a new staff member! This is Ego and Id, the new busboy...s? Is it plural?"

Angel shrugged in indifference and sucked off the Popsicle in one smooth motion before dropping the stick on my head as he passed. 

"Good, we could use someone to lift shit! Let me know when he gets here, we need someone to take out that trash bag."

Vaggie pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Angel, that's not a trash bin, that's the-"

"Yeah, whatever toots. Listen, my ass is killing me, so I'm going to go take a bath. If you need anything, ask someone else. Ha!"

With a pair of finger guns he left the room via the elevator. As it slowly dinged upwards, Charlie turned back to me, sighing.

"Sorry about that, Angel can be... uh... well..."

But I wasn't listening, Angel Dust was right there. He *would* be right there. I was here now, even if I was just his trash can. Just then the small demon named Niffty came down the stairs in her bouncy way.

"Hey friends! Why does it smell so bad in-"

She stopped dead in her tracks upon seeing me. Alastor spoke up again.

"Ah, Niffty! I was wondering if you could be a dear and clean up this young-"

I didn't hear the rest of the sentence before Niffty put on a latex glove, grabbed me by the arm and forcibly dragged me into the staff washroom with more strength than I thought someone of her size could have.

* * *

The next several hours were a blur of vigorous washing of both me and everything I owned, accompanied by Niffty rambling about how I was going to clean up so nice and be a great friend with her. This was all underlain by Id laughing at me being manhandled by someone even shorter than I was. Satan knows how long later, Niffty placed a stool in front of a mirror and sat me down. The towel that had been around my scalp was whipped off as she spoke.

"Now, I know it may not be what you are used to, but keeping a good hygiene schedule is very important to... every... one..."

She trailed off as the towel was removed by her delicate hands. She seemed at a lack of words, but for some reason a heart had replaced the pupil in her eye. I heard her mumble something like "oh man you're snot", but I put it down as a passing insult. I was used to those. Truth be told, I was more focused on my reflection. Was that me? That demon in the mirror, with polished horns that seemed to reflect the light around them? That demon, with eyes that seemed a lot brighter than usual? That demon, with hair that actually was blonde and wavy, with not a speck of dirt. I reached out to touch the mirror. The glass wasn't broken. Maybe I wasn't so broken too.

Just then Husk entered the room, grimacing. Although I'm not sure if he has any other expression.

"Hey, new kid, I'm supposed to escort you to your room or whatever."

I stood up.

"Oh. y-yeah."

Picking up my newly cleaned gadgets I walked towards the door. On the way out I turned back to Niffty.

"Oh, thanks for cleaning me up by the way! You're really good at that!"

She didn't answer. For some reason small hearts were floating around her head, and she was drooling. I figured she must have been tired and followed Husk out of the washroom. He led me up the stairs to room 619, then unceremoniously opened the door.

"Ta-da. Enjoy."

He flicked on the light switch and the room was bathed in a reddish tint. I didn't know what to say. A single, actual bed sat against the back wall, and the light fixture above was covered in small crystals that seemed to make rainbows dance around the room. A large window gave a view of the downtown hellscape below. I stepped inside in a daze, but quickly stepped back in shock. The ground was squishy. I knelt down to touch it with my hands. A carpet. A shag carpet. Husk gave me a sidelong glance.

"Uh, you alright kid? On second thought, I don't care. I'm supposed to tell you that orientation starts tomorrow at eight, but honestly I didn't attend orientation so just do whatever."

I turned to look at the feline demon but he was already walking away, taking a swig from his flask as he walked. Standing back up, I took some delicate steps into the room. My new room. Id raised an eyebrow at the new surroundings. 

"Eh. Beats fending off Hellrats for a blanket. Could be better though."

I barely heard him as I walked to the window and looked out at the city below me as the lights flicked on one by one. I could see my junkyard in the distance, wafts of smoke from garbage fires contrasting the luminescence of the downtown at night. I stared at that place for a long time, before I crawled into my first real bed. As I lay there, consciousness drifting away, I realized something. There were new shadows on the walls from the lights outside. Only rainbows from inside the hotel.


	2. A Shadow's Rage

My first night in the hotel was a near-constant battle for sleep. On the one hand, I had never felt more comfortable in my afterlife, or mortal life, or pretty much any time I could ever remember. The bed was probably average for most demons, but after sleeping on semi-soft trash in a junkyard it was about as close to Heaven as I was likely to get down in Hell. However, I had trouble getting to sleep due to my excitement. It already felt like I was dreaming without closing my eyes: less than 24 hours ago I was fighting Firebadgers for scraps of stale bread, and now I was employed, in love and moving forward. Id was already asleep long before consciousness eventually failed. I sometimes wondered what he dreamed about, or why he needed sleep. Although to be honest, those questions were often pushed aside by his snide comments about me and anything I liked.

* * *

I awoke before dawn, not wanting to be late for my orientation. I gingerly turned on the chandelier, filling the room with rainbows once more. I was afraid to touch anything; it felt like at any moment I would mess up somehow and the entire world would end up being a beautiful dream. Id laughed at me as I got out of bed to prepare.

“Careful not to break a mirror, you might bring your bad luck back.”

He laughed, and I managed to nervously chuckle as well. Even if it was a joke at my expense, I could tell Id preferred this place greatly to the junkyard. 

Walking over to where I had haphazardly left my clothes the night before, I was surprised to find that they had been carefully folded and placed on the table near the door. Besides my clothes was what looked like a stereotypical bellboy outfit, complete with the flat-top hat. It was bright red with gold finishing and frills. On top of the uniform was a note written on pink paper with a message in gold ink. Picking it up, I noticed that it smelled like perfume, and that the penmanship on it was astounding. It read as follows:

“Dearest Ego,

Hi! Is that too personal? Too formal? Should I say hiya? Is that worse? Anyway, I hope you like the uniform I made! If you don’t, let me know, I made 12 other versions! Do you like the perfume? Is it too strong? It’s supposed to be lavender but I think it smells more like roses. I don’t like roses that much, they wilt too fast and their petals make a big mess. Oh, I was supposed to tell you that orientation is at 9:30 in the staff lounge! Charlie says that Husk was supposed to tell you that, but that she didn’t trust him to, so she had me tell you too! After orientation we can all have breakfast like a big family! Do like pancakes more than waffles? I like waffles more, because you can store the maple syrup in each little hole! It’s so tidy! I make great waffles, I hope you’ll love them! I’m really glad you’re at the hotel! See you soon!

XOXO,

With love,

Kind regards,

Niffty”

I smiled as I read the letter. No one had ever really done something like this for me before. I spoke to Id happily as I delicately placed the letter into the left drawer of the cabinet.

“Niffty is such a good friend.”

Id guffawed in his usual way.

“Sure. “Friend.” Let her down easy, shitlord.”

I looked at Id confused.

“What are you talking about?”

Id pinched the bridge of his nose as I put on the (surprisingly comfortable and well-fitted) uniform and looked at myself in the full-body mirror next to the table.

“Ugh. Look, your romantic ineptitude aside, you realize that uniform means that the cyclops loli was in this room last night and measured your naked body while you were sleeping?”

I opened my mouth to correct him, then realized he was right and nervously finished getting ready. As I left my room I made sure to lock the door.

* * *

The hotel lobby was fairly quiet as I descended the grand staircase. Only two things broke the silence: the ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner, and the snoring coming from the bar. Looking behind the counter I saw Husk, curled up like a cat next to a half-empty bottle of whisker. Someone had put a blanket over him, and it rose and lowered with his breath. I smiled. He looked so peaceful asleep. The clock gently chimed, making him stir a bit before returning to his alcohol-induced slumber. I turned to look at the timepiece. 9:15. Turning towards the door to the staff lounge, I noticed shadows moving in the light escaping the bottom of the entrance. Walking over to it I could hear a feminine voice softly humming. Peeking inside I saw Charlie preparing the orientation, papers strewn about a table in the center of the room and a large television screen on the far wall. I entered as she had her back to me, still humming. I spoke to announce myself.

“You’re a good hummer.”

Charlie span around in surprise before smiling at me. Id smirked and spoke before she could get a word in.

“You mean she’s a car, Ego? I hear Hummers break down pretty often.”

I frown as Id breaks out into loud laughter. I attempt to step on him to show Charlie that I don’t agree with him, but like always he’s untouchable. I turn back to Charlie and try to amend the situation.

“Uh, s-sorry about my other half here. He’s not always like this-”

“Yeah, usually I’m worse.” Id retorts smugly.

I turn to yell at him but Charlie laughs sweetly.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I get called worse on a daily basis.”

I give her a small smile. I know that feeling. The grandfather clock in the other room chimes again, and Charlie stands up straighter to seem more professional.

“Okay, orientation time!”

I sat at one end of the long dining room table, and charlie sat on the other, papers in hand. She began the orientation promptly.

“Okay, so, Ego and Id, I’d like to know more about you to get started. Alastor gave me a brief rundown of who you two are, but I have some additional questions. Ready?”

I nodded. Id shrugged in indifference.

“Okay. Question one. Why are you in Hell? Honestly, Ego, you seem pretty nice, but everyone is here for a reason.”

I blushed and looked at the table.

“Uh… I, uh…”

Id spoke for me, unfortunately.

“Casanova over here had a porn addiction and hung himself while having a wank.”

I glare in anger at Id, but Charlie cuts the tension, staring at us inquisitively.

“That’s it?”

I look back at her and shrug nervously.

“Uh, I think so? I don’t remember doing anything else bad when I was alive. I mean I downloaded some illegal music a couple times, but I’m not sure if that counts.”

Charlie raised her eyebrows and jotted down some notes onto a clipboard before continuing.

“Okie dokie then. Next question. What is your relationship to Id? Alastor said you both knew very little about Id. Is that true?”

I nodded solemnly.

“Yeah. He’s always been with me. Back on Earth they treated me for schizophrenia, but it was actually just Id talking to me.”

Id chuckled.

“Heh. Those quacks at the looney bin couldn’t tell lucifer from a lobotomy.”

Charlie nodded, seemingly satisfied with the answer.

“Fair enough. Okay, last question before we get to how your job will work: is Id able to help or hinder your ability to work here?”

I glanced down at the angry shadow creature by my feet before answering with a sigh.

“Id is actually pretty harmless-”

“Fuck you, no I’m not.”

“...except for verbal insults. As far as I can tell, he can’t touch anything without a physical form, and he can’t use my body unless I let him.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow.

“What happens if he gets control of your body?”

Id chuckled menacingly, moving to the wall behind me.

“Oh, then we have some real fun, eh Ego?”

I sighed again, sweat on my brow.

“Let’s… hope that doesn’t happen. Id is always angry, and very powerful. Last time he convinced me to let him take a joyride, half of the junkyard was turned into rubble… well, even more rubble.”

Charlie looked at me with surprise.

“Holy crap. How long was he in control?”

I gulp and look at the table as I reply.

“Two minutes.”

Id laughs triumphantly behind me.

“Oh man! Those were a kickass two minutes. Hey, pretty princess, you ever smell a Hellrat be burned on a tire fire? That’s some good shit.”

Charlie nods slowly before writing down a bit more on her clipboard. She gives us both a more serious visual once-over, before her smile returns.

“Well, as long as things are kept in control everything should be fine, right?”

I attempt to smile back and nod while Id harrumphs. Charlie stands up.

“Good! Onto the training!”

* * *

Charlie leads me out of the staff lounge and back to the lobby. She stands next to the elevator and takes a deep breath.

“Ooookay, so, the Happ… the Hazbin Hotel doesn’t actually have anyone checked in yet.”

Id snorts before Charlie continues.

“But that will hopefully change soon! And when we do get people here to be rehabilitated, we’re going to need someone to help them carry things. That’s where you come in!”

She beamed a smile at me and pulled out a paper from her stack of loose notes. As she handed it to me, I saw that it was a map of the hotel. Charlie continued speaking as I looked it over.

“The lobby is obviously where people check in. It’s going to be your job to take their bags from them and put them on the luggage carts we have in the basement.”

I looked down at the schematic, and sure enough there was a large underground area below the hotel. Several areas were labelled down there, including the furnace, generator, and the storage area. I looked back up at the princess and nodded before she continued.

“We have a service elevator that can reach any floor, including the basement, so you don’t have to lug the carts up the stairs all the time.”

I smiled at her, but she glanced away nervously.

“Uuuunfortunately, the elevator is broken right now.”

My smile faded away as Id laughed.

“We’re looking into getting a mechanic for the hotel. In the meantime, uh… look at it as some good exercise.”

I pushed down my feelings of disappointment. This was my first job. Lifting carts was the least I could do to repay Charlie for letting me live here. I looked back up at her determinedly.

“You can count on me.”

She looked back at us and smiled.

“Great! The rest of your job should be pretty self-explanatory. Bring the bags to the right rooms, be nice to the patrons, you get the idea.”

Id speaks up from the floor.

“Can we accept tips?”

Charlie laughs nervously.

“Uh, sure, but don’t expect new arrivals to be too generous. This is Hell. Oh, and don’t worry about room service. That’s Angel’s job.”

At the mention of Angel my eyes glaze over. I wonder if I could order room service… Charlie speaks up once more, breaking me from my thoughts.

“That should cover it all! Any questions?”

I think for a moment before Id interrupts.

“Do we get paid?”

I look down at him and shush him.

“Isn’t living here enough of a payment, you poor excuse for a doormat?”

Charlie laughs at my retort.

“No, Id has a point. While we will be providing food and accommodations, you will also receive a salary for anything you want to buy in the city. You’ll be paid for every resident you service.”

Id groans.

“Good. So, currently zero dollars.”

Charlie’s eyes lit up with hope.

“Just give it time, Id. Just give it time. Now, speaking of food, it’s breakfast time!”

* * *

Walking into the dining hall was like stepping into another world for me. The scents of fresh, hot food hit me like a truck and my mouth immediately filled with saliva. A long dining table was generously furnished with heaping plates of scrambled eggs, fruits and vegetables, various breakfast meats, on and on. The rest of the staff was seated at one end, with Alastor at the head of the table, grinning as Charlie and I approached. Angel sat next to Husk, who was pouring alcohol into his orange juice while Angel made lewd gestures with a smoked sausage. Charlie left my side to sit next to Vaggie near Alastor. Across from them Niffty sat, grinning at me wide-eyed. She had a maid uniform on below a “Kiss The Cook” apron, and I could tell that she had the same perfume on as the letter from earlier. She patted the seat next to her rapidly, gesturing for me to sit beside her. I sat down in a haze of hunger. Before I could say good morning she began to speak in a torrent of excite, making a plate for me as she rambled.

“Good morning, Ego! How you you today? You look nice! But you looked nice yesterday too, haha. Did you get my note? I guess you did, you’re wearing the uniform. Is it too tight? Too big? I tried to measure you without waking you up. Would you like waffles or pancakes? I like waffles more. Did I tell you that already? Aw, I’ll give you some of both, I made plenty! Would you like something to drink? We have orange juice, grape juice, apple juice, vodka for Husk, blood, boiling water-”

She continued on like this for a few moments as I watched her stack a mountain of food onto a dish for me. Glancing around the table, it was pretty clear that everyone had their own tastes. Husk’s plate was mostly empty, in stark contrast to his glass. Angel’s plate looked like a butcher’s shop as he easily slurped down sausage after sausage. Charlie and Vaggie looked at each other sweetly as they fed each other a little bit of everything. Finally I looked at Alastor, who, to my surprise, was looking right back at me. He was eating a modest looking salad, with no furnishings at all. It looked like something a deer would eat. He gave me a big smile and I attempted to give one back as Niffty placed the plate in front of me. I looked at the stack of food in awe. It was so big that I could no longer see Angel sitting across from me. I glanced at Niffty, who stared back at me expectantly. I smiled at her anxiously.

“Uh, thank you Niffty. It all looks delici-”

I was cut short as she forced a fork full of food into my mouth.

“Oh my gosh, thank you so much! I hope you like it! Here, try the eggs, I made them myself. Well, I mean, I prepared them myself, I don’t lay eggs, haha!”

After my initial shock my mouth was filled with an explosion of flavor. My eyes widened and I started to tear up, which Niffty noticed immediately and nearly began to cry.

“Oh, do you not like it? I can go make something different! Was it too much salt? I knew I put in too much salt. Do you-”

I held up my hand to her and took the fork out of my mouth, tears running down my face.

“Niffty. This is the best thing I have tasted in a long, long time. Thank you. Really.”

Niffty fell silent, strangely, seemingly going into shock from something. She looked happy, though,so I continued eating the first truly good meal I had ever experienced.

* * *

Days turned into weeks at the hotel. Charlie was correct to be hopeful: shortly after I began my busboy job several new residents moved in. Charlie and Vaggie became happily busy as they concocted various ways to rehabilitate the sinners, with Alastor providing funds for their projects. Even if he was just at the hotel to get a good laugh, he was nevertheless helpful. Besides, I was his apprentice, I had no right to criticize. Husk changed very little, unlike the bottle in his hand. Angel, on the other hand, showed up less and less at the hotel. I watched as he seemed to become more exhausted and nervous, constantly looking over his shoulder or glancing nervously at his phone. Whenever it buzzed he would visibly jump in panic. It hurt me to see him like that. I wanted to ask what was wrong, and if I could help, but my nerves were always holding me back. As for my own progress, I noticed myself changing for the better. My once malnourished body was kept healthy by Niffty’s cooking, and I noticed that lifting all of those bags was starting to help my physique as well. Id remained his usual self, throwing insults and backhanded complaints when he could. Strangely the hotel residents seemed to enjoy talking to him. Maybe he helped them feel humility; I have no clue.

It had been about three weeks since my new life had begun. I was returning to the lobby via the stairs (as the service elevator was still kaput), when I noticed Angel sitting on the couch near the grandfather clock. In his hand was one of those red beer cups, and it was shaking so badly it seemed like it would spill at any moment. He kept looking at the time, then back to his cup, then to his phone before repeating the routine. I took a deep breath before carefully walking over to the demon I loved from afar. I kept repeating in my mind that he’s a demon like anyone else, and that I  _ could _ talk to him without fainting. He didn’t seem to notice me as I stood next to him, still shorter than him even as he was sitting. Id looked at me sidelong from the floor, arms crossed as if to say ‘well, entertain me’. I gently faked a cough into my hand. Angel yelped in exclamation, flinging his cup across the room in surprise before covering his face.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry Val! I didn’t…”

He trailed off as he removed his hands from his face, seemingly realizing where he was. He looked down at me with those sweet eyes of his, tinged with more sadness than I have ever seen.

“O-oh, hey kid. I, uh, didn’t see you there.”

He laughed nervously before looking at the spilled liquor on the floor. He sighed and put his head in his hands. I wanted to reach out and hug him, to comfort him, to tell him everything was going to be alright. Instead I tried to ask him if he was okay, a relatively redundant question all things considered. I never got the chance as the front door to the hotel swung open loudly. We both looked towards the entrance, and Angel’s face went paler than I knew fur could go. Standing in the door frame was the most stereotypical pimp I had ever seen, complete with pink heart-shaped glasses, fur jacket and red tophat. Either side of him were some scantily clad women and men, two on either side, each carrying a long briefcase that resembled a guitar case. Despite their gaudy appearance, I could tell they were not to be trifled with, especially the pimp. They all entered the lobby in unison, the prostitutes taking in the decor while the leader stared at Angel. The slamming door drew Charlie, Vaggie and Alastor to the main room from the staff lounge. Charlie and Vaggie looked on in fear, while Alastor looked on in bemusement. After what felt like an eternity of silence the pimp broke the silence by spitting derisively on the floor.

“Hey, nice place you got here, angel cakes. I suppose this dump is where you go when you leave the studio, eh?”

I glanced down at Angel, who had a look of pure fear on his face. I frowned and looked back at the demon. He looked so familiar somehow… Suddenly Charlie interjected from across the room.

“Uh, hello Mr. Valentino! What a pleasure to have you grace us here! Are you here to be rehabili-”

Valentino shot her a hate-filled look, silencing her immediately. Vaggie put her arms around the princess, glaring at Alastor to step in. He looked back at her, shrugged, and kept watching. I stared at the demon taskmaster before me as the pieces fell into place. Valentino. One of the Overlords of Hell. A force of nature. Ruler of the entire underworld porn industry. Angels boss. Valentino seemed to notice me staring at him and snarled.

“You got something to say, twerp? Watch where you’re looking.”

I quickly averted my gaze while Id smirked. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Niffty had entered the room at some point, staring worriedly at the saliva Valentino had left on the floor. The sexual Overlord spoke up again, putting a hand on Angel’s cheek.

“Now, Angel, sweetie. What have I told you about leaving the studio?”

Angel seemed on the verge of a panic attack, reacting to her boss’s hand like one might react to a venomous cobra.

“N-not to?”

“And where have you been lately?”

“H-here…”

Valentino chuckled menacingly.

“Huh, I guess your head isn’t entirely full of cum after all. Now get up, bitch, we’re going back to the studio.”

He practically dragged Angel Dust out of his seat and towards the door. I stared at them as they went. I could tell he was hurting Angel, mentally and physically. A feeling of anger filled my gut, and my mouth seemed to move on its own.

“Hey!”

The posse of pornstars turned around, Valentino shooting me a murderous look.

“Do you have something to add, smallfry?”

I could feel the hatred in his eyes. Most of my brain was screaming at me to stop, or apologize, or something. My body ignored that common sense as I continued.

“Angel Dust isn’t some toy you can just lock in a box. He deserves respect.”

I could feel the tension in the room. Even without looking, I could sense that the rest of the hotel staff was staring at me in utter shock. Angel looked at the floor, almost in tears. Suddenly Valentino laughed loudly, and his prostitutes followed his lead.

“Hahaha! Well, if the little limp-dicked Imp doesn’t have some sort of spine after all!” 

Suddenly the facade of humor dropped instantly.

“Listen you little shit. Angel is my property. He exists to make me money. Know your place before you get yourself hurt.”

I clenched my teeth together. He was right. I was a nobody. Literally nothing. A speck of dust talking to a typhoon. But I couldn’t let Angel be hurt. I raised my hand towards one of the most powerful beings in Hell and extended my middle finger. The words seemed to flow on their own.

“Go fuck yourself, Valentumor.”

That was the best insult I could come up with on short notice. Valentino looked shocked for about 0.02 seconds before snapping his fingers at his hookers.

“Jizzabelle. Semonne. Sluttina. Johnny. Teach this piece of trash some respect.”

With that command, all Hell broke loose. The four sex workers each grabbed one of my limps, forcibly dragging me out the front door. Vaggie shouted at Alastor to do something, while Charlie attempted to pull the royalty card in my defense. I heard Niffty sobbing while Angel cried a few silent tiers. Next thing I knew I was outside in the middle of the street. I had a moment to take in the presence of some onlookers staring before the first blow hit my in the chest. A hard pointed stiletto heel struck me square in my lungs, followed by the rest of the strippers following suit. The pain was instant, a haze of agony washing over me. I could feel my lungs begin to fill with liquid, with more blood pooling on the cement around me. My arm made a popping sound as it was dislocated, yet the pornstars kept striking me over, and over, and over. An eternity later they applauded their work before heading back towards their boss at the hotel entrance. I could barely hear arguing in that direction, and crying. But I barely focused on that. Instead I looked at the ground next to me, where Id was giving me a knowing grin, hunger in his eyes. I used the last of my strength to speak to him.

“Id… you’ve got… five minutes…”

Then everything went blank.

* * *

The sensation of not being in a body is very strange. My eyes were closed, and I felt like I was floating. Every inch of my being felt tingly, like one’s legs after sitting on a toilet for too long. I must have died, again. Where do souls that die in Hell go? Maybe it would be somewhere nice. Or maybe I would wake up in the junkyard, and this whole thing would have been a beautiful dream. 

My daydreaming was interrupted as my hearing seemed to come back all at once. I could hear the far-off sounds of a small girl wailing in despair. A man was screaming at someone who was silent. Far away I could hear the wail of sirens. My eyes opened uneasily, and I realized I was standing in the middle of the street. Yet, when I looked down, I couldn’t see my usual body. It was like my eyes were floating, and beneath me was a shadow that looked like my usual form. That shadow was white as snow. I looked over to where the noises were coming from, and reality hit me like a bus. Niffty was sobbing into Husk’s coattails while Vaggie tried to console Charlie. Valentino was screaming at the top of his lungs at Alastor, who smiled at him innocently. The pimp was grabbing Angel Dust’s arm so tight I thought it might snap in two. I wanted to walk over to them, but I couldn’t move. I was nothing more than a painting on the sidewalk. Valentino said something about taking his property and leaving before heading to his limo, which was near I was ‘standing’. Alastor watched him move, but then turned his attention to me. His smile grew wider than I had ever seen it. Then I realized, he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at my body.

It was the dripping that got everyone’s attention. The arguing slowly quieted until the dripping was all that remained. The sound of liquid smacking into hard pavement. Now everyone was looking at my body, and I followed suit. Turning to where my body once was, I now saw a pool of blood surrounding a standing figure. His body was severely broken, his right arm hanging at an unnatural angle, blood flowing out of gaping gashes in his torso. Yet his face conveyed no pain. In fact, his expression was one of pure ecstasy. I heard Valentino turn to his pornstar companions.

“I thought I told you sluts to make sure he could never move again.”

One of the strippers replied with more than a bit of fear in his voice.

“W-we did, boss! He shouldn’t even be able to breath.”

I heard all this from my periphery. My eyes were trained on the body that was mine a few moments ago. The body laughed lowly, a gurgling chuckle that sprayed from blood on the ground. He spoke with a twisted, cruel version of my voice. A voice I knew all too well.

“Pain…”

Alastor laughed back before speaking to the hotel staff.

“I think now would be a good time to take a few steps back, wouldn’t you all agree?”

Valentino turned to Alastor in a rage.

“What the fuck is going on, Al?!”

My body continued, ignoring the bickering of the Overlords.

“Oh, pain… I haven’t experienced a high like this in such a long time…”

I frowned, but could do nothing. Id was my trump card. I spoke to him.

“Id. I said you have-”

He smiled, reaching his left hand to his dislocated right shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah. FIve minutes. Which means…”

He moved the shoulder back into place with a sickening pop before leaning back at an unnatural angle. Staring sidelong as the Porn Overlord with pure bloodlust in his eyes, Id reaching out his right hand and pointed to Velentino.

“...I only have 270 seconds left to make that arrogant fuck wish he never died.”

Valentino glared at Id before gesturing to one of the female strippers.

“Jizzabelle. Finish what you started.”

The demonic woman looked at her owner in fear, hesitating slightly before deciding that her boss was more threatening than I was. Putting on a persona of toughness she moved towards Id, who stared her down unblinkingly.

“Hah, I guess you really just want to play some more, huh? You little pri-”

I couldn’t feel the air move past my physical body as Id lunged forward, moving faster than I ever thought my small body possibly could, taking my shadow form with him. I didn’t feel any pain when Id’s right fist slammed into Jizzabelle’s stomach with the force of a steam train. I could only hear the sound of several of Id’s fingers breaking on contact, coupled with the chilling crunch from Jizzabelle that I could only assume was her spine splitting in two. I watched as she flew backwards at incredible speeds, crashing into some dumpsters next to the hotel. I couldn’t see the crash zone very well from where our body was standing, but I could tell nothing was moving. Everything seemed to be silent for a moment before everyone turned back to Id. He leaned backwards, arching his back at unnatural angles before cackling madly at the Pentagram above.

“AAAAHAHAHA! I haven’t felt this good in such a long time!” 

Id rapidly righted himself with an accompanying crack of our bones. He grinned maniacally at the remaining pornstars and their leader before growling in bloodthirsty joy.

“Who’s next?”

At this Valentino regained his composure and turned to his servants.

“Don’t just stand there you whores! Fucking shoot that thing!”

They didn’t need to be told twice. Hastily opening their cases they pulled out mafia-style machine guns and took aim. Id just smiled and rushed forward. As the triggers began to click he reached down to the street and picked up a manhole cover, holding it in front of himself. The bullets began to fly, some grazing Id’s arms and legs, but many becoming lodged in the makeshift shield. Before the sex workers could react Id was upon the nearest one, leaping into the air and slamming the metal disk into his face with a deafening thud. Id let go of the manhole cover instantly as the male prostitute flew back, landing a few feet away, the cover firmly embedded in his skull. Id wasted no time, grabbing the tommy gun the demon had dropped and swinging it like a hammer into the other male stripper’s knees. He screamed in agony as his legs buckled, falling forward. The shadow in my body pivoted quickly, bringing the bent gun down onto the back of his head, sending it slamming into the ground with a wet crunch. Cracks formed on the pavement where Id had landed the final blow. Breathing heavily, blood rushing quickly from my body, Id slowly stood up and smiled at Valentino. The Overlord actually took a step back before turning to his last hooker.

“Shoot him you…”

But she was no longer there, having run away some time ago. Valentino looked back at Id with the first signs of fear before regaining his rage.

“Fine! Never send a slut to do a pimp’s job!”

Valentino raised his palm towards my body and several leather whips appeared around Id’s arms and legs. Id did not resist, grinning madly at Valentino. Valentino grimaced in anger, clenching his palm into a fist. A portal appeared above my body and began to dump gallons of a foul-smelling white liquid onto my body. Id was coated instantly, unable to move. The liquid began to harden almost instantly forming a shell around Id. Then everything stopped. The portal closed, and no signs of life came from the white statue that encased my body. Valentino actually sighed in relief before turning to the hotel staff.

“This sort of insult is not going to go unrepaid. I hope you enjoyed your little joke business, because I’m going to make the whole thing come fucking crashing down! As for you!” He pointed angrily at Angel Dust, who seemed to be in shock at the whole situation. Val hissed at his employee.

“I hope you like taking four times as many dicks into that fucking big mouth of yours, because your little friend here…”

I stopped listening to them as a familiar voice entered my head.

“Hey, Ego. I have a way out, but it’s going to fuck up our body pretty bad.”

I looked over at the fear-struck members of the hotel staff. These people took me in when I had nothing. I nodded and thought back to Id.

“As long as we live through this, and no one at the hotel is hurt, do whatever it takes.”

Id laughed in my mind, a malign chuckle.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

I looked back at Valentino as he raised his hand to Angel, preparing to bring the back of it onto his face.

“And don’t you  _ ever _ talk back to me-”

He was cut short by a cracking sound, followed by a hissing whistle. Everyone looked at the cocoon around my body, which now had a small crack near my left hand. A red gas was escaping through the broken substance, making a whistling sound like one of Niffty’s teapots. Valentino stepped back from my body in genuine fear.

“What the… that stuff is as hard as diamonds… how is he…”

More cracks formed around the left hand, then began to spread through the white material, geysers of red gas escaping in weaker areas. As his left hand punched out with a loud crack, a large amount of red fluid fell to the ground along with the now-liquid white goo. Looking at it, I realized that Id wasn’t breaking the shell with brute force; he was melting it. I knew exactly what that red liquid was. It was my own blood. My own boiling blood.

A pressure explosion shattered the white cage that held Id, sending molten blood and bits of his own concoction onto Valentino. The Overlord screamed as some landed onto his fur coat, leaving burn marks. He quickly disrobed, tossing the valuable jacket onto the ground as it burst into flames. He then turned back to Id. To call the figure that emerged from the chrysalis a monstrosity would have been generous. Id was drenched in a bubbling, steaming layer of his own blood. It poured from every orifice on our body, even leaking from our eyes. It splashed onto the ground, burning through the cement like acid. But that wasn’t what caught my attention. What scared me was the look on Id’s face: a pure bloodlust that I had never seen from his before. Each hot breath he took released a torrent of steaming blood. He stared at Valentino before speaking in a gurgling, hellish growl.

“Alastor.”

I looked towards the Radio Demon, who was staring at the scene with a look of pure fascination on his face. 

“Yes, my young apprentice.”

“How long do I have left?”

Alastor pulled out his pocket watch and smiled.

“Just about 100 seconds left, exactly.”

Id smiled insanely.

“Good. Plenty of time.”

The bubbling mass that was my body stepped forward. Valentino backed away in panic.

“Wh… what the fuck are you?! Stay back! I am an Overlord! If you strike me, I will-”

He never got to finish his sentence. Id moved with astounding speed, bringing his steaming fist up into the pimp’s crotch like a sledgehammer. As Valentino bent over in severe pain, Id brought his knee upwards, striking the porn boss square in the teeth. Valentino fell backwards, crashing to the ground as Id leapt to his prey. We could only watch as Id brought his fists down onto the Overlord’s face over and over again, making a head-shaped hole in the road as Valentino’s head was smashed downwards repeatedly. His red-hot blood etched its way into the pimp’s once-handsome face, burning it beyond recognition. All the while Id laughed loudly, spraying more blood onto his target with each insane cackle. Fist after fist crashed into the poor demon’s face; eventually Id clenched his fists together, bringing them down like a jackhammer. Eventually Id stepped back, breathing heavily, blood oozing from every inch of our body. Valentino screamed in terror and excruciating pain. His face was a pulpy mash of teeth, skin and burn marks. Using what strength he had left, the fallen Overlord shaking got to his feet before sprinting wildly to a back alley. As he disappeared into the shadows of the city, both Id and I looked back towards the fear-struck, slack-jawed members of the hotel. Id smiled a crimson grin at them.

“Time’s up. That was fun.”

That was the last thing I heard before I was transferred back to my body, felt the worst pain I could ever imagine for less than a second, then promptly passed out in the street.

* * *

I had a strange dream after Id’s fight. For some reason I was standing in a long hallway. Paintings hung on one side of the path, but when I tried to look at them they seemed blurry. On the other wall was a series of windows to the outside world. It was raining heavily, with the occasional lightning strike illuminating the hallway. Strangely there was only one door, at the very end of the hall. I began to walk forward, not entirely of my own volition. I couldn’t feel my feet touch the hardwood floor, and my footsteps made no sounds. The door loomed ahead of me, seemingly an enormous slab of dark mahogany. I heard voices coming from within, and a red light flooded into the hall from beneath the doorway. Only a few snippets of conversation made it through the thick door. 

“...the sacrifice…”

“...must contain it…”

“...but he’s just a boy!”

That last line was followed by a loud thud, followed by a baby crying. I reached my hand towards the door knob, without wanting to open that door. I stopped just before touching the handle. My hand. My hand was different. I stared at my pale skin, my lack of claws. A human hand. Suddenly the door handle started to turn. Something was opening it from the other side.

* * *

I woke with a start, but immediately regretted that. My entire body ached, and when I tried to moan in pain I realized that my mouth was bound with some sort of fabric. I wearily opened my eyes wider I saw that I hadn’t been kidnapped, as I had first assumed, and was in fact in my bed at the hotel. The fabric was in fact medical bandages, and I was practically mummified from head to toe in the wrappings. Moving my head was nigh-impossible, so I tried my best to scan the room. At my bedside was Niffty, a towel in her hand and a bowl of water on the floor. She looked exhausted, dark bags under her eye, her hands cracked from being wet too long. She slept laid over my legs, snoring gently as she clung to me. Looking elsewhere, I saw that someone was asleep at the desk on the far wall. They snored much louder, and I could tell from their figure who it was. Angel Dust. He seemed just as exhausted, his normally pristine clothes wrinkled and stained. The room was dark, and glancing outside I could tell it was probably the middle of the night. Suddenly a voice whispered next to me.

“Hey, so you woke up. Took you long enough.”

I glanced at the wall next to me, where Id loomed over me, arms crossed. Despite his body language, he seemed actually happy, possibly even relieved that I was okay. Sensing what I was thinking, he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t get the wrong idea, idiot. If you die, how am I going to get permission to use the body.”

I tried to smile, then decided that was a bad idea. Glad to see Id was still himself, for better or worse. He then looked at Niffty and Angel before smirking cruelly and yelling at the top of his lungs.

“Yo! Bitches! He’s awake!”

Angel screamed and fell backwards out of his chair. Niffty yelped and accidentally squeezed my legs, making me moan loudly in pain. She immediately recoiled while Id burst into hysterics. Just then the door to my room opened, and the rest of the hotel staff rushed in, most of them in their pajamas. Husk glared at Id.

“Did you have to shout, dick? Some people are trying to sleep.”

Id wiped away the tears that weren’t there.

“Ohoho, shit that was good.”

I looked inquisitively at Alastor, who seemed to sense my confusion. He smiled at me, strangely devoid of its usual malice.

“Welcome back to Hell, my boy! You gave us quite a scare!”

Charlie nods in agreement.

“Yeah, we were all so worried about you. You’ve been out cold for a few days.”

Niffty beamed at me, tears in her eye.

“Yeah, I was so worried you wouldn’t wake up! Don’t worry, I didn’t leave your side the whole time. I cooled the burns too! Does it still hurt a lot? Can I get you anything?”

Angel rolled his eyes at Niffty.

“Uh, I don’t think Ego should be talking. Or even can talk, with the amount of bandages you put on him.”

Niffty scowled back at Angel.

“Hey, you helped me put them on! You didn’t leave his side either!”

Angel turned bright red and shouted back at Niffty.

“You don’t have to tell everyone that!”

I could only look on at the scene before me with a sort of strange happiness. Angel and Niffty were there. Angel knew my name. They cared. I started crying. Vaggie walked over to me, giving me a rare smile.

“Look, we may not all like Angel all the time-”

“Hey!” Angel retorted, pouting.

“-But everyone at this hotel is like family. What you did was amazing, and we can’t thank you enough.”

Id coughed loudly.

“Uh, why is bandage boy getting all the credit here? I’m the one who did the dirty work.”

Everyone paused before laughing, making Id fume in silence. 

* * *

Eventually everyone left the room. Charlie and Vaggie told me that once I was healed I could get back to work. Alastor gave me a knowing look and a wink, telling me that I was going to make a damn fine apprentice. Husk said very little, but offered to buy me a drink when I was better. Niffty was reluctant to leave, but eventually Alastor convinced her that what I needed now was rest. That just left Angel. He stood there by my bedside, holding his arm nervously, not looking me in the eyes. We both remained there in silence, listening to the city outside. Eventually he looked at me sidelong.

“No one ever did that for me before.”

I could only look at him as he continued.

“What you said… that I deserve respect. No one ever said that before…”

He sat down on my bed, careful not to touch my wounded body. He looked at me fully now, tears in his eyes.

“I don’t know how I could ever repay you…”

I wanted to tell him I loved him. That getting to know him was reward enough. That seeing him smile, hearing him laugh, was more than anything I deserved. Instead I just started to cry tears of happiness. He smiled at me, then leaned forward to wipe away my tears. He was right there, touching me. He paused, looking into my eyes before blushing. He leaned forward, and kissed me gently, his lips touching my bandaged mouth. It stung, even that small amount of contact, but I would have felt any amount of pain for that kiss. My eyes widened while his were closed. He pulled back after a moment, still blushing.

“So, uh, get some rest or whatever.”

He got up from my bed and walked to the doorway, reaching for the light switch, but pausing for a moment.

“...Thank you, Ego…”

With that he hurriedly turned off the lights and left the room. It was just me and Id then. I glanced at him, suddenly feeling extremely tired. He chuckled.

“I don’t know why you’re getting all the credit, but either way, go back to sleep nerd. The sooner your body is back to normal, the sooner I get to use it again.”

I sighed slightly, but a sigh of contentedness. Eventually I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**Elsewhere in Hell**

Valentino entered the dimly lit room slowly and deliberately, which was decidedly unlike him. A new fur coat adorned his body, and his hat was pulled low to hide his face. Pulling up a seat at the circular table, he glared at the other demons situated at the Pentagram-emblazoned war table. Stolas sat across from him, with Rosie next to him. They giggled and gossiped to each other, most likely about him, considering the glances they threw his direction. He snarled under his breath. Lilith’s seat was empty, as per usual. That bitch was always busy. Valentino quickly glanced at Vox, only to see that he was staring at him intently. Eventually Vox tapped the table to signal that the meeting was to begin. Rosie and Stolas fell silent, knowing better than to talk out of line. Vox paused before looking at Valentino again.

“So, Val. Care to tell us how things have been?” His voice was filled with static, a chill tone in his demeanor that sent chills down Valentino’s spine. Even if they were partners, Val knew better than to consider him a friend. Valentino sighed and removed his hat before raising his head. Stolas and Rosie looked at him wide-eyed before poorly attempting to hold back giggles. Valentino’s once-immaculate face was a mess. Several more teeth than before had been replaced with gold, burn marks and scars covered his skin, and one of his eyes was misshapen. Valentino shot the giggling Overlords a dirty look before turning back to Vox.

“I had a run in with a problem child.”

Vox glared at his partner.

“A ‘problem child’?”

Valentino opened his mouth to speak but Vox rose out of his seat, staring Val down as he continued in his sudden rage.

“A fucking ‘problem child’?! Do you have any idea what the fuck you’ve done, Valentino?!”

Vox got up and began to pace around the circumference of the table, making the other Overlords uneasy as he approached them.

“Thanks to your little slip-up, you lost your best employees. Which means less money for our plans.”

Valentino stared at the table and began to sweat.

“Furthermore, your pathetic attempt at fighting showed all of the low-lifes down here that we can be hurt. There are talks amongst the filth of an uprising!”

Vox returned to his spot, standing behind his seat and slamming his hands down onto the war table.

“Now,  _ Val _ , I would like you to kindly explain how you managed to get beaten up by a fucking  _ Imp _ !”

Valentino nervously reached into his jacket and pulled out a folder. He tossed it onto the table towards Vox, its contents fanning out before the Television Demon. Val explained at his associates looked at the images the folder held.

“This is that Imp. The white shadow is Ego, and that…  _ thing _ calls itself Id, although demons are starting to call them the Hot Blooded Souls.”

Rosie audibly licked her lips.

“Ooh, he looks tasty…” She said, her voice clicking with insectoid hunger.

Valentino stared at her.

“I wouldn’t go near him. He’s Alastor’s new pet.”

The mention of the Radio Demon plunged the room into silence. Vox reached out and picked up a blurry image of Id covered in boiling blood. Vox chuckled, musing aloud.

“So. He finally made another move, expecting us to be afraid of his new pawn…”

Vox crushed the image into scraps before staring blankly ahead, a wicked grin forming on his screen.

“If it’s war he wants, I will be more than happy to oblige.”


	3. Songs, Science and Snakes

My recovery went surprisingly quickly. After my initial few days passed out in bed, my strength returned to me faster than I expected it to. Niffty was by my side the entire time, bringing me hot meals and talking to me for hours on end. Id complained about being a captive audience but I loved hearing Niffty ramble. I couldn’t have asked for a better bedside nurse. Angel also visited frequently, telling me that he was going to be around the hotel more often now that he was a freelancer. I was able to smile at him without too much pain.

A week after the incident I was able to have the bandages removed. I watched with trepidation as Niffty nimbly took off my wrappings, expecting to see a mess of burned flesh. Instead both Niffty and I gasped in surprise. My skin looked almost completely normal, aside from a few small scars and burn marks. I hesitantly tried to move my fingers, only for them to be perfectly responsive with only a dull twinge of pain. Niffty made a high-pitched squeal of excitement.

“Oh my gosh! Ego, you’re looking great! I mean, you looked great before, but you still look great! Does it hurt? I hope it doesn’t, but by the look on your face it seems like you’re okay.”

I smiled at her, cutting her off. I spoke in a slightly raspy voice, having not used my vocal cords in a fortnight.

“Hah, I owe it all to my nurse and her cooking.”

Niffty paused like a deer in headlights before making a louder, nearly glass-breaking squeal and flinging her arms over my shoulders in a bearhug. I grimaced, still not being 100% ready for one of her crushing hugs, but I decided to let her be happy. I glanced over to Id, who was sticking a finger in his mouth and making gagging sounds.

“Get a room, you two. Specifically one away from me, if we can get that to work.”

* * *

In a few more days I was up and walking around, at first with Niffty keeping me steady, then eventually on my own. Everyone at the hotel seemed thrilled that I was back on my feet. Even Husk was happy, although that may have been because he had been filling in for me as a busboy in my absence. Life at the hotel steadily returned to its usual pace; in fact, things were largely better now that Angel Dust was around more often. Business was doing well, rehabilitation attempts were proving successful (if only marginally), and in-fighting between the hotel staff was at an all-time low. That all being said, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of uneasiness. I had personally insulted the Overlords, and I knew that had to be bad. One day, after having finished bringing some luggage up a few stories, I walked into the staff lounge for a much needed glass of water. To my surprise, Alastor was already in the room, sitting at the central table and reading a newspaper. Upon my arrival he looked over the top of the paper, smiled at me, nodded in greeting and went back to reading. I frowned slightly, wondering if I should sit by my mentor. After pouring myself a glass of cold water (well, as cold as water gets in Hell, which is to say it was luke-warm), I decided to sit across from the Radio Demon. I sipped my beverage in silence for a minute or two before building up the nerve to speak.

“Um… Alastor?”

The Overlord turned the page, answering without looking at me.

“Yes, my young apprentice?”

I gulped to ease my nerves. Even if he was doing nothing, he always had an air of contemplating violence.

“Since I attacked Valentino…”

I looked at the water in my cup, realizing it was shaking with my nervousness.

“...do you think I put the hotel in danger?”

Alastor turned the page again, laughing in his static-filled way.

“Oh, certainly. Attacking one of the most powerful demons in Hell is not going to go unnoticed by the rest of the ruffians.”

I frowned. He never sugar-coated anything. I looked over at my boss, unable to see his face behind the paper but knowing that he was grinning ear to ear.

“Am I doing a good job here at the hotel?”

Alastor shrugged, making the paper rustle.

“I don’t see anything wrong with your busboy routine. I suppose you could lift with your legs more, but that’s of little concern.”

My frown deepened.

“No… No, I mean in terms of being your apprentice. I don’t know if I’m doing the right things…”

Alastor finally put his paper down, locking his fingers together and giving me a piercing stare.

“How do you think you’re doing, Ego?”

I tried to keep eye-contact with the Radio Demon, but only moderately succeeded.

“Um… I-I think that... “

I furrowed my brow. What did I think? Was I doing a good job here? No one had ever really expected anything from me, so I didn’t know what to say. Eventually I settled on being honest.

“No one used to ask me to do things. In the junkyard I just worked to survive, and now all of these people count on me…”

“Do you know why I chose you as my apprentice, Ego?”

The question startled me enough to look up from the table and into Alastor’s eyes. Id answered before I could process the reply.

“Because you know I’m a badass, and the nerd was packaged with me?”

Alastor laughed heartily before getting out of his seat, taking his paper with him. He walked towards the door to the lobby, patting me on the head before he left.

“Try to think about why you’re here, my confidence-challenged lad. It’s important that you know why.”

I turned in my seat to watch him go, surprised at his response. I looked back down at my half-empty cup of water, then down at Id, who shrugged back smugly.

“Eh, I still think it’s because I’m with you.”

* * *

Later that same day, Charlie called all of the hotel staff to the lobby for what she described as a “super exciting announcement”. Everyone but Charlie was there at around noon. Niffty and Angel Dust stood either side of me, which made me happy, although I thought I caught glimpses of them glaring at each other. Husk looked largely disinterested in the meeting, and Vaggie next to him looked annoyed at Husk’s disinterest. I glanced to my right past Niffty (who was making faces at Angel) and caught Alastor’s eye. He gave me a knowing smile and winked. Just then Charlie swung open the front door to the hotel, a short demon walking beside her timidly. He looked only a few inches taller than me, and strongly resembled an angler fish. He wore a dark grey lab coat of sorts, and the fins on his head were somewhat haphazardly fashioned into a makeshift hairstyle. Even though he seemed nervous, keeping his distance from Charlie and all of us, I could tell he was examining every inch of his surroundings with an almost clinical curiosity. Charlie beamed at us, her usual excited nature breaking the tension.

“Everyone, I would like to introduce the Hazbin Hotel’s newest team member, Baxter!”

She motioned to Baxter, who recoiled at her sudden movement in his direction. Husk sighed before taking a swig of his flask.

“Great. More weirdos.”

Vaggie elbowed him hard in the ribs, making him choke on his whiskey.

“You’re one to talk, you drunk asshole.”

She turned to Baxter and tried her best to appear friendly, despite that not being her strong suit.

“Welcome to the hotel! What did Charlie hire you to do?”

Baxter seemed to hesitate at her inquiry before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a wrench. He spoke briefly with a nasally voice, like he constantly had water up his nose.

“I fix things.”

Charlie cut in on Baxter’s behalf.

“Baxter is going to be the hotel’s new mechanic, electrician, plumber, heating and cooling expert-”

She continued on while a smile grew on my face. I stepped forward towards Baxter, who eyed me with trepidation. I extended my hand towards him in greeting, which made him jump. Nevertheless, I tried to be polite.

“Hey, maybe you can get the service elevator working! I’m Ego, the busboy here. Nice to-”

Upon saying my name his eyes widened. He seemed to scan my entire body in a moment before forgoing all of his inhibitions. He grabbed my hand firmly, pinching my skin between two fingers and staring at some of the burn marks that lingered on my arm.

“Holy crapola, you’re the Hot Blooded Soul, aren’t you?! The one that fought an Overlord and lived to tell the tale? Fascinating, despite your hemoignition you seem largely unharmed.”

He pulled out a magnifying glass from his pocket before I had a chance to pull away. He held it to my arm first, then pulled my ear painfully, looking inside as he continued.

“Hmm. Above-average wax buildup in your ear canal, but I suppose that can be chalked up to poor hygiene rather than any sort of demonic abnormalities.”

He quickly pulled out a strand of my hair, making me yelp as he placed it into a small plastic bag. Then he forcefully opened my mouth, shining a flashlight down my throat as he held my tongue between two fingers.

“Poor dental hygiene as well, all but confirming that the earwax buildup is due to a lack of cleanliness. As to be expected you have no signs of burns along your esophagus despite the extreme temperatures that your blood reached. Tell me, have you ever been sexually active, and if so, has the arousal caused any abnormal blood temperature rises akin to when you fought the Overlord.”

I blushed at the question, unable to answer as he held my tongue. I glanced over at Charlie for help, but everyone was momentarily stunned by the sudden shift in personality of the mechanic. It was Angel Dust who stepped in, placing a hand on Baxter’s unsuspecting face and shoving him away. He pulled me to his side, laying my head against his thigh, which just made me blush even harder. Angel scoffed at Baxter.

“Hey, nobody is going to be asking Ego about sex but me, you go it fishtick?”

Baxter hardly paid him any attention, staring at the piece of my hair as he shone his flashlight on it, mumbling to himself about something to do with how oily it was. Before I knew what was happening, Niffty was grabbing onto my arm, trying to pull me away from Angel.

“Hands off him, you hussie!”

Angel grabbed my other arm as they both yelled at each other, using me like a tug-of-war rope. Behind me I could hear Id and Alastor laughing heartily as Vaggie facepalmed. I was mainly focused on trying not to let my still-somewhat-frail body be ripped in half by two warring demons while Charlie tried to convince Baxter not to get a skin sample from me. 

Eventually things settled down, with Angel and Niffty seemingly coming to a stalemate. Everyone went back to work, with Baxter shuffling off to the basement. Charlie tried to assure the new arrival that he could have a more traditional living arrangement, but the fish-like demon insisted on living in the basement, stating that “people get in the way of science”. I mostly just hoped that he would fix the service elevator, since it would mean less heavy lifting for me. 

* * *

It was just before dinner, and I had just finished delivering some particularly heavy packages to the top floor. As I prepared myself mentally for the trek back down the long flights of stairs, I heard a strange noise. Looking around the hallway, I noticed that the exit to the roof was slightly ajar. I gingerly approached it, and as I did the noise got louder. It sounded almost like music, and as I climbed the cement stairs to the roof, I could tell that someone was solemnly singing. Being careful not to make any sounds as I climbed, I started to make out more of the tune. It was a feminine voice, and it sounded full of sadness and longing. I finally reached the rooftop, only to see the familiar silhouette of Vaggie sitting on the edge, feet dangling over the city below. She was facing the setting light in the distance as dusk approached, the clocktower that counted down the days to the next extermination casting a long shadow that nearly reached the hotel. As I stood near the door, I could finally hear what she was singing.

_ “...And on those lonely forlorn nights, _

_ The angels with their spears took flight. _

_ Those with clipped and broken wings, _

_ Could only scour the ground and sing. _

_ Why did they fight, those holy few, _

_ Slashing demons old and new? _

_ Were they truly free of blame, _

_ Covered in blood of hellions slain?” _

Even listening to her I nearly cried. I couldn’t understand the full meaning of her song, but the moth-like demons lyrics nevertheless hit me with a feeling of depression. I looked down at Id, glaring at him not to speak, and for once he shut his trap. Perhaps he wanted to see where this was going. I softly spoke, trying not to scare Vaggie.

“You have a beautiful voice…”

Vaggie jumped slightly, whipping around and blushing. Upon seeing me standing there, she seemed to lower her guard slightly and sigh.

“Oh, uh… Hello Ego…”

She turned back to the setting light. Unsure of what to do or say, I decided just to walk towards her. Sitting down next to her in silence, I looked down over the city below. Cars whizzed by haphazardly on the streets, nearly hitting demonic pedestrians and structures alike. Somewhere an alarm wailed, no doubt a burglary taking place. Eventually my focus shifted to be like Vaggie’s: staring at the clock tower. The numbers on the front slowly rolled away, like an approaching storm. Exactly 300 days until another extermination. Vaggie and I just sat there for a while, watching the inevitability of the world below us. Eventually Vaggie spoke without looking at me.

“Do you trust Alastor?”

I looked over at her. Her face was like a worn stone, and she looked more tired than I had ever seen her. I sighed and looked back down.

“I don’t. Even after he brought me here, took me under his wing, and gave me a new life… I’ve seen what he does. He destroys anything in his way. He only cares about himself. I’m a weapon to him.”

Vaggie grunted, seemingly in acceptance of my answer. A few moments of silence passed before Id spoke up.

“Heh, he’s my kind of guy.”

Neither of us responded to his goading, so the shadow went silence once again. As the street lights below flicked on one by one, I spoke to the strange demon next to me.

“Vaggie… can I ask you a personal question?”

Vaggie gave a single amused huff.

“If you want me to ask Angel out for you, forget it.”

I blushed and Id laughed for a bit. When he stopped I continued.

“No, not that sort of thing. I’d like to know what that song was.”

The moth demon sighed, then reached up and brushed aside the hair that usually covered her eyepatch. I looked over at her, at her face. She seemed so frail in the darkness, her face only being illuminated by the gentle pink glow from her X-shaped patch. She looked upwards for the first time in a while, and I followed her gaze to the hazy cyan sphere far, far away from us. Heaven.

“Do you know what it’s like up there, Ego?”

I looked on at the celestial world above us. A utopia above a cesspool. I shook my head reflexively, even if she wasn’t looking.

“No. I’ve just heard that it was the most wonderful place. Somewhere where people go when they have done all the right things.”

“What are the right things?”

The sudden question caught me off guard. I scratched my head, not taking my eyes off of the good place above us.

“Um, I dunno… not killing people, I guess?”

I glanced at her as I said this, hoping it was a good answer. She turned to look at me with sorrow in her eyes.

“Are you here for murder?”

I frowned and shook my head.

“No, uh… sexual stuff…”

She didn’t stop staring at me, her pink X lighting up the darkness between us.

“Do you think you deserve to be down here for that?”

I couldn’t look away from her now. It wasn’t fear that allowed her to hold my gaze. It was sadness. She continued in my silence.

“Why is someone in Hell for liking something different? Murderers and child molesters are thrown into the same place as people that tried drugs, or stole to feed their families.”

She sighed again, looking back at the Heavens above.

“That song was made a long time ago. Legend says that it was made by survivors of the first demonic culling. It gave them hope when they had nothing. It was all that was left in the Pandora’s box Hell became. A small crap of hope that maybe, one day, they could reach Heaven too.”

I heard a scratching and looked to where we sat. Vaggie was clutching the edge of the rooftop so hard that her knuckles turned white. She continued, anger mixing with the sadness in her voice.

“I know what it’s like up there, Ego. I’ve seen why the Exterminators come to Hell to cull us. I know the reason that Hell is so crowded. But how could I tell her? How could I tell her that it’s not a beautiful, wonderful place? How could I possibly tell her the truth when it’s the only thing that keeps her going?...”

She trailed off, eventually letting go of the edge with a sigh of defeat against a foe I didn’t know existed. Vaggie stood up before lowering a hand down to me. I looked up at her, and she tried to smile.

“C’mon, you know how Niffty gets if we miss dinner.”

I nodded and tried to focus on Niffty’s cooking, and Angel Dust’s laugh, and Charlie’s hope. Any happy thought I could think of. Because I had seen what was behind Vaggie’s eyepatch: a soul that had seen too much.

* * *

I didn’t sleep very well that night. I couldn’t help but think about what Vaggie had said. What could possibly be so bad about Heaven? All of my mortal and not-so-mortal lives I had been told that Heaven was the goal. Charlie had built this whole hotel on the promise of a hope for something better. Was Vaggie right? Was there no hope for any of us.

My gloomy thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door. I looked over and saw a letter slip beneath the entrance from the hallway, followed by someone running down the hall. I woke up Id, who complained about his beauty sleep, and went to pick up the letter. It was written in pink ink, but unlike Niffty’s handwriting, it wasn’t written in cursive; instead it was nearly chicken scratch, with hearts dotting the “I”s and “J”s. Also unlike Niffty’s letters, it was much, much more concise.

“Dear Ego,

Please meet me in the basement. I have a little surprise for you~~

Angel Dust”

My heart leapt, and despite Id’s complaints of having to watch me go, I quote, “drool over spider ass”, I threw on some clothes I thought looked nice and headed to the elevator. 

* * *

The basement was nothing new for me at this point. It felt more like a parking lot than a basement, truth be told. Large open areas of grey concrete composed the majority of the complex, with thick cinder block walls separating the various rooms. As the elevator closed behind me, I walked out into the dimly lit main chamber, cursing myself for not bringing a flashlight. I stumbled forward into the near-darkness, feeling the wall as I went.

“Hello? Angel? Is everything alright down here?”

Suddenly a door I didn’t know was there opened on the wall I was using as a guide, causing me to yell in surprise. A gloved hand reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me into the green-tinted quarters.

I’m proud to say that my immediate reaction was ‘fight’ rather than ‘flight’. Years of living in a junkyard tends to make one’s reflexes halfway decent. Without hesitation I threw a fist towards the creature holding me. To my surprise, the voice that greeted me was a nasaly whine, and not either Angel’s sultry tones or a gruff murderer.

“Ouch! Watch the goggles!”

As my eyes adjusted to the green lighting, I saw that Baxter was lying on the ground, rubbing the side of his head. I took a step towards him in angry bewilderment. 

“Baxter?! What are you… what did you do to Angel?!”

The fishy engineer raised his hands to his face in a pathetic attempt at protection.

“W-wait! Angel isn’t here!”

I stopped, my anger turning into confusion.

“Wait, then where is he?”

Baxter peeked through his fingers, then seemed to realize that I no longer meant him any harm and got to his feet. He brushed off his lab coat as he answered me.

“Well, given the time of night, mostly likely asleep. Judging by my estimate of his BMI and level of activity I would guess he’s probably in cycle two of REM sle-”

I held up my hand to stop him.

“Wait, wait, wait… Angel Dust is still in his room? Then who sent me this letter?”

I pulled the letter out of my pocket and held it up to him. Baxter glanced at it then back to me, a look of boredom on his face.

“Well, I did of course.”

I just stared at him while Id started laughing.

“Oh man, Ego! You wanted some spider ass, but guess you’re having fish dicks for dinner!”

Id doubled over at his own joke while I pinched the bridge of my nose, my confusion quickly turning back into anger.

“Okay. I’ll bite.  _ Why _ did you forge a letter from Angel Dust telling me to come to the basement?”

Baxter shrugged, as if my question was idiotic.

“I didn’t think you’d come to my lab if I had just told you to come outright.”

I crumpled the letter in my hand.

“You don’t know that, I may have come to… wait, your lab?”

I finally took in my surroundings. Several concrete workbenches were placed almost randomly around the large room. Countless vials and beakers bubbled away, and large tanks of some sort of luminous green fluid gave the lab its characteristic shade. Numerous bizarre contraptions hung on the walls while even more were strewn about the floor. Glancing in one corner I saw a sort of makeshift home, complete with a sleeping bag, miniature fridge and a bucket that I made a mental note never to go near. I looked back at Baxter after a few moments of surveying his work. The mad scientist gave me a crooked grin.

“Not bad, huh? It’s still a work in progress, obviously, but for a day’s work it will suffice.”

I stared in disbelief at the demon before me.

“Does Charlie know you’re doing any of this?”

Baxter raised an eyebrow at me.

“No? Why would I tell her?”

I waved my arms haphazardly at the bizarre laboratory surrounding me.

“Because you… because she’s… you can’t just…”

Eventually I sighed and placed both hands on my face which Baxter watched curiously. Dragging my hands down my tired facade, I looked back at the angler.

“So, you have a secret lab.”

Baxter nodded.

“Below the hotel.”

Baxter nodded again.

“...Why did you bring me here?”

Baxter rolled his eyes and repeated his mad grin.

“Finally! I was hoping you would ask that for the last 9 minutes 37 seconds!”

He once again grabbed my arm and pulled me deeper into the lab. I decided not to resist. It wasn’t like I was doing anything besides lying in bed anyway.

Baxter brought me to one of the workbenches and gestured to a test tube being held above a lit Bunsen burner. Looking inside, I saw a shiny gold strand of something. I frowned.

“Is that my hair?”

Baxter laughed, a high-pitched squeaking that ended in a snort. 

“Well, of course it is! It’s also a biochemical marvel!”

I opened my mouth to give an angry retort, but paused at that last statement. I looked at him sidelong.

“What do you mean by a marvel?”

Baxter beamed at me, the light from the fire glinting off his safety goggles.

“Don’t you see? I’ve left that burner going on at max heat for the last 7 hours, and yet your hair hasn’t changed a bit! No disintegration, combustion, vaporization, nothing at all! In fact, rudimentary tests show that the heat has actually  _ strengthened _ the proteins in that strand.”

I raised an eyebrow at him, then looked back to the test tube. Sure enough, the glass beneath my hair seemed to be on the verge of melting, and yet the blonde strand looked shiny and healthy. I stood upright again, taking Baxter more seriously.

“Okay, so, my hair is sturdy. Why is that important?”

Baxter scoffed at my question.

“Must I explain everything?”

Id and I looked at each other before nodding. Baxter pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Oh for the love of Newton…”

Suddenly Baxter reached into his seemingly bottomless pocket and pulled out a syringe. Whipping it towards me before I could react, he jammed it into my arm and sucked out some blood. I recoiled in pain and anger.

“Ah! What the fuck, dude?!”

But Baxter was already scuttling off to another workbench, rambling to himself as he went.

“Anger at extraction, a usual response. Blood coloration seems normal for an Imp, although the consistency is a few units higher than other blood samples I have examined…”

I walked over to the scientist, rubbing my arm and frowning.

“How many blood samples have you seen, might I ask?”

Baxter didn’t look at me, squirting my blood from the syringe into a series of smaller test tubes.

“Oh, quite a few, actually. I’ve studied the demonobiology of the majority of Hell’s major species. It’s quite a fascinating subject, actually. Did you know that the fur of a female Hellhound is able to reflect up to 97% of heat from external sources, allowing them to-”

“It was a rhetorical question, Baxter.”

Baxter paused before looking at me again.

“Oh. You have to tell me these things, my social queues are poor.”

I rolled my eyes at him.

“I noticed. So, why did you prick me just now?”

Id giggled childishly at the word while Baxter placed down the bloody syringe.

“My reasoning is twofold. Foremost, I need to do some tests on blood. Hemoglobin count, white blood cell versus red blood cell ratio, the usual things. Secondly, it serves as a demonstration. Remove your hand, if you would.”

He pointed to the hand I was using to cover my arm. I followed his advice and moved it. A few drops of my own blood were stuck to my fingers, but the hole where the syringe had been was nowhere to be found. I looked back at Baxter inquisitively.

“What about it?”

Baxter snorted in a mix of amusement and annoyance at my ignorance.

“Don’t you see? It’s already healed, with no form of bandage or medicine to aid in the process! In fact, I suspect that it healed only a few moments after I removed the needle.”

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Is that not normal?”

Baxter flung his arms in the air, raising his voice in disbelief.

“Of course it's not normal! The average rate of cellular regeneration in a demon of your species and size is hardly a thousandth of that speed! Your body’s ability to repair even severe structural damage is unheard of!”

Id spoke up for the first time in a while.

“Huh. Guess that explains why this pansy was up and about after only a week-ish. That right, dorklord?”

Baxter adjusted his glasses, grinning in excitement and either ignoring Id’s insult or not registering it at all.

“Precisely, shadow creature! Despite your extreme use of Ego’s motor functions and cardiovascular system, you didn’t spontaneously combust as your blood reached temperatures of nearly 2500 Kelvin!”

I looked at my arm, then back to Baxter.

“Uh… how hot is that exactly?”

Baxter placed his hand on his chin.

“Well, if memory serves me correctly, steel melts at around 1600 Kelvin, although steel actually has a lower melting point than iron due to the fact that it is alloyed with-”

I stared at him wide-eyed and cut off his tangent.

“Are you telling me my blood got hot enough to melt through steel?!”

Baxter gave me a bored look.

“Oh, easily. Probably even hotter. I’m mostly going off of thermal data from the hotel security camera, which caps out at around 2000 Kelvin.”

Id breaks into the conversation indignantly.

“Look, that’s all really interesting science boy, but you never told us why you brought us down here in the first place.”

The mechanic rolled his eyes.

“Ugh. No one ever wants to know things these days, they just want results. Very well, follow me.”

Baxter then led Id and me to a door at the back of the laboratory. He turned the sturdy iron handle and swung open the heavy metal door. As he did so, I was nearly blinded by the bright orange lighting that flooded in from the adjoining room. Once my eyes got used to the new shade I stepped into the second part of Baxter’s laboratory.

In stark contrast to the previous room, this chamber seemed more like a gymnasium than a place of science. A substantial layer of sand covered the floor, presumably to act as a cushion in case of accidental trips. A punching bag hung from the ceiling by a large metal chain, and training dummies of similar make and quality were stationed against the far wall. I turned to Baxter in shock.

“Baxter… where did you get all of this stuff?”

Baxter shrugged nonchalantly. 

“I borrowed it.”

I opened my mouth to ask where he borrowed several inches worth of sand flooring from, but decided it wasn’t worth asking. Instead I asked the other obvious question.

“Why did you make this room?”

Baxter gave me another crooked smile, a gleam in his eyes.

“Why, because you’ve got to train, of course!”

Id and I stared at him, and he took our silence as a lack of understanding. Baxter began pacing as he lectured.

“You see, I hypothesize that it is not Id alone that grants you both such incredible power! Id seems to be able to more easily tap into your body’s hidden capabilities, but I believe that, with proper exercise and an understanding of what makes you ‘tick’, so to speak, you could become more powerful on your own, Ego!”

Id frowned, clearly not liking the idea. Meanwhile I looked down at my hands in wonder. My own strength? I always felt like Id was the strong one, and I just carried him around. I looked back at Baxter’s hopeful face and nodded.

“Okay, I’m willing to try whatever you have in mind. Just, uh, warn me before stabbing me in the future.”

Baxter nodded quickly and rummaged in his pocket as he spoke.

“Very good! In that case, I think now is as good a time as any to present you with my first invention at the Hazbin Hotel…”

He pulled his hand out of his pocket and presented it towards me, beaming an awkward smile my way.

“...The Baxter Lithium-Aluminum Dermis Eradicator, or B.L.A.D.E. for the time-crunched individuals.”

In his fishy hand was what looked almost exactly like a normal shaving razor, apart from some small differences. Firstly, the acronym B.L.A.D.E. was engraved across the central strip of metal. Secondly, the actual edge of the blade seemed to catch the light in strange ways, as if it were made of water instead of metal. I gingerly picked up the tiny razorblade and looked it over as I spoke to Baxter.

“Uh, other than trimming a beard, what does it do?”

Baxter scoffed at my question, as usual.

“This is no layman’s cuticle cutter! What you hold in your hand is a complex alloy of my own design! The delicate mixture of aluminum and lithium gives it many unique properties, including near-indestructibility and a resistance to nearly all causes of dulling. Most importantly, though, is that its monomolecular edge constantly regenerates a unique anti-clotting serum I reverse-engineered from a rare species of cobra only present in Hell’s seventh layer.”

The shadow and I stared at him blankly as he continued on without our input.

“This fascinating derivative of venom prevents the coagulation of blood within demons for extended periods of time. While the aforementioned cobra used its venom for stopping hearts, we can use it to temporarily bypass your body’s natural and abnormal regeneration capabilities to better utilize your superheated blood.”

Baxter turned back to use, holding his arms outward to accept the applause that wasn’t coming. The mad genius pinched his nose once more.

“Oh for Satan’s sake… if you cut yourself with it, you don’t stop bleeding until you put a bandage on the wound.”

“Oooohhhh.” Id and I replied in unison, much to Baxter’s dismay. I looked down at the razor with newfound understanding.

“So you’re saying that I could use this blade to cut myself, and then funnel boiling blood out through the wound? Sort of like a hose?”

Baxter sighed, waving his hand in our general direction.

“That’s a vast oversimplification, but if the analogy of a hose helps you grasp the subject better, then yes. It’s like a blood hose.”

Being careful not to cut myself, I placed the B.L.A.D.E. in my pocket and looked back up at Baxter, smirking.

“Alright, so, how do you plan on training me?”

* * *

The punching bag swung gently in front of me. I had taken off my hoodie, and stood bare-chested in the training room. Baxter stood off to the side, scribbling down notes onto a clipboard. The B.L.A.D.E. in my pocket felt like a heavy weight despite its actual mass, but I tried to remain focused. Staring at the punching bag I yelled over to Baxter.

“So, uh… what do I do?”

Baxter continued to jot down notes as he answered.

“You’re asking the wrong demon. I’m here to observe your progress. Try talking to your other half.”

He gestured with his pencil to Id, who had his arms crossed, scowling. I sighed and turned to look down at the hate-filled shadow below.

“Okay, Id, I know you aren’t happy about doing this-”

“You’re damn right I’m not fucking happy! Why should I tell you anything?”

I frowned at him. I could actually see his point of view. When we swapped places during the fight, I could understand part of why he was so angry. Being a shadow meant you were powerless; sensations were numbed to the point of a light tingling while the world moved on around you. One moment I was real; the next I was a ghost. I sighed and decided to try reasoning.

“Listen. I get it. You think that if I can do what you do then I won’t have a reason to let you take over.”

His scowl deepened as I continued.

“But that isn’t true. I could never do what you do. Even if I learn how to control my blood or whatever, I don’t have the same ferocity as you do. I’d be too afraid to go as far as you do.”

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“All I’m saying is that we can’t afford to have our body be out of action for almost two weeks every time something tries to attack the hotel. We need to be more careful than just throwing everything we have at attackers and hoping we can just heal back to normal.”

I watched the shadowy demon at my feet for a few moments. I could almost feel him thinking, battling between his constant rage and my logic. Eventually he grunted and mumbled back to me.

“You have to want it…”

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Want what?”

He rolled his eyes at me, his scowl being replaced with a softer grimace.

“Whatever your goal is. That’s how I make my blood boil. You have to want to achieve that goal more than anything else, at any cost. Not a single goddamn thing has to hold you back.”

“And what is your goal?”

Id stared up at me, that usual bloodthirsty look in his eyes as his grimace morphed into a snarling grin.

“Getting people’s insides on their outsides.”

I looked away from Id and back to my right hand. What did I want? All of my afterlife I never really had something to work towards. Existence down here was an uphill struggle to survive, but that didn’t feel like a goal. Now that I lived at the hotel, basic needs weren’t an issue. So why did I fight? The more I thought about it, the more images flashed by in my head. Niffty’s smile. The smell of a table full of lovingly-made food. Angel’s sassy laugh. Charlie’s unyielding hope, and Vaggie’s struggle to hide the truth for her partner’s sake. I grit my teeth together. I wanted to protect them all. Not just because it made life easier for me, but because they deserve to be protected.

It started as a slightly warm sensation in my right arm. I barely noticed it at first as I thought about my goals. However, it quickly became hotter and drew my attention away from my thoughts. Staring at my arm I could see the veins more clearly than I could usually as they seemed to be pumping overtime. I clenched my teeth together tighter. It hurt. It hurt a lot, like a thousand fire ants crawling under my skin. But that didn’t matter. I could be in pain as long as the hotel was safe. This new thought made the pain worsen as my arm grew even hotter. Baxter yelled over at me.

“Use the B.L.A.D.E.! Without an exit point for your superheated blood, the immense pressure could blow your arm to bits!”

Without thinking I reached into my pocket and pulled out the razor. Moving my right hand forward, with my palm facing the punching bag, I reached forward and sliced across my hot hand. I screamed loudly from the pain, but didn’t falter my stance as a stream of crimson fluid and vapor rocketed towards the bag. The jet made contact with the hard leather exterior and immediately caused it to burst into flames. The blood continued on through the now demolished training tool and splashed against the concrete wall behind it before the overheard fire extinguishing nozzles turned on. 

I stood there, panting heavily as water droplets landed on me. As they made contact with my right arm they fizzled and gave off a bit of steam. Looking at my handiwork, I managed a pained smirk. The punching bag no longer existed, having been reduced to a pile of sand, some burning scraps of faux leather and a half-melted chain dangling from the ceiling. The cement wall looked like it was still being poured, the once-hard bricks oozing onto the sand, turning it into glass on contact. Baxter gave one of shrill laughs punctuated by a loud snort, throwing his soggy clipboard into the air.

“Haha! A thrilling test, and very successful! I’d say that was worth the fire extinguishers going off across the hotel.”

I reached down to pick up my drenched hoodie, placing it on my bleeding palm to stem the flow.

“Heh, yeah, I didn’t know I could-”

I swiveled to stare at Baxter in panic.

“Did you say ‘across the hotel’?!”

* * *

Unfortunately, Baxter was correct. The next morning the lobby was filled with angry residents and staff members alike. Charlie frantically rushed around, trying to fend off complaints and assuring everyone that it was just a malfunction with the system. Baxter and I stood next to each other in the staff lounge as Vaggie and Niffty stood at the door, handing out clean towels to wet guests. I was extremely nervous after having caused such a catastrophic incident, but Baxter looked as bored as ever as he sipped from a cup of murky coffee. He watched the fiasco unfold and spoke to me quietly.

“Remind me to remove the carbon monoxide detectors in the training room, Ego.”

I glaring at the hotel engineer and hissed a retort under my breath.

“Baxter, I swear to Satan, if you tell anyone about how this happened…”

Baxter waved off my question with a dismissive flail of his hand.

“Oh, don’t get your genome sequence in an anti-helix. I already told Charlie it was my fault, and that I caused a small fire while tinkering with the furnace.”

My expression softened as he told me his lie. Maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy. I sighed, and attempted a smile.

“Thanks, Baxter. Sorry you had to take the brunt of it.”

He looked at me with that gleam in his eyes.

“Naturally! How am I going to do more experiments if you get fired?”

My smile wavered a bit. Classic Baxter.

* * *

Several days passed uneventfully. I didn’t go back to the rooftop, but I could occasionally hear Vaggie singing her songs when I had to deliver to the top floor. Luckily none of the hotel guests left after the fire extinguisher incident, although I suspect that may have been due to Alastor’s ominous presence making people afraid to leave. I tried to wash my own hoodie in secret after my night in the lab, not wanting to make Niffty worried about the blood stains; I was marginally successful, and eventually just used some of my salary to buy a few sets of dedicated training clothes. They were put to frequent use, since I began heading down to the training room every night to better hone my strange abilities. Baxter was true to his word and removed the smoke detectors in the basement, which, as dangerous as it was, was better than drenching the hotel every time I burned something accidentally. In between my training Baxter and I got to know each other better. Despite his social anxiety and occasional intellectual snobbishness, he was a friendly fish when you got to know him. He showed me around his lab in more detail, explaining inventions and concoctions he was working on using jargon that largely went over my head. Still, he liked to talk, and I liked to listen. After a week of training Baxter presented me with what he deemed “a token of friendship”. He handed me a small cardboard box, which I opened while Id made jokes about me building a harem at the hotel. Inside was a glimmering white chain with a latch that I could open or close. Baxter grinned at me, explaining that it was so that I could carry the B.L.A.D.E. more easily. I grinned back, looped the chain through one of the holes in the razor, and placed the necklace over my head. The trinket rested easily on my shirt, reflecting the bright orange light of the training room into dazzling patterns across my chest. I looked at Baxter and thanked him profusely. Not many people had ever given me a real gift before. I offered to give him a hug, but he laughed nervously. We settled on a handshake. 

It had been about 10 days since my training had started at the hotel. I was in the staff bathroom, washing my hands as the sign instructed, when I heard a deafening crash that shook the walls and made me jump. Rushing out into the lobby I saw the rest of the staff, as well as some of the guests, standing near one of the windows near the front of the hotel. I quickly made my way up to Alastor and Charlie, who were staring out the window in amusement and panic, respectively. Following their line of sight, I saw what had caused the crash. Roughly 100 meters from the entrance to the hotel was an enormous metal humanoid. The majority of the behemoth was made of brushed metal, with the occasional steampunk-like gear or pipe sticking out. It was extremely vibrant and eye-catching, being painted in shades of gold, pink and dark purple. The general design seemed like a standard demon, but the head had large fanning discs of metal to either side, like a cobra. Standing at about 5 stories high, it cast a long shadow behind it. The muttering inside the hotel quickly ceased as the machine extended its hand, pointing down to the lobby. A sort of short siren came from the head of the monstrosity, followed by a booming voice.

“Residents of the Hazbin Hotel! It is I, evil mastermind Sir Pentious, here with a list of demands!”

Angel Dust groaned in annoyance.

“Ugh. Not this jackoff again.”

The dapper voice continued.

“First, you will deliver the Radio Demon Alastor to me for imminent destruction! Second, you will relinquish ownership of the land this pathetic excuse for s hotel sits on! Third of all-”

A dopey voice from inside the robot interrupted Sir Pentious, saying something about asking for room service before Sir Pentious spoke again angrily.

“We are not asking for the continental breakfast, you half-boiled imbeciles! What? What do you mean the loudspeaker is still on?!”

My attention shifted from the scene outside to the familiar hand that was placed on my head. Glancing upwards, I saw that Alastor was grinning sinisterly, his palm on my scalp. He spoke to me without turning from the window.

“Ego, my boy, I think this would be an excellent test of your strengths, wouldn’t you agree?”

Charlie immediately spoke up, frowning.

“Al, you can’t just send him off to fight again! He just got back to decent health!”

I felt a pair of hands on my left arm. Turning to look away from Alastor, I saw that Niffty and Angel were both holding on to me, a look of concern on both of their faces. Alastor spoke up again with a shrug.

“Ah, fair point. In that case, Ego, send this serpent packing without Id’s help.”

The rest of the staff let out an audible cry of outrage and confusion, including Id. I didn’t turn away from Angel and Niffty as they looked at Alastor and started to argue on my behalf. Behind them I saw Baxter, standing on his own against the wall. He gave me his crooked grin and a nod of encouragement. I nodded back before speaking to the group.

“I’ll do it.”

The grips on my arm tightened and everyone but Alastor started to convince me not to go. I cut them off first.

“It's going to be okay. I’m Alastor’s apprentice. If he wants me to go out there, I’m going to go out there.”

I glanced at Vaggie, who was giving me a look of mixed concern and sternness. I continued, pulling away from the group and walking to the door.

“I know what I’m doing. Trust me.”

I didn’t look back at the staff. Had I seen their worried faces, my flimsy confidence would have crumbled. Instead I opened the lobby door and walked out into the street.

* * *

It was quiet in the street. I assumed that any demonic civilians would have taken cover indoors by now. As I slowly approached Sir Pentious’ mechanical suit, I took the chain off from around my neck and held the B.L.A.D.E. carefully in my right hand. I came to a hal around 20 meters from the machine, looking up to the foreboding figure. The snake-like head looked down at me and scoffed.

“What the hell is this? I asked for the Radio Demon, not a popcorn shrimp!”

I grit my teeth. I was getting sick of people not taking me seriously. I shouted my reply upwards.

“I am here on behalf of all of the demons in the Hazbin Hotel, Alastor included. Leave now and I won’t have to make you regret coming here.”

I tried my best not to have my voice warble as I spoke to the metal behemoth. A moment passed in silence before the robot flung its head backwards, slapping a metal hand against its knee with a deafening clang.

“Ahahaha! You honestly think I’ll just leave?!”

I frowned and squeezed my right hand gently. The razor cut into my fingers, and I felt the somewhat sticky fluid drip down my hand as Sir Pentious continued mocking me.

“How dare you think you can try and show  _ me _ mercy, you insolent speck?!”

He lowered his hand in my direction, and I watched as the mechanical fingers slid away, revealing the chamber of some sort of cannon. The entire arm began to shake, steam flowing out of the pipes around his body and gears begin to whirr. I was afraid, but clenched my teeth together and slipped the B.L.A.D.E. into my pocket without looking away. Balling my empty right hand into a fist, I thought of the people in the hotel. Even if Alastor could stop this monster, would he even care to prevent the dapper snake from hurting Angel Dust? Or Vaggie? Or anyone else I cared about that my mentor disliked? I felt that now-familiar heat growing in my arm, running down my fingers. I couldn’t let anyone but me get hurt. The voice above boomed again.

“Say goodbye, child!”

I saw the arm fire in slow motion. A large black sphere, like a cannonball, flew down towards me. Reflexively I yelled out, not in fear but in defiance, and slashed my hand as fast as I could in a chopping manner towards the projectile. I watched as the blood erupted from my hand like a knife, burning the air as it flew forward. I couldn’t see if it landed, the red gas from my boiling blood obscuring the scene. I heard a loud crash either side of me, followed by one directly ahead. As the dust and steam settled, I saw that the cannonball was cut cleanly down the middle, with a hemisphere of semi-melted iron lying to either side of me, embedded into the asphalt. Looking back at the machine, I saw that the third thud was half of the cannon-arm crashing to the ground. Sparks flew and loose wires flailed from the half of the weapon that remained attached to the robotic suit. I saw the head look at its arm in shock, but I didn’t give the demon a chance to react. Raising my hand towards the still-standing mech, I screamed the first thing that came into my head.

“Stay the fuck away from my family!”

I tensed my arm, feeling the blood rush to the cuts on my hand. A veritable geyser of blood launched forward, crashing into the metal of the torso and legs like a riot hose. The whole machine lurched, falling backwards from the impact. It tried to catch itself on its legs, but the extra force caused them to buckle and snap in two with a loud scraping sound. The body fell forward, striking the ground with an enormous bang that shook the windows in the nearby buildings. The front screen of the head shattered, flinging strange egg-shaped demons in all directions, and sending Sir Pentious to the ground. He slid a few feet before coming to a stop at my feet. I looked down at the serpent. Shards of pink glass were embedded in his arm, with cuts and bruises visible along his long tail. Sir Pentious looked up at me with fear in his eyes, golding his less-injured arm up to me.

“W-wait! Don’t do it!”

Id spoke up from the ground next to me, his voice a sinister growl.

“Hah! Finish him off, Ego!”

I looked back at the demon at my feet. I could feel the blood still rushing from my hand, as well as a small rivulet of warm blood trickle down from my nose. I frowned at the snake, then turned away from him.

“Get out of here.”

Id screamed at me in disgust and confusion. 

“What?! What the fuck are you doing?! KIll that piece of shit!”

I continued on, looking at the hotel. Behind me I heard the snake get to his feet, then the click of a gun being cocked. Sir Pentious laughed as best he could with his injuries, coughing up some blood as he threatened me.

“You idiot! Never turn your back on someone in a fight!”

I sighed and turned slightly to look back at the demon sidelong. He held some sort of ray gun in his hand, aiming it at my head. It shook slightly in his hand. I spoke calmly to him.

“You’re not going to shoot me.”

The shaking of the gun increased slightly as I stared into SIr Pentious’ eyes.

“I’m in pain, Sir Pentious. Right now I feel like my arm is on fire. I feel like I could pass out at any moment.”

The snake demon’s expression wavered for a moment before he spoke to me, pain in his voice.

“Why… why are you telling me that? I could shoot you right now!”

I turned to him fully.

“I’m telling you that because I want you to know that I don’t want you to feel the same pain I feel right now.”

His expression dropped as I continued, the fires crackling around us.

“I’m not down here for killing people, and I don’t plan to stay here for that. I just want to protect the people that gave me a second chance in Hell.”

I saw tears forming in the snake’s eyes as the gun violently shook in his hand.

“B… but I… why are you…”

I sighed again, looking at the floor.

“I don’t know if Charlie’s ideas are right. I have no idea if demons can actually be reformed, or if they even should be…”

I looked up at my opponent, fire reflecting in my eyes.

“All I do know is that the people in that hotel believed in me when all I had was a future full of junk, and I’m going to follow their wishes and let you go.”

Tears began to spill from the demon’s eyes as he let go of his weapon. It fell to the ground with a clang as I turned back to the hotel. I raised my uninjured hand up and took off my busboy cap, pressing it to my cuts to stop the bleeding. Sir Pentious yelled out to me as I walked, sobbing slightly.

“Ego! Don’t… don’t think this means I’ll change! We’ll meet again, and… and then I’ll…”

He trailed off. I heard him sob before slithering off into the distance, a small army of eggs following him. 

* * *

I entered the hotel lobby to applause and cheers. Niffty gave me one of her crushing hugs, followed by Angel picking me up to kiss me on the cheek. I blushed profusely as Vaggie and Charlie gave me kudos. Suddenly Alastor slammed the bottom of his staff on the ground, making the room go silent. He walked towards me, smiling menacingly. I didn’t look away from his eyes as he approached.

“Why did you let him go?”

I walked towards him, leaving my friends to face my master. I grimaced at him, looking up into his eyes defiantly.

“Because I’m not you.”

He tilted his head suddenly, much like a wolf would at something they did not understand. 

“What is that supposed to mean, apprentice?”

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, but I didn’t back down. I was sick of backing down.

“I’m not going to be a tool for you to use to hurt people. I won’t hurt demons that deserve another chance.”

I raised my left hand to him, pointing at his face, a frown growing on my face.

“If you want a weapon, find another apprentice.”

The room was deathly silent for a moment. Alastor stared down at me, those symbols forming around his head. He reached my hand towards me, but I didn’t move. It inched ever closer to me. I fully expected him to banish me to some plane of torment, or turn my body inside-out.

Instead he placed his hand on my head, patting it and laughing heartily. My eyes widened at the genuine happiness on his face.

“Wha… what? You’re not mad?”

Alastor laughed again before smiling down at me.

“Mad? Why would I be mad when you did what I told you to? Id would have had you turn that snake into molten scales, but you didn’t listen to him. You acted out of what you thought was right, even if it meant throwing yourself into danger.”

He knelt down to meet me at eye-level before placing a hand on each of my shoulders.

“That’s why you’re my apprentice, Ego. Because out of all the helions and sinners down here, you’re the only mortal soul I’ve met that thinks of others. You’re unique.”

I could only stare at my instructor with disbelief before tears filled my eyes. He said I was special. Me, not Id, not my weird body. Me. Ego. I nodded back to him, smiling as tears rolled down my face. Alastor nodded back to me before standing back up and addressing the hotel guests.

“That’s all, folks! Now, seeing how it’s just about time for supper, what do you all say we head towards the dining hall!”

This caused a cheer from everyone, myself included. As all the demons headed towards the banquet room, I looked back to where Baxter was still leaning. I told Niffty and Angel Dust to go ahead, which they reluctantly did after a moment, promising to save me a seat. Walking over to the scientist, I smiled at him and he returned the gesture before speaking. 

“Not so bad for only a week of training, huh? I guess my regiment is working wonders.”

I laughed at his half-joke, half-self congratulations before motioning to the dining room.

“Do you want to come eat with us?”

He paused, looking at the door with anxiety.

“I don’t know, Ego…”

I reached out my hand to him and gave him my best comforting smile.

“I owe a lot to you, Baxter. The least I can do is introduce you to Niffty’s cooking.”

Baxter paused before reaching out and taking my hand. He smiled nervously at me before we both walked towards the dining room, the scent of hot food wafting through the lobby.


	4. A Date With Disillusionment

Life seemed strangely calm at the hotel for about a month after Sir Pentious’ failed attack. Weeks passed largely uneventfully, with new guests coming to the hotel every few days. Working at the hotel really gave me an impression of just how overpopulated and diverse Hell was. Demons from all walks of life came to the hotel, regardless of economic background, who they were in the mortal world, etc. Although, truth be told, I don’t think the majority of them agreed with Charlie’s visions of a better Hell. Many of the poorer sinners came to the hotel as a place to get a hot meal and a bed to sleep on, and were willing to put up with Charlie’s rehabilitation programs for safety. More affluent sinners shared Alastor’s sadistic mindset, viewing the hotel as a place of cheap entertainment. To these demons, every day at the hotel was like a free sitcom. I suppose they weren’t wrong, in some ways; where else could you see the underworld-renowned actor Angel Dust, a member of Hell’s royal family, and the Radio Demon himself all in the same room? A few demons even recognized Id and me, calling us things like “The Hot Blooded Souls” and “The Boiling Blood Demon”. Some of the more fanatical star-spotters insisted I ‘do the hot blood thing for them’. I tried to convince them that it wasn’t that easy, but they rarely listened. Eventually I managed to talk them down to a signature in my own (non-flaming) blood, which usually made them happy. Id would constantly tease me about how I handled the public, saying that I was finally just like my “slutty crush”, selling my body for fame. 

I had just finished signing gruesome autographs for a larger-than-usual group of demons. I waved to them as the left, Vaggie escorting the new arrivals to their respective rooms. My vision blurred a bit as I tried to lick my wounds closed, which was only moderately effective. True to his blunt words, Baxter’s razor blade only seemed to stop making me bleed when fabric touched the wound. There was probably some sort of chemical reasoning for that, but I knew better than to set Baxter off on one of his tangents. Instead I moved towards the staff lounge, trying not to pass out from blood loss. Again. I opened the door and moved over towards the cabinet above the sink to retrieve some bandages. Of course, given my lack of height, reaching that high was going to be a slight issue, especially considering I was sucking on one of my hands to not make a bloody mess. Id chortled next to me.

“Having fun there, superstar?”

I frowned at him and thought back to him as I moved a chair from the table towards the cabinets.

“Very funny, Id. You could help, you know. Maybe look inside the cabinet and tell me where the box of bandages is?”

Id laughed out loud in response to my thoughts.

“What, and miss you inevitably flail about and fall to the floor? No chance.”

I groaned. What a useful companion. Eventually, after a rather precarious climb to the cabinet, I managed to grab the box from the back of the shelf. Pulling it out, I groaned again. We only had children bandages, which were actually the perfect size, but were all adorned with small pictures of cute animals. Not wanting to taste my own blood anymore I decided to put aside my pride and use them anyway. Picking out a few bandages with cartoon images of (admittedly adorable) demon ducklings, I wrapped them around my digits and admired my handiwork with a sigh. It wasn’t the most dignified look, but it beat getting blood all over my uniform.

I had only just applied the bandages when the door to the staff lounge flung open. I only had time to glance in that direction before my makeshift ladder of chairs and boxes came tumbling down, and me along with it. Despite risking my life several times over, the feeling of having the ground literally pulled out from under you was never pleasant. I fell to the ground with a crash, a cardboard box landing over my head. Trying to ignore the pain in my back from falling onto the hard tile floor, I reached up to take the box off only to be interrupted by a loud squealing sound and the clatter of frantic hooves. Was that… a pig? Before I knew what hit me, something actually hit me, sending the box flying and pushing me flat to the ground. Looking straight up at the ceiling, I saw a pink snout enter my field of view, followed by two wide eyes and a slobbering mouth. I couldn’t even speak out of shock, and its entire body was on my torso, keeping me pinned. The pudgy porcine oinked happily before beginning to lick my face with great fervor. Eventually my nerves came back to me and I tried to push off the pig, with limited success. As I struggled with the affectionate animal I heard a familiar, lovely voice call out from the lobby.

“Fat Nuggets! Where are you sweetums?! Faaaaat Nuggeeeeeets!”

The pig on my torso swiveled around quickly, oinked loudly and sat down on my chest. His spiral tail wagged back and forth quickly, tickling my nose as it moved. It was somewhat hard to breath and I couldn’t see the door to the lounge as it swung open.

“Fat Nuggets, are you in here- oh my god!”

I would know that voice anywhere. Raising my hand weakly I tried to wave to the door, breathing heavily.

“Uh… h-hey Angel… do you, hnng, uh, know this pig?”

Angel made a loud cooing sound in response.

“Oh my goooood! Ego, Fat Nuggets likes youuuu! I need to get a pic of this…”

My arm fell weakly to my side as the pig, who I presumed to be Fat Nuggets, oinked happily. I might have had more strength if I wasn’t still recovering from the blood loss. I heard the rapid clicking of a cellphone camera as Id lost his cool next to me, bursting into a loud laugh.

“Hahaha! Holy shit, Ego, to think that, of all the crap we deal with, a pig’s ass would do you in!”

Id laughed louder, slapping his shadowy knee as Angel continued to take pictures. After what felt like ages, Angel Dust spoke up again.

“Alright, Nuggies, get off of Ego. C’mere boy! Spspspsp!”

The pig squealed and happily rushed over to his master. I continued to lay on the floor, trying to regain my breath and strength. This would have been easier if Fat Nugget’s saliva didn’t smell strongly of freshly cooked ham. As I stared at the ceiling in exhaustion I saw the shaded silhouette of a smiling spider enter my field of view. Angel Dust’s hair was quaffed in such a way as to seem laid-back yet stylish, like only he could pull off. His usual pink suit was replaced with a keyhole sweater that showed off his puffy chest fur. Maybe Id was right, that pig’s bum really did kill me and I went to Heaven after all. Angel laughed nervously and glanced to the side, blushing.

“Ehh, sorry about that. Fat Nuggets is a sweetheart, but he gets excitable fast. He really seems to like you though! Anyone that gets the squeal of approval from my little Fatty is good in my book.” The sensual spider demon reached down with all four of his arms and gently picked me up, placing me back on my wobbly legs, now weak for a variety of reasons. Angel frowned before trying to part by blonde hair into place. He stepped back to admire his makeshift hairstyling, then pouted. 

“Hmmm… Something still off…”

I tried to reply, but the pet’s saliva got my mouth as I spoke, making me gag. Strangely it tasted very similar to bacon. Angel snapped his fingers, his beautiful smile returning.

“Ah, right! You’re still covered in slobber.”

He turned around and bent over to look on the shelves beneath the sink, speaking to himself as he looked.

“C’mon, we’ve gotta have a towel or something around here… Hell man, some tissues would do...”

He swung his hips back and forth as he looked, revealing that the back of his extremely tight yoga pants had the word “TWINK” plastered in fluorescent pink letters across his shapely rear. I blushed further and tried to avert my gaze, ignoring the hypnotic swaying of the spider butt. I heard Id snickering on the ground next to me, grinning at my discomfort. Eventually Angel stood up once more and spun around, grinning at me.

“Found a dishrag. Hold still, shmookums.”

I tried to comply as Angel Dust wiped away his pet’s spit. When he was finished, he stood back once more before nodding in approval. Angel tossed the rag over his shoulder, missing the sink entirely, and gave me four thumbs up.

“Now you’re looking sexy, Ego!”

I looked back at Angel and tried to smile naturally. Between the way Angel always made me feel and the strong scent of pork that filled my nose with every breath, that was barely achievable. Angel placed two of his right hands on his hips, tilting to the side as he pointed to my chest.

“But, uh, I think my little Fatty may have trashed your outfit.”

Glancing down at uniform, my eyes immediately widened in panic. He was right: my busboy shirt was covered in dirty hoof marks and drool. I couldn’t help but speak out loud in shock.

“Ohhhh shit. Charlie is going to kill me.”

Id guffawed.

“Not if Niffty kills you first!”

I swiveled to look at my shadow, placing a hand on either side of my head. He was right. Niffty hates dirty of any kind. She would probably forgive me for getting dirty, but more importantly if she found out that it was Angel’s pet that caused it, the fight those two could spawn would make Valentino look like a Hellrat. Suddenly I felt a soft hand grab my wrist. I looked back towards my spider crush, who was grinning at me with a sparkle in his eyes.

“Well, this is perfect! I was planning on going out shopping with some gal pals. I’ll just bring you along to buy some new clothes!”

I tried to protest, but Angel Dust was already pulling me out of the staff lounge, his fingers interlocked with mine. In one of his other hands was a leash that held back a very eager Fat Nuggets. I would have been on cloud nine had the rest of the staff been chatting in the lobby. Angel shouted over his shoulder back at the group, raising another empty hand to them to wave goodbye.

“Later folks! Ego and I are going out on the town!”

I looked back in a bizarre mix of sheer panic and lovestruck thrill at the rest of my coworkers, minus Baxter, who was no doubt in the basement. Husk shouted back as we left while Charlie and Vaggie looked on in shock.

“Try not to break the kid, I’m not lifting anymore fuckin’ luggage.”

Angel shouted back, joy in his voice.

“No promises, Husky!”

The last thing I saw as we left the hotel was Niffty breaking a mop in half with one hand, a look of fury in her eye.

* * *

I was never much for shopping. It wasn’t that I didn’t like being in the city; quite the opposite. The bright light and loud sounds were exciting to someone that barely knew what a small town was like in the mortal world, nevermind most of my afterlife in the junkyard. My apathy for shopping probably came from an understanding of how much waste demons produced. Living in heaps of junk, one starts to see just what gets thrown away. A functioning metal fan, for example, or a gently used hoodie that just happened to be my size. I guess not wanting to waste things was just another way that I was an oddball amongst the citizens of Hell.

That was basically my mindset as Angel and I walked hand-in-hand down the busy downtown metropolis that surrounded the hotel. Angel hummed a tune as he walked, a smirk adorning his beautiful face, his chest fluff bouncing with each sashay. Fat Nuggets remained a couple of feet away, sniffing any passerby that got near just as happily as he smelled any loose pile of rubbish in an alley. Both his leash and my sweaty palm were being held in a pair of his soft, fuzzy hands. Meanwhile I could do nothing but stare at the ground in a mix of embarrassment, enamorment and strange shame. I glanced ahead at Fat Nuggets and frowned. Was I like him to Angel? Just a pet for his entertainment? Was that all anyone wanted down here? Cheap entertainment? To make matters worse I could practically feel the filthy glares from any male that passed us. They thought I wasn’t good enough to be with Angel Dust, and frankly they had a good case. Even the people I recognized that had received autographs from me just days ago shot me looks of disappointment. 

My haze of self loathing was interrupted by Angel speaking, but not to me. He was shouting down the sidewalk, waving with a free hand.

“Eyyy, what’s good, girls?!”

I looked ahead and saw two female demons standing outside a clothing depot. I recognized one from the news. One of them was a cyclops like Niffty, although much, much taller. Her clothes were ripped and torn in various places, which was likely a fashion statement, but to me seemed like something I could have found in the junkyard. The other demon was a Hellhound, with pale white skin and a long bushy tail. Her eyes seemed perpetually glued to her cellphone, barely taking notice of our approach. The cyclops grinned as we met them.

“There’s my favorite guy! How’s it hanging, Angie?”

Angel laughed and flicked her a pair of finger guns.

“Slightly to the left as usual Cherri. What’s happening with you, Loona?”

The Hellhound glanced up Angel, then down at the pig, then finally to me before going back to her phone.

“What’s with the kid?”

I frowned. I was 24 goddammit. Hell, I was probably older than either of these demon girls! I was going to speak up but Cherri suddenly gripped me by the shoulders and took me away from Angel. She held me at arms length, grinning wickedly.

“Oh my god, Angie, is this the little hot guy you told us about?”

Angel laughed from behind me.

“Hah! Yeah, that’s Ego, and the ink blotch is Id.”

Id winked up at the two demons.

“Hey ladies. Nice stockings. Would look better on the floor though.”

I blushed and frowned harder at Id’s comment, but surprisingly all three demons seemed to enjoy it. Well, it was obvious Cherri Bomb and Angel did; it was hard to tell if Loona cared much about anything. Angel nodded to the clothing shop with a smirk.

“Hey, are we going to get some new outfits or what?”

* * *

If I didn’t feel like I belonged on the street outside, I felt like a complete alien inside the shop. Expensive racks of clothing hung everywhere, and at my height it felt more like a fabric jungle than a place people shop for garments. Angel Dust and her two friends almost immediately tied Fat Nuggets’ leash to a pillar and sat me on a bench next to him while they went to peruse the store. I sighed as I sat on the small, brightly-colored bench. Excruciating pop music blared from the overhead speakers, and within moments I had a splitting headache. Rubbing my temples I felt something soft and wet poke me in the arm. Turning to look I saw Fat Nuggets nuzzling me with his snout. Reaching out to pet his soft head I sighed once more.

“What am I doing here, Fat Nuggets? I thought this would be like, I dunno, a date with Angel or something. Instead I’m sat here talking to a pig.”

Fat Nuggets let out a contented noise that sounded almost like a purr. Id chuckled on the wall next to me.

“Not what you expected, lover boy?”

I glanced over at my shadow, but could only grimace. Even if he was an ass, he still had a point. Maybe I should leave…

Just then I heard the ruffle of clothing and price tags. Before I knew it, a pile of clothes were thrust into my arms. From somewhere beyond the mountain of cloth came a set of voices.

“Ego! We picked out some stuff for you to try on.”

“Hah! Yeah, it’s all super cool.”

“Mhm.”

I was half-led, half-tossed into a dressing room. Placing the clothing on the ground with an audible thud, I looked in the full-body mirror. I almost felt like screaming. The uniform Niffty had made for me by hand was stained and wrinkled. My hair was done up in a sort of bizarre mohawk. I had bags under my eyes from exhaustion even though we had only been here for a couple of hours.Taking a few deep breaths, I tried to rationalize the situation. Maybe I was overreacting. I had always loved Angel Dust. What was there not to love? He was sexy, and funny, and… and… I shook my head and reached down to pick up a shirt from the pile. Things start slow in relationships. We would get to know each other, I’m sure of it. I held the shirt up in front of my body and froze. In the center of the shirt was a big, yellow, smiling demon duckling. The phrase “Best Day Out Ever” circled around it in rainbow letters. I could swear the font was Comic Sans. Looking into the mirror in shock, I felt like I had a prophet-style vision of the future. I saw myself in an Italian restaurant, sitting in a booster chair next to Angel Dust and his friends. I saw myself carrying bags for my boyfriend as he flirted with another demon. I saw myself being a ridiculed slave for the entertainment of others.

I am not above admitting that something in me snapped. I felt a rage take over me like I had never felt before, and ripped the children’s t-shirt in two. Swinging open the changing room stall, I saw the demons look in my direction expectantly, then with looks of confusion. Cherri Bomb spoke first.

“Yo, where’s the outfits Angel picked for you?”

I didn’t say anything; just glared and made my way towards the exit. Angel Dust reached forward and put his arm on my shoulder.

“Hey, where are you-”

I shrugged his hand off and turned to stare at him. My face must have been fierce, because I saw actual fear on his face before I spoke.

“Do. Not. Touch me.”

Loona growled back at me.

“Hey, who do you think you are, squirt?”

In a fit of anger I jumped up, plucked the cellphone from her hand and crushed it beneath my feet. I replied before they could react.

“Why do I think I am?! How about this, I’ll tell you what I’m not: I’m not a fucking toy for you to just pull around for your amusement!”

Cherri scowled at me, glancing around.

“Hey, chill dude, you’re embarrassing us.”

I hissed back at her.

“You’re embarrassed?! I was dragged through the city like a laughing stock in filthy clothes, treated like a child, and emasculated! Don’t you  _ dare  _ fucking talk to me about embarassment!”

It was at this moment that a store clerk sternly waltzed over to me.

“Sir, you are causing a disturbance in the store. You also have to pay for the article of clothing you destroyed-”

That was it. I whipped around and crashed my fist into the clerk’s knee with a strength I didn’t know I had. I heard the agonizing sound of his kneecap splintering into slivers, followed by him falling to the ground screaming. A drop of blood fell to the ground at my feet. It took me a moment in the chaos, but I realized it wasn’t coming from the injured store worker. It was coming from my nose. It was hot. I dashed out of the store before I lost my cool any further, bursting into a full sprint back towards the hotel.

* * *

I didn’t stop running until I reached a building about a block away from the hotel. At this point my clothes were an absolute sweat-stained, badly wrinkled, spit-soaked mess. I was nearly on the verge of tears. Looking around I realized where I actually was. That building. That damned building. Moving around the back in a well-rehearsed melancholy I saw that my grappling hook was still dangling off the edge of the roof. Climbing it was much easier than before. I guess good food and a nice home would do that to anyone, even a junkyard wretch like me. Reaching the roof I saw that old blanket where I had spent so many hours looking through windows. I walked over to it slowly, my mind, body and soul aching. I sat down on that familiar despair-filled rag and just started to sob. I didn’t look towards the hotel; instead I turned towards the clock tower that counted down to an inevitable massacre. Through my tear-blurred vision I saw that we were all nearly at 250 days left. I grit my teeth and spat at the rooftop in anger. Why wait? Just re-kill me and get it over with.

I don’t know exactly how long I sat in that mindset. In the direction I had run from I heard sirens and distant yelling. No doubt the store clerk being carted off to a hospital for knee surgery. Later I heard more commotion from the hotel lobby, but didn’t bother to look. I was probably being fired. That was fine. I had lived my life in trash, and self-loathing, and hatred. I could go back to that. Id tried to make fun for me for crying a few times, but when I didn’t respond to him he eventually fell silent. 

A while after the street lights turned on I heard soft footsteps to my side. I didn’t look to see who it was, nor did I say anything. They stood there for a while before a small, hoarse voice rang out.

“H-hi.”

I felt the tears sting in my eyes. Niffty. She continued.

“Al said I might find you here… Ch-Charlie says that you can still have your job if you want, and that Angel Dust shouldn’t have treated you like that.”

My tears dripped down onto the hard rooftop as she continued, her voice a near-whisper.

“Angel is… he’s really mad that you embarrassed him in front of his friends, and-”

“I’m sorry.”

Niffty stopped mid-sentence. The tears I thought had run out hours ago started flowing again.

“I’m sorry, Niffty.”

I heard her sniffle, and glanced in her direction. She had a rare frown on her face, and her eye was red from crying.

“B-b-but… why apologize t-to me?...”

I glanced back down my hands. The children’s bandages from that morning still wrapped around my fingers like snakes.

“Because I ruined the uniform you made. Because I made you worry.”

I sobbed, digging my fingers into my palm.

“Because I’m a bad friend and you deserve better.”

Moments passed in relative silence, apart from my weak sobbing. I glanced to the side and saw that Niffty wasn’t there anymore. I sobbed louder, but suddenly felt a pair of arms around me. Opening my eyes wider, I say through blurry eyes that Niffty was hugging my chest. My tears and blood dripped onto her hair. Her face was buried in my filthy shirt. Her eye was closed, but I could hear her crying softly into my shoulder. I could do nothing but weakly hug her back, pulling her closer to me. I closed my eyes, letting the feeling of Niffty’s grasp squeeze all of the tears from my eyes.

* * *

We spent the rest of the night on that rooftop. Eventually we fell asleep, still clinging together against the darkness. 


	5. The Immortal Demons, Pt. 1

The next morning was better than I was expecting it to be, but that was a very low bar to pass. Niffty and I walked into the lobby near the crack of dawn, being greeted by Charlie and Vaggie, who looked relieved and annoyed, respectively. My hand was holding Niffty’s weakly, but she squeezed my hand reassuringly whenever I started to feel nervous. I glanced over to her, and actually managed to smile for the first time in several hours. She was a mess: her normally pristine clothes were stained and dirty, she had bags under her eye from exhaustion, and her hair was frazzled in every direction. For a neat freak like Niffty this must have been a Hell beyond Hell; and yet she had a big smile on her face, and a twinkle in her eye. She noticed me looking and blushed, her smile widening as we approached the princess and her lover. Charlie sighed as if a large weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

“Oh thank goodness you two are alright! Everyone was so worried when Niffty didn’t come back from looking for you, Ego.”

I looked down at the floor, frowning.

“I’m sorry to make people worried. I understand if you want me to leave…”

Vaggie spoke up with a tone somewhere between annoyance and amusement.

“Why should we be mad at you, Ego? You’re not the one that dragged our busboy out of the hotel during working hours and bullied him to the point that he disabled a store worker.”

I looked back up at Vaggie wide-eyed.

“Wait… that guy from the store is… okay, but just…”

I sighed and squeezed Niffty’s hand for comfort, which she returned eagerly.

“Please don’t fire Angel. Even though he hurt me, he shouldn’t have to leave.”

Vaggie pinched the bridge of her nose, but was managing a small smile at the same time.

“Ego, you’re too nice for your own good, you know that?”

Charlie interrupted, an awkward smile on her face.

“Weeeeellll, the thing is, we sort of can’t fire Angel Dust even if we wanted to. On his first day working in room service he made us sign a contract that means he has job security.”

Vaggie moaned in anger.

“So, unfortunately, we all have to deal with him until his contract expires, or he chooses to quit.”

I raised an eyebrow at the two demon girls.

“What the hell is a contract?”

Charlie’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth to reply, but Vaggie rapidly changed the subject.

“Woah, hey, Niffty! Why don’t you, uh, go up to Ego’s room so you can both get cleaned up?”

Niffty’s grin widened further.

“Great idea!”

She then pulled me (more gently than she usually did) towards the guest elevator and pushed the button to my floor.

* * *

After the elevator reached my floor with a resounding ding, Niffty and I walked to my room. Well, I walked to my room; Niffty sort of skipped, never letting go of my hand. We reached my door, and I tried to fiddle in my pockets for the key. Before I could find it, I looked up to find the door open and Niffty putting a replica key in her dress pocket. She looked back at me and blinked, although I think it was supposed to be a wink.

“Being the hotel maid has its perks, huh?”

I smiled at her softly as she led us inside. Once inside I closed the door, and Niffty finally let go of my hand and went to sit on a chair. She smiled up at me tiredly.

“How about you go use the bathroom to change, and when you get back I can go wash our clothes?”

I was too mentally exhausted to object, so instead I just nodded, grabbed some fresh clothes and walked into the bathroom. As I undressed Id spoke for the first time in a while.

“Well, kiddo, I guess you finally managed to do it.”

I glanced down at my shadow and furrowed my brow, too tired to answer. Id grinned cruelly.

“You managed to bring a girl back to your room! And all you had to do was have a breakdown and nearly get yourself fired. Great work.”

I sighed and finished putting on the clean clothes. I didn’t dignify him with a response as he chuckled away. Opening the bathroom door I saw that Niffty had fallen asleep in the chair. I genuinely smiled. I guess she wasn’t always full of energy.

I placed my clothes on the floor next to the bed and gently picked up Niffty’s sleeping body before bringing her to the bed. Id began making some inappropriate comment about me holding an unconscious girl, but I gave him a death-glare and he dropped the joke. I looked back down at the small demon in my arms. She was so light and delicate, and yet she was one of the strongest people I had ever met. Placing her down onto my bed, I pulled the covers over her. She sighed contentedly in her sleep, then began softly snoring, sounding almost like a purring kitten. I stood next to the bed, looking at Niffty. She had brought me back from the brink just hours ago. What would I have done if she hadn’t shown up? I had a vision of myself using my last paycheck to buy an Exterminator’s lance and using it on myself. I sighed and stared down at the covers as they delicately rose and fell with each breath she took. Should I climb into bed with her? I was so tired. Would she mind? I shook my head and turned away. This was a hotel; I could find other beds to sleep in. Just then my stomach growled, and it dawned on me how starving I was. I made up my mind to go snag some food from the continental breakfast for Niffty and myself and tiptoed to the entrance.

* * *

Closing the door as quietly as I could, I turned away from my room to the hallway. Immediately I jumped and started to scream, only to instinctively cover my mouth to not wake Niffty. Standing across the hall from my room was Alastor, grinning as usual, his microphone staff in one hand. He spoke as my sleep-deprived nerves struggled to calm down.

“So, you put Niffty to bed?”

I blushed and looked up to the Radio Demon.

“N-no… well, yes, but I didn’t… not like that…”

Alastor chuckled, quieter than usual to not wake his worker.

“Hah! I know, Ego, I know. Besides, she’s an adult and can make her own decisions.”

Id scoffed.

“She is? I thought she was, like, 7.”

Alastor shot a frightening look at Id, who actually recoiled before crossing his arms and pouting. My mentor turned back to me, his smile becoming more natural.

“Now then, my boy, walk and talk with me. Today is a special day.”

I hesitantly nodded and spoke first as we walked.

“Uh, no offense Alastor, but I was going to go get some breakfast for Niffty and-”

Alastor laughed again, louder now that we were away from my room.

“Ah, the young romantic bringing his woman some victuals in bed. I love it!” 

I blushed as he continued.

“However, we haven’t time for that right now. I’ll have Husk bring her some food and tell Niffty it was from you.”

I raised an eyebrow to the Overlord as we reached the elevator.

“Oh… I guess that works, but where am I going?”

Alastor chuckled softly, his breath full of static as the elevator car trundled to the lobby.

“I’m glad you asked! Today I have a meeting with some of my associates, and as my apprentice it is important that you learn how to handle underworld transactions.”

Now both my eyebrows raised. It occured to me that I didn’t really know much about Alastor. Sure, everyone was afraid of him, and he was very powerful, but what did he do everyday? Id grumbled at our feet.

“Look, as much as take-your-failure-to-work day sounds fun, we need sleep.”

Alastor laughed loudly at Id’s comment and held out his hand to me. At first it was empty, but slowly a cloud of golden smoke materialized in his palm. The swirling gas eventually solidified, forming a shimmering golden apple. My mentor offered to me to take it, which I did with a bit of hesitation. I looked at the fruit in my hand with confusion. I could see my exhausted face in the reflection, as if it were a spotless mirror. It didn’t seem to be made of actual gold, or metal at all; in fact, it felt just like a normal apple. Alastor smiled and explained, seeing my confusion.

“Consider this breakfast, my young assistant! That is a Forbidden Apple. Eat it while we walk to the carriage.”

The elevator dinged and Al briskly walked out into the lobby, leaving me behind. I rushed to keep up and, against my better judgement, took a bite out of the apple. I nearly dropped it in shock after the first bite. As much as I adored Niffty’s cooking, I had never, ever tasted anything this good. It was like a full course meal in a single bite. The taste was indescribable; I couldn’t even describe it as sweet, or savory, or even anything sensible. Furthermore, I felt like I had just taken a successful power nap: my exhaustion was almost immediately gone. I rapidly scarfed down the rest of the apple in a few large bites, hesitated, then ate the core too. Alastor looked down at me and chuckled as we walked.

“Enjoy your breakfast, lad?”

I nodded emphatically, licking the remaining juice from my fingers. He laughed again as we continued out the front door.

“Haha! Yes, Forbidden Fruit as quite something. I’m partial to Forbidden Pineapple myself. That being said, try not to get attached to them.”

I looked up to him in confusion as I wiped my hands on my pants.

“Why not?”

Alastor looked down at me with a grin.

“Why, because they’re highly addictive and extremely dangerous, of course! Forbidden Apples have enough energy to keep someone awake for 3 days without fatigue. Eating anything larger would make you burst into flames.”

Alastor continued to the edge of the street, saying something about an old associate who exploded after eating a Forbidden Watermelon whole, while I stopped a few feet away in shock. I looked down at my stomach in horror. I didn’t feel tired anymore, but I sort of wished I still did. Eventually I shook myself out of it and moved up to my mentor. I looked out onto the empty street, then back up to Alastor.

“Didn’t you say we would be taking a carriage?”

Alastor nodded, pulling a pocket watch out and flipping it open before speaking.

“Indeed I did! Jeremiah should be along in a few moments.”

Suddenly a loud roar came from down the street. I looked over in awe as some sort of mouth-like portal opened in the middle of the street. Inside was a pure blackness that sent chills up my spine. A moment later, a car came speeding out of the void. It looked like a stereotypical 1920’s automobile, with a few marked differences. The wheels appeared to be spiked, tearing into the street with each rotation. It was a deep red color, and it appeared to have small wailing faces painted onto it; although when I tried to focus on one, the face disappeared. The most noticeable detail was the driver: as the car approached, I came to realize that the chauffeur was in fact a charred corpse in a striped suit. Pieces of his flesh seemed to crack off, turn to dust, and regrow instantly. As the car pulled up to us, I saw that he had a nametag on, with the name Jeremiah scrawled on in some dark brown fluid. I shuddered just looking at him, but Alastor walked up with arms wide open.

“Jeremiah! You always know how to make an entrance. How is the driving today?”

Jeremiah turned his head to us with an awful creak, before speaking with a voice so hoarse that I cringed just hearing him.

“Can’t complain, Sir.”

Alastor laughed as Jeremiah got out of the car to open the back door for us. The chauffeur left a small path of dust as he walked. Alastor got in first, and I followed, trying my hardest not to look at Jeremiah. Once inside I noticed how plush it was. Every inch of the interior seemed to be covered in a crimson velvet, and the seats were amazingly comfortable. I also noticed there were no seatbelts, true to the 1920’s style. Jeremiah moved back to the driver's seat before speaking again in that painful voice.

“Where to, Sir?”

Alastor placed his hands in his lap and grinned wider.

“I’m having a meeting today with the usual ne'er do wells. Take us to the Conference Room.”

Jeremiah gave a creaking nod and placed his hands on the steering wheel. 

“Very good, Sir.”

With a sputter of the engine and a dusting of the driver, we were off.

* * *

I sat awkwardly next to the Radio Demon as Jeremiah drove wildly down backstreets and alleyways. It seemed like he was intentionally avoiding the main roads, as if to get something off our trail. Luckily for my stomach, the inside of the car seemed to remain perfectly still and comfortable, no matter how crazily we drove. I glanced over at Alastor, who was staring out the window as Hell sped by. I saw in the reflection that he was grinning as usual, but had a serious look in his eyes. I considered talking to him, but Id beat me to it in his usual crass way.

“So, Al. What sort of meeting is this? Business or pleasure?”

Alastor’s head turned to us the long way, circling backwards in an unsettling way.

“Purely business, my ethereal friend! We’re off to meet some of the most powerful demons Hell has ever seen.”

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

“Like, the Overlords?”

Al chuckled lowly and shook his head.

“No, no, although I could see why you would make that mistake. The average sinner down here in Hell sees the Overlords as the rulers, although the truth is a bit more complicated.”

Alastor leaned back, seemingly settling in for the long haul. I had no idea how far away our destination was, so I decided to follow suit and listen to him.

“Allow me to explain. The current Overlords are all mortal souls. They were once humans on Earth, but managed to commit enough atrocious sins to become powerful demons when they died. A mortal demon’s power stems from two things…”

The Radio Demon held up a finger for each listing as he spoke.

“Firstly, the more heinous the sin, and the more frequent a sin, the more powerful a mortal demon becomes. Secondly, mortal demons maintain their power by keeping people’s attention.”

I furrowed my brow at my mentor.

“What does that mean? Like, does a demon have to be popular to be powerful?”

Alastor chuckled.

“Well, in a manner of speaking, yes. The more humans and demons an Overlord has enthralled, the more power they have. Take that pompous pimp Valentino. Before you fought him, he was very powerful because he siphoned the attention his nightwalkers garnered. Now that you’ve disfigured him, his power has dropped significantly.”

I actually smirked at the idea that I had brought a real Overlord down a few pegs, but my joy was short lived. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had made myself a real enemy of the Overlords. I tried to ignore those thoughts as Alastor continued.

“There is another type of demon, however: immortal demons. These beings have been in Hell since the very beginning of time. They forged the Pentagram itself, which serves as the main portal for souls coming to Hell from Earth. These are the demons we’re going to meet.”

My mouth was agape.

“But… but how have I never heard of them? Shouldn’t they be the most powerful demons of all, ruling everything?”

Alastor’s smile diminished slightly, and he sighed.

“Yes. Yes, they should be in charge. Unfortunately, the way immortal demons get power is a bit different from their mortal counterparts. Immortal demons have a massive amount of power over any single demon or human. However, as they try to control more and more souls, their power gets spread thinner and thinner. With Hell’s rising population levels, immortal demons have basically gone into hiding to avoid being hunted by Overlords and Exterminator Angels alike.”

I frowned at Alastor as the pieces started to fall into place.

“You’re not at the hotel for just entertainment, are you?”

Alastor turned to me, his grin returning as I spoke.

“You see Charlie’s idea of rehabilitating demons as a way to make the immortal demons more powerful. The less demons in Hell, the stronger they become, so if they get sent to Heaven they can get their strength back.”

Alastor gave a low, sinister laugh that told me I was correct. He reached over and patted my head.

“I knew I was right to choose you, Ego. You learn quickly.”

I wanted to ask more questions. What did Alastor have to gain from helping the immortal demons? From what I heard, my mentor was a mortal demon just like me. In fact, his power was unusual even among mortal demons, allowing him to rival the Overlords even though radios weren’t exactly the cutting-edge of keeping people’s attention these days. Plus, if mortal demons got their strength from having people’s attention, why were Id and I so strong? We had lived for years in a junkyard, being societal outcasts, and even then when Id had my body he was able to destroy things with relative ease. I opened my mouth to speak, but a horrible screeching voice came from the front seat.

“We are here, Sir.”

* * *

Alastor and I got out of the hellish car and turned to watch Jeremiah leave via a portal much like before. I turned to look at our surroundings as the dust settled from the debris the spiked tires had left. Tall skyscrapers stretched far, far above us, seemingly touching the Pentagram itself. The sounds of gunshots and sirens seemed to ring from around every dark, damp corner. I watched in slight horror as a Hellrat carried off the corpse of some small creature behind a dumpster. I turned to Alastor, slightly nervous.

“Uh… where exactly are we, Alastor?”

Alastor smiled down at me, but his look was serious.

“Somewhere secret, my young apprentice. Now before we meet my cohorts, I need to brief you on how to act.”

Alastor kneeled down to my level, staring me dead in the eyes as he spoke with more intensity than I had heard from him. I could tell he wasn’t angry with me; it was as if he was warning me.

“Do not leave my side unless I instruct you to do so. Do not speak unless spoken to. If you need to tell me something, pull on my sleeve discreetly. And, most importantly,  _ do not _ take anything they offer you. Do you understand, Ego?”

I nodded, sweat forming on my brow. Alastor then turned to look at Id.

“Same goes for you, Id. Do not make deals with them. Do not talk to them. If you try to make a snide comment I will instruct Ego to never allow you use of his body again.”

Id opened his mouth to reply, most likely with a joking retort, but the look on Alastor’s face actually made him stop. He closed his mouth into a frown and nodded back in silence. Alastor then stood up and nodded to both of us, returning to his usual jovial self.

“Excellent. In that case, we’re going inside.”

He reached his hand towards a nearby skyscraper. However, rather than pointing towards the front entrance, he motioned to a set of stairs that seemed to lead to a maintenance door belowground. 

Following Alastor’s instructions I stayed close to him as we walked to the door. Everything seemed dingy and unkempt, as you may expect of an inner-city. As we walked down the stairs, we both stopped at the door. A small mailbox was nailed to the wall next to the door, its mailing address scraped off. Alastor reached forward and removed the mailbox, revealing some sort of handprint scanner on an illuminated screen. Alastor chuckled to himself.

“You know, I prefer old-fashioned technology. That being said, I’ll make exceptions for security.”

He placed the mailbox on the ground and moved his hand to the scanner. A line of light passed over his palm before a robotic voice replied.

“Welcome back, Alastor.”

The door swung open to reveal another set of stairs, moving downwards into a deep darkness. Unsure of what to do, I just stood there. Alastor and I waited as the sound of small, hurried footsteps became louder from the stairs below. A flickering candlelight accompanied the footsteps, and soon enough I saw what was creating them. A creature smaller than me, no more than 2 feet tall, was haphazardly rushing up the stairs, a half-melted candle in a saucer in one of his hands. He was wearing a grey robe that was about 7 sized too large, and he nearly tripped over himself with each step. His hands were hidden by the overly long sleeves. In fact, I could barely see any of his skin, apart from his face. Two wide red eyes looked out at us from within the robe as he approached, and from where his mouth should be, a tangle of slick green tentacles drooped down. Eventually the small creature reached the top of stairs, took a moment to catch its breath, and saluted Alastor with his free hand. Alastor smiled down at the creature.

“At ease, Wer. It’s good to see you’re still around.”

Wer’s eyes closed in such a way to show happiness. He then turned to me, then to Id, then back to Alastor before speaking. Well, I assume he was speaking; his tentacles moved and Wer produced a sort of sloshy gurgling sound. Alastor reached down and put a hand on my head.

“This is my apprentice, Ego, and his shadow Id. Ego, say hello to Wership.”

Wership reached his sleeve-covered hand forward, and I shook it nervously.

“N-nice to meet you, Wership.”

Wer nodded enthusiastically, saying something with a happy tone before Alastor spoke again.

“Wer here is one of the immortal demon’s apprentices. I’m sure you two will get along swimmingly. Oh, also, Wership, Ego must be entered into the system.”

Wership let go on my hand, nodded quickly again, then reached into the pocket of his robe. He pulled out a piece of paper on a clipboard and an ancient-looking quill pen. I picked up the pen and looked at the sheet of paper. It was blank, but more importantly, it seemed insanely old. The paper was yellowed and cracked, with frayed edges, I frowned and looked up at Alastor.

“Uh, does this count as me taking something or making a deal?”

Alastor laughed loudly at my question before replying.

“You are listening! No, this is a necessity. Just sign your name and you’ll be entered into the security system.”

I looked back down at the sheet and the pen before noticing there was no ink well. It dawned on me slowly, and I nodded. Raising my right hand, I pricked my index finger with the end of the quil. Smearing blood onto my fingers, I reached forward and signed myself and Id in. Once I pulled my hand back, I watched as the blood began to glow brightly before being absorbed into the page and disappearing. Wer made a happy sound and I handed back his pen. He waddled outside, replaced the mailbox, and turned back towards the stairs as the candle illuminated the path down. Alastor nodded down at me as we all continued down the stairway, the heavy door swinging closed behind us.

* * *

Alastor spoke to Id and me as we descended.

“The security measures are a necessity. As I mentioned, Overlords and Exterminators both want the immortal demons killed, both for their own reasons. To keep things relatively safe, every single creature that enters here is scanned into the system. There aren’t even any houseplants down here.”

I took in the pathway as we walked. As opposed to the filthy outside, this pathway was… swell, still filthy, but in a different way. The soot and grime from outside was replaced with a musty, moldy feeling. The brick walls surrounding us seemed slightly damp, and cracks between the bricks were filled with fungi. After a while of walking we reached the bottom of the stairwell, with a slightly-more-inviting wooden door at the bottom. More flickering light flooded out from below, and a sort of murmuring could be heard from within. I had a strange feeling of deja-vu, but shrugged it off. Wership reached forward and knocked three times on the door before speaking to the people within in his unintelligible way. A cold, rattling voice from within replied.

“Enter.”

Wership reached up and turned the doorknob, allowing us all the enter. Alastor and I walked in as he closed the door behind us. 

The room felt a bit like a mix between a war-room and a library. Stacks of musty books were piled around the circular room haphazardly, with lit candles placed on top of them, which seemed strictly unsafe. In the center of the room was a round table with a few chairs positioned randomly. Most were empty, but three demons sat and looked at us as we entered. Even for demons, they looked very unique. On the far left, a tall, dark-skinned demon sat and watched us intently. His robe, as well as his skin, were covered in dark tattoos that seemed to shift like smoke over him. He gave off the air of a pharaoh, and his expression was blank. The rightmost demon seemed to actually be three people: his head had three faces, one facing forward and one on either side. They had six arms and were bare-chested, with glittering necklaces adorning him. The three faces stared at us with different emotions, ranging from joy to rage to indifference. Finally, the third immortal demon resembled a statue: extremely handsome, with a chiseled jaw and well-groomed facial hair. A crown of leaves sat on his head, and on his lap was a small brown puppy with three heads. Apparently three-headedness was a common trope here. The demon stroked his puppy as he watched us. Alastor grinned and raised his arms to the immortal demons before us.

“Ego, it is my pleasure to introduce Nyarlathotep, Hades and Dattatreya: the immortal demons!”

I looked at the group of god-like demons with awe before Alastor put his hand on my head. I looked up and he grinned down at me.

“Now, let’s get down to business, huh?”


	6. The Immortal Demons, Pt. 2

Alastor sauntered over to the round table, sitting in between the immortal demons known as Hades and Dattatreya. I sat next to him, with Dattatreya to my side. I glanced at them nervously, only to find that his nearest face was looking down at me with a grimace. The front face spoke out to the group with a more neutral tone.

“So, Alastor. Care to introduce us to the new lackey you roped into this situation?”

Alastor chuckled, placing his hand on my head as usual.

“This is Ego, my apprentice, and the shadow attached to the young lad is Id.”

Alastor smirked before continuing.

“You may have heard of them as the Boiling Blood Demon.”

Hades whistled in appreciation and raised his eyebrow at me seductively.

“Ohoho! A hot one, eh, Al? Hopefully he lasts a while.”

I averted my gaze from the Greek demon. It felt like he was doing more than undressing me with his eyes; his gaze had a hunger in it that felt unnatural, even for a demon. Suddenly the pharaoh-like demon, Nyarlathotep, interjected. His voice was cold and lifeless. He sounded more like an empty corpse than a demon.

“We must proceed with the meeting. My masters will grow impatient.”

Hades rolled his eyes.

“Those Old Ones need to take a chill pill, Nyar. How long has it been since they gave you a vacation from being their puppet?”

The vessel did not respond to his goading, and Alastor grinned wider.

“Very well, let’s get started. First things first: where is our dear friend Lucifer?”

I looked up at Alastor in a bit of a surprise, keeping my thoughts to myself as I was instructed. Lucifer? As in Charlie’s father? The face of Dattatreya closest to me harrumphed in annoyance.

“Missing, as usual. Why that fool chose to marry a mortal demon Overlord is beyond me. They spend more time feuding over territory than doing any work.”

I furrowed my brow in confusion and stared at the table. This was all a lot to take in. If Charlie’s mother was an Overlord, and her father was an immortal demon, what did that make Charlie? Plus, where were her parents right now? I had never met them, and Charlie talked about them rarely, as if she was afraid to. I pushed those questions to the side of my mind as Alastor clapped his hands together, his smile widening as usual.

“Oh well, his loss. Nyarlathotep, my chum, please pull up the connection to our contact on Earth.”

The envoy of the Old Ones nodded, then snapped his fingers. Wership then clambered onto the table with some difficulty, placed a small mechanical disk in the center, then jumped back down onto his seat next to him master. I heard the click of a button from his seat, but could not see him due to his lack of height. The disk responded, the center opening up like a camera lens and shining a bright light upwards. The light made a very slight humming sound, and soon a figure began to materialize in a miniature hologram on the table. Alastor grinned.

“Ah, I do enjoy the show that device puts on.”

The figure in the hologram reminded me a great deal of some alternate version of Alastor himself. His skin was a dark grey, matching his black suit, pants, walking cane and,most notably, his large top hat. A monocle covered his left eye, and his right eye lacked an iris. His grin showed a row of slightly green, razor-sharp teeth, much like my mentor’s. Upon seeing us, he bowed deeply, as if waiting for orders. The front face of Dattatreya responded with little emotion.

“As you were, Black Hat. You have permission to speak.”

The figure known as Black Hat righted himself with an inhuman jerking motion. I noticed that he was standing in front of an enormous window, and to my shock, I saw the human world out of it. Earth. Black Hat replied in a disturbing, growling voice.

“Thank you, my lords. I hope you are all well.”

Black Hat glanced in my direction, and our eyes briefly met. I don’t know what it was, but I felt more fear in that one moment than I ever had before. I could tell in that instant that Black Hat wasn’t even close to a human; I’m not even sure he was a demon, for that matter. He seemed to be nothing but pure evil. Nyarlathotep spoke once more with the enthusiasm of a doorstop, completely ignoring Black Hat’s formality.

“Tell us how the operation is proceeding, Black Hat.”

Black Hat nodded. He appeared nervous for a moment, which made me more afraid. If something like Black Hat had reason to fear these immortal demons, I may already be too deep to get out alive.

“Of course, my lords. I am pleased to announce that the deal-making quota is right on track. Several hundred million souls are being signed over to our cause every day thanks to them not reading Terms and Agreement documents-”

Alastor cut in, a look of excitement in his eyes.

“Show us.”

Black Hat recoiled for a fraction of a second before regaining his composure.

“Of course, my lordships.”

Black Hat pushed a button on the desk he was standing in front of, and with a whirring sound the room began to rise around him. A moment of traveling downwards and the elevator he was standing in came to a halt. The window behind him was replaced with an eerie-looking sort of warehouse. Dimly lit rows of some sort of glass jars seemed to stretch out behind Black Hat for eternity. Black Hat spoke to us as he walked over to one of the shelves.

“As you can see, they are all quite secure here. Regardless of their intended destination, none of these fools will ever reach Heaven nor Hell.”

As he picked up one of the jars, the pieces all clicked into place, making my stomach lurch in terror. Inside the jar was a sort of wax-colored translucent gas. As I watched, the gas formed small features: a hand clawing at the glass, a foot kicking the lid, a face screaming in agony. I looked on in horror as I realized what it was. 

A soul. A mortal soul. Every jar was a person that had either willingly or unwillingly signed their afterlife away to Black Hat. No… not to Black Hat. He was just a peon, like me. They sold their souls to Alastor and the immortal demons. All of these people had unknowingly signed up to spend an eternity in a glass cage. It all made sense, in a twisted way: while the Alastor was using Charlie’s hotel to get souls  _ out _ of Hell, Black Hat was making sure that as few new souls came in as possible. Black Hat placed the jar back down in its slot carefully, then returned to attention, giving the room a malicious grin.

“These jars were mass-produced using the hellfire forges your lordships graciously provided. They are extremely durable, inside and out.”

Hades seemed to be almost drooling alongside his three-headed puppy.

“How many of them do you have, Black Hat?”

The dapper monster in the hologram grinned wider, mimicking his radio-loving master.

“Currently 2.3 billion deceased mortals are kept here. As far as living souls that have been bound to us…”

Black Hat gripped his cane tightly, a nightmarish look of victory in his eyes.

“...Nearly three times that amount are currently walking around on Earth, unaware of their fate.”

I sat there in shock while Alastor clapped a few times, laughing heartily.

“Splendid work, Black Hat! You are doing well for yourself, I assure you! We will be speaking again soon.”

Black Hat nodded once more before bowing deeply. The hologram flickered out and the disk closed with a slight hiss, returning the room to nothing but the sound of flickering candles.

* * *

The meeting continued on around me while I sat at the table in stunned silence. The truth was hard to swallow. Nearly ten billion mortal souls were being stored like mayonnaise on Earth. It didn’t matter if they were going to go to Hell or Heaven; good and bad people alike were being denied a chance. The thoughts of my conversation with Vaggie floated to the forefront of my mind. Were there even good people or bad people? Did a line between them exist? Was there even a goddamn place worth trying to go to after life on Earth?! A feeling of nihilistic hopelessness washed over me. I glanced down at Id, hoping he would at least give me a snarky grin, or a cheeky wink. Anything to make me feel like the afterlife had some sort of familiarity. But Id was frowning too, seemingly feeling the same way, although I suspect his sadness was less out of empathy and more out of a desire to punch demons that would never arrive to meet his fists. 

The immortal demons and Alastor chatted for a while. I half-listened, although what I heard was actually somewhat boring while still maintaining its sinister undertones. They discussed how the Pentagram would be split-up after the immortal demons’ return to power, how souls would be allocated, etc, etc. They made the complete takeover of Heaven, Earth and Hell sound like a business transaction. Eventually as I tuned out the higher demon’s rambling, and became used to the crackle of the candles, another noise caught my attention. A low droning sound. Scanning around the room, I soon found the culprit: a small beetle was buzzing in between stacks of books. I raised an eyebrow at it. It flew in a strange way, never more than a few feet from the table, and never staying in one place for too long. It seemed to be hiding itself constantly, staying out of the light. I furrowed my brow and remembered something. I wanted to speak out loud and ask about the beetle, but hesitated, remembering Alastor’s rules. I then reached up to him and gently tugged twice on his sleeve. Alastor held up an index finger to his partners, stopping mid-sentence to turn to me. I smiled down at me, but I could tell he was mildly irritated at my interruption.

“Yes, my apprentice?”

I felt sweat on the back of my neck, as all the other immortal demons looked at me with annoyance as well.

“W-well… you said every creature in this place was accounted for, r-right?”

Hades scoffed and rolled his eyes at me.

“What, are you afraid a boogey-man might-”

Alastor turned to him and must have shot him a strong look, considering Hades shut his trap immediately. The Radio Demon then turned back to me, his head tilted in confusion.

“Yes, that’s right. Everything bigger than an amoeba is signed into the guest book with blood. Anything trying to get in without permission is disintegrated instantly.”

I swallowed, then pointed towards the beetle.

“Then, uh… is that bug in the records?”

The room went deathly silent. Even the beetle stopped buzzing, as if knowing it had been found. A few moments of tense silence passed before Nyarlathotep spoke up again, some actual fear in his voice.

“Young one… what did this beetle look like?”

All eyes were focused on the stacks of books. The flickering flames cast frightening shadows on the walls as I spoke nervously, wondering what was going on.

“Ummm… well, it was a sort of light pinkish color, with some purple lines on it.”

“Did it have something that looked like feathers on it?” The face of Dattatreya further from me asked, concern in its voice. I thought back before frowning.

“I think it did, yeah. Why, what’s wrong with a little bug?”

Alastor stood up slowly, his chair moving backwards with a scraping sound that sliced through the darkness. For the first time since I had seen him, he wasn’t smiling. His expression was stern and serious. He spoke out loud, but not to me. He was facing the books.

“So. You managed to track us down. Well done for you, Rosie. You can quit hiding now.”

A moment of silence passed before a new noise came from the books. It was almost like a cicada chirping, but more rhythmic. I realized in terror what it was: laughter. A voice followed the insectoid cackling, but no form accompanied it.

“Oh, Ally-poo, you know how much love a good game of hide and seek!”

Every word from this creature sounded like ligaments and wings rubbing together, like a thousand bugs were speaking in unison. Somehow the voice came across as female, with a mocking tone.

“It’s so nice to see all of you old timers again! Plus you have a couple appetizers too! They both look…”

The sound of licking lips and fluid hitting the floor interrupted the speech.

“... _ so delicious _ .”

I grimaced as my stomach lurched. This demon must be talking about Wership and me. I tried to hold onto my nerves and reached up to grab my B.L.A.D.E. necklace. I glanced down at Id and nodded, which made him grin wickedly. I was prepared to have him take over if need be. However, Alastor put his hand on my head, drawing my attention back to him. I looked up, but his gaze was fixated on the eerie book piles.

“Ego. Id. I want you to stay back and protect Wership and the immortal demons. If I lose to Rosie, I want you to hold nothing back on getting them out of here.”

I looked at my mentor with true fear. The thought that anything could beat him seemed impossible. I gazed back to the last place I had seen the beetle, responding in a whisper.

“What… what is it? Who is Rosie?”

Alastor answered in a grave tone, the usual joy in his voice gone.

“One of the Overlords. She makes all the articles of clothing worn by every demon in Hell. She’s always hungry, and always cruel.”

Rosie’s voice seemed to echo around the room, coming from everywhere and nowhere at once.

“Aww, Alastor, sweetie. You don’t have to be so mean! Didn’t I treat you nice when we were dating?”

My eyes widened at this news, but quickly decided now wasn’t the time for gossip. I spoke back to Alastor, trying to seem confident.

“If I beat Valentino, how much harder could this Overlord be?”

That shrill laugh rang throughout the chamber, making my confidence shrivel.

“Oh, so  _ you _ are the little Imp that managed to mess up Val? That poor bastard’s face looks like a plate of oatmeal, and doctors say it will never be healed!”

Another chilling laugh before she continued.

“Let me make one thing clear, appetizer: I am stronger than Valentino could ever hope to become. Just think about it: people only watch his pornography occasionally, but how many naked demons do you see running around? Every piece of cloth, every strand of fabric comes from my brood.”

I shuddered, remembering what Alastor told me. Mortal demons became stronger by having people know them, and every single demon was wearing something made by Rosie’s insect minions. Even me. I glanced down at my hoodie, imagining the millions of ligaments that must have made it, and nearly vomited. Alastor patted my head in a sort of comforting command.

“All of you stay back. I’ll handle the intruder.”

I could only nod as all of the immortal demons, Wership and I huddled behind the table, hugging the way furthest from the books. Alastor slowly walked around the round table, his radio cane tapping the ground with each step. He finally stopped directly across from us. That same laugh rang out once more.

“Oh, Ally! Do you really think you can-”

“You always did talk too much.” Alastor cut in, snapping his fingers. A sound similar to a radio turning off played from his hand, and the room was plunged into an unnatural silence. It wasn’t just that Rosie had become quiet: nothing was making a single sound anymore. The fire stopped crackling. The nervous breathing of Wer through his baggy robe was silenced. Even my own rapid heartbeat was no longer playing out in my ear. Nothing was audible but the Radio Demon, who continued with an almost distinguishable smirk in his voice.

“Also, aren’t we all a bit old to be playing children’s games, Rosie?”

Alastor waved his hands towards the book, turning all the candles in his gaze to a deep green color. These unnatural flames rapidly melted their candles to the base before engulfing the books they sat upon. In an eerie silence the entire room in front of us was turned into a chartreuse inferno. A moment or two passed before some force from within flames blew them away with a strong burst of ash-filled air. There, standing about 15 feet away from Alastor, was the Overlord of fashion, Rosie. Her face was twisted into a snarl, with some dark-grey drool seeping out over her lower lip. Hey eyes were even more disturbing: they were pitch black and seemed to absorb any light he looked at, giving the impression that they were nothing more than bottomless pits. Her once beautiful dress was now singed from the flames, and through the scorched holes I swore I could see a writhing, wriggling layer of insects covering her. Most noticeably was what had blown away the flames: a pair of large insect-like wings sprouted from her back, flapping in silent fury, blowing wind our way. Alastor tapped his cane on the ground, and the rest of the flames instantly vanished.

“Well, Rosie, I would say it was nice seeing you, but that would be an absolute lie. I suppose you heard about how our plans are coming along?”

Rosie’s eyes narrowed as Alastor waved her hand at her dismissively.

“No, no, don’t trouble yourself with answering, I already know you heard it all.”

I couldn’t help but smirk at my mentor’s cockiness. Of course she couldn’t answer if she wanted to, and even faced with such a terrible threat Alastor still had time to make fun of his opponent. Alastor continued jovially.

“Well, then, since you know so much, I think it would only be fair to tell you another piece of information…”

Suddenly Alastor’s voice changed on a dime, becoming full of threatening malice.

“Knowing what you know, I can’t let you leave this room.”

Rosie opened her mouth, making a laughing motion. I caught a glimpse into her gullet, and saw rows upon rows of dagger-like teeth stretching far back into her throat. In the blink of an eye, Rosie rushed forward with blinding speed, kicking up ash as she did. Alastor managed to dodge to the left, but a scratch mark had formed on his arm. A trickle of oddly black blood ran down his arm, and from this angle I could see him grimacing in pain. Rosie didn’t stop though, coming for the Radio Demon again and again. Al could dodge most of the attacks, but it was clear to me that he wasn’t fast, or had great physical strength. Alastor fell against the wall, breathing heavily, blood pouring from multiple gashes on his body. He looked down at the floor as Rosie stood above him, licking her now-black claws in triumph. Alastor then spoke again, but not to Rosie.

“Ego.”

I looked at him in shock, unable to answer but listening intently.

“I want this to be a lesson for you, my apprentice. You must think I’m not very strong, or fast, or powerful in general.”

Rosie raised an eyebrow, curiosity compelling her to listen.

“As my apprentice, you need to understand that, sometimes, strength isn’t about being able to stomp someone into the ground. Sometimes…”

Alastor chuckled a bit before raising his head rapidly. I saw static in his eyes, and those symbols formed around his head. He continued, his voice full of bloodlust, much like Id.

“It’s all about outsmarting a little gnat.”

Rosie’s face contorted into a look of pure rage, and she brought her hand down to finish off Alastor. However, her hand stopped just short, a sort of electricity catching her claws. She jumped backwards in visible pain, only for more electricity to hit her in the back. She collapsed to the ground, her wings scorched and charred. As I stared at the ground around her, Alastor’s plan became fully evident. He wasn’t simply dodging randomly: his movements were calculated. Brushed into the ash on the floor was one of the symbols that usually floated around Alastor’s head when he was scheming; a sort of circle with a cross-hair in the middle. The symbol glowed faintly in the ash, seemingly projecting an invisible wall of electricity around Rosie. She tried scratching away the ash, only to be electrocuted further. Her mouth opened in a rage-filled scream, made silent by Alastor’s magic. My master turned to us, a wild look in his eyes. He stood up, his wounds seeming to bother him less than he let on, and ushered us towards the door quickly.

“Come on, then! This isn’t going to be a pretty sight when Rosie brute forces her way out!”

None of us hesitated, rapidly following Alastor’s lead out of the below-ground chamber. The further we got from Rosie, the less potent the silence effect became, until sound returned to normal. Our footsteps echoed through the stairway as we rushed upwards, eventually bursting out into the alleyway. Everyone was huffing and puffing, and I noticed that Nyarlathotep had actually carried Wership up the stairs to save time. I turned back to Alastor in panic.

“What are we going to do?! That cage can’t hold her for long, can it?!”

Alastor shook his head, retaining a wide grin.

“Nope. That should hold her for about 2 minutes, which should be long enough.”

“Long enough for wh-”

Alastor ignored me, turning to Wership.

“Wer! Is the failsafe in place?”

Wer looked at him wide-eyed before nodding vigorously, pulling a small remote with one button from his pocket. Alastor turned back to the building, raising his arms to it as if to praise what was about to happen.

“Then punch it and let’s have some fireworks! Hahaha!”

I watched as Wer literally hit the button, which made an innocuous clicking sound. A moment passed in silent tension before the failsafe started up. A deafening explosion occurred a few stories above us, followed by another above that, then another, and another. Debris and broken glass were blown in every direction from the skyscraper, but luckily (or more likely, thanks to Alastor), nothing came close to us. The building began to collapse straight down, layer upon layer of glass, concrete, and office interns piled on top of the entrance to the secret room. Minutes passed by before the explosions stopped, and after that a few more minutes were spent in a stunned silence before the dust finally cleared to show the results. The entrance was completely and totally buried. A gigantic mountain of rubble lay where the impossibly tall skyscraper had stood, millions of tons of debris acting as a blockade in Rosie’s way. Everything was silent for a few moments before the world resumed its pace. The blaring sound of nearby sirens were fast approaching, and the immortal demons were cheering and patting Alastor on the back, congratulating him for handling the Overlord. Id and I could only stand still in awe. I guess terrorism was now on the long list of things Alastor had done. A honking sound from the street alerted me, and I turned to see Jeremiah standing beside the car, waiting for us. I looked at Alastor, who left his group for a moment to crouch down in front of me. He looked me in the eyes and smiled.

“I hope that was a valuable lesson in tactics, Ego. I must say, those ears of yours were very useful! Many thanks for alerting us of Rosie’s presence.”

I didn’t know what to say, so Alastor continued. Placing one hand on my shoulder, he turned me gently towards the old buggy.

“Now, I need you to head on back to the Hotel while I bring the immortals to another safe hiding place.”

I looked back at Alastor in shock. My face must have revealed my concern at being alone, but Alastor laughed, stood up and patted me on the head.

“Oh, Jeremiah doesn’t bite… anymore. Besides, you have to let everyone know that you’re alright, and that I will be out of town for a few days.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but my mentor waggled a finger at me.

“Ah, no buts! This is an order. Plus, I’m sure Niffty is worried sick.”

Hearing Niffty’s voice shut me up. I walked to the car without saying anything else. Every part of me felt numb as I climbed into the car. Jeremiah closed the door behind me, got into the drivers seat, and we sped away from the scene of the crime.

* * *

Id and I sat in silence while the chauffeur whisked us back to our home. We no longer took back-roads, so we were making much better time, and I could tell where we were more easily. Even though the city blocks looked familiar, nothing felt the same anymore. Every soul down here in Hell was lucky to even be here. Or were they? Was this place even any better than a life in a jar? In a way, all of Hell was just a prison for us. The souls Heaven didn’t want.

I turned to look up towards the front seats. Jeremiah drove with the efficiency of a robot. It was as if he was a part of the road. I frowned and decided to break the silence.

“Um, Jeremiah?”

That same hoarse, croaking voice replied immediately.

“Yes, Master Ego?”

I sighed. I was hardly a master of anything.

:How long have you been working for Alastor?”

The driver made a noise like a cracker being crushed, which I realized was a laugh before he continued.

“Oh, I’ve been the Sir’s chauffeur for a long, long time.”

I grimaced. Did he even remember? Did it matter?

“Who were you before he employed you?”

A moment passed while Jeremiah seemed to be thinking, trying to remember a time before the road.

“Hmmm… I think I was down here for vehicular manslaughter. Sir Alastor saw my driving skills and employed me within a week of coming to Hell.”

We pulled up to the hotel entrance as he finished his reply. He got out and opened the door for me. I got out and took a few steps before turning back to the car. Jeremiah was getting back into the driver’s seat, his body creaking as he did. I frowned, feeling suddenly sorry for the shell of a man. 

“Hey, Jeremiah?”

He stopped, looking back at me with a curious expression.

“Yes, Master Ego?”

I swallowed hard.

“Are you happy working for Alastor?”

Jeremiah chuckled slightly, a sad noise like a dying frog. He looked back at me with a strange sadness in his eyes.

“I told you earlier, young Master. I cannot complain.”

I stood there as the realization hit me. He physically could not complain. I watched as the pained soul got back into his buggy, he honked the horn at me in salutations, then drove back into that damnable portal.

* * *

I paused at the front door, trying to compose myself. Nothing felt real anymore. Hopelessness seemed to be all that was left here, but I had to put on a happy face. Niffty was still here. Baxter was still here. I couldn’t let them know something was eating away at me. So I took a few deep breaths, steeled my nerves and opened the door.

Almost immediately Niffty came rushing at my like a bullet train, wrapping me in one of her unforgettable hugs. She began rambling, as always.

“Oh my gosh, I missed you all day Ego! Husk brought me some food from you, which was super duper nice! Thank you so much! Husk told me Alastor took you to a meeting! That’s so exciting! I’ve always wanted to go to a meeting with Al. Do you think he’ll take me too sometime?”

I felt tears welling in my eyes. Niffty had no idea. She didn’t know she was just a pawn in a game that we had no say in. Trying to remain calm, I hugged her back tightly, which made her squee with happiness.

“Haha, I missed you too, Niffty. M-maybe Alastor will take you to a meeting someday, yeah.”

Niffty pulled back from the hug and immediately grabbed my hand firmly. She walked me towards the dining hall as she spoke quickly.

“You have really good timing, dinner is about to be served! I made that pasta dish you like, the one with the little shell-shaped noodles! You and Alastor are right on… hey, where is Al?”

I smiled at Niffty as best I could, trying not to life to her face.

“O-oh, Alastor sent me back alone. He’s going to be out of town for a few days for… business stuff.”

Niffty pouted, but I quickly continued to cheer her up.

“Hey, it’s his loss, right? I wouldn’t miss your cooking if Hell was freezing over, Niffty.”

Her eye lit up and her grin quickly returned. She tried to lead me to the dining hall again, but I stayed put.

“Uh, I need to use the restroom. No bathroom breaks at the meeting, hah. I’ll see you at the table, okay?”

Niffty reluctantly let go of my hand, nodding happily.

“Okie dokie! I won’t let it get cold. See you soon!”

She then half-skipped, half-ran into the dining hall. I sighed, the emotions rushing to the surface. I slinked over to the lobby couch and sat down, exhausted in every sense of the word. 

While I was staring at the floor blankly, trying to recharge myself before going to have dinner, I heard Vaggie’s voice in front of me.

“Hey…”

I looked up at her wearily. Her expression was softer than usual, and she had a comforting smile on.

“Alastor showed you some things you didn’t want to see, didn’t he?”

I couldn’t even answer her. She plopped down next to me, sighing that same exhausted sigh before continuing.

“It’s going to be tiring, Ego. Keeping up that mask for the people you love. Eventually you’ll forget where the mask stops and you begin…”

I just sat there. I could feel myself drifting away from emotions entirely.

“...That’s why you need a reminder.”

I glanced over at her. She had taken off her glove, revealing that she had a shining gold ring on her ring finger. She reached down and flipped a small latch on it, and the face popped open, revealing a small picture of two demons. They stood next to each other, very close, and were embracing each other. They both looked so happy. Vaggie continued.

“I have this photo from when Charlie and I first started dating. She was so happy then. That’s what keeps me grounded…”

She closed the ring again gently, hiding herself once more.

“I need to remember why I wear a mask. So that they don’t have to. Now, come on-”

She grabbed my arm and gently lifted me off the couch. I looked up to her, a glimmer of hope still alight inside me. Vaggie smiled at me genuinely.

“Niffty hates when people are late, and that bathroom excuse doesn’t last so long. Trust me.”

* * *

Hours later, after a happy dinner with people I would do anything for, I went to my room to sleep early. Upon entering my room I glanced upwards towards the crystal chandelier. I needed a grounding point. I needed something real. As if automatically, I walked over to my desk and opened the left drawer. Inside was the letter Niffty had written to me on my first full day at the hotel. Tears filled my eyes as I lowered my hand down to it shakily. Grabbing it, I pressed it against my chest and fell to my knees, sobbing. She was real. She didn’t know the truth. She could still be happy. 

Niffty became my anchor in a sea of doubt. 


	7. Blossoming Love

I remember crying myself to sleep that first night after I had med the Immortal Demons. I had considered bringing Niffty’s letter to sleep with me, to comfort my worried mind, but decided to leave it in the drawer until I could get it laminated the next morning. Id seemed just as exhausted, as we both drifted off to sleep with some anxiety.

The dream I had that night was a familiar one, but was still confusing. I was back in the storm-shadowed hallway, the eerie door staring at me from the end of the path. Once again I walked towards it, making no noise, not entirely in control of my body. Once again I reached towards the doorknob, seeing my human hand. Once again, the door began to open towards me… but promptly stopped as a voice from in the room spoke out. With the door slightly ajar I could hear them much clearer. A man’s voice, with a serious tone to compliment its emotionless inflection.

“If you attempt to leave this chamber, we will have no choice but to kill you.”

Everything was silent for a moment apart from the pitter-patter of rain on the windows. Slowly the door closed again, and the voices became muffled snippets once more.

“...but my wife is…”

“...the pact… she knew this would…”

Sobbing could be heard, along with the wail of an infant. This was all suddenly overshadowed by the chanting of about 5 people. Nothing they said made sense to me, and as I listened in that dream my mind began to feel clouded. Faster and faster they chanted, and the red light seeping from beneath the door began to become brighter and brighter. Just as it reached a fever pitch, I heard the sounds of metal on leather, followed by a loud scream and liquid hitting the floor.

* * *

I woke up screaming, my body drenched in cold sweat. I looked around my room in a sheer panic, but I had no idea what I was searching for. A weapon? A way out? Safety? Eventually my nerves calmed down and I took in things more reasonably. It was before dawn, possibly the middle of the night for all I knew. I sat there in the darkness for a few minutes, listening to the sound of distant cars, the air conditioning of the hotel, and my own shaky breathing. Glancing over at Id, I could see he was still sleeping. That actually comforted me slightly; the world could be ending and Id would sleep through it. I wanted to talk to him, if only to ask if he knew anything about my dream, but decided to let it go. Besides, my odds of waking him up before dawn were slim at best.

Instead I got out of bed and got dressed. Might as well get an early start, even if Id would disagree. I glanced down at him as I got dressed, wondering if he could feel me moving as he slept. When we swapped places I just floated along wherever my body went. No sensations at all, just a cool numbness. I almost felt bad for him at that moment: an existence without feeling, most of your senses gone. No wonder he wanted to use our body so often. Then I slapped myself out of it, remembering that the only thing Id wanted to feel was pain, both on him and from him.

I walked out into the silent hallway, thankful that my screaming didn’t seem to have woken up any of the guests. Moving to the main elevator I wondered if I should go talk to Baxter. His sleep schedule was unpredictable at best, so there was a chance he was awake at this hour. I shrugged and decided to head down to the staff lounge for some coffee. I could always see Baxter later, and if he wanted to run some experiments on me or whatever I would have preferred to be caffeinated. I pressed the button for the lobby and the elevator trundled downwards. Cheesy jazz music played from the speakers above, no doubt Alastor’s choice. At first I found it utterly unbearable, but eventually I came to almost enjoy it. Almost.

As expected, the lobby was empty. I noticed that it was more silent than usual, as even Husk’s snoring didn’t ring out into the night. Entering the staff lounge, I found out why. The feline demon was sitting at the table, a mug of coffee in one hand with a flask of whiskey next to him. He was staring into space, his usual grimace on his face. He glanced in my direction as I entered, and I could only try to smile back. Truth be told, even though I had been at the hotel for a few months, Husk and I had never actually spoken for more than a couple of minutes, and then only a few words. I pondered this as I went to get some coffee, having to cross his gaze as I did so. Did he resent me for having to carry bags during my recovery? Was he like this with everyone? I finished pouring my coffee and turned around to see him staring at me. I felt like prey being stalked by a lion. All I managed to do was stand there, staring back at him. After what felt like an eternity he sighed and gestured to the chair across from him.

“Sit. We need to have a chat.”

This took me by surprise, but I promptly obeyed, not wanting to anger him. I sat down across from him. Even at this distance the smell of alcohol was strong on him, and I wondered when he was last sober. He just looked at me again and I glanced down at my coffee before looking back at him, trying to feign confidence.

“So, uh… what do you want to talk-”

“Be careful.”

I raised my eyebrows but didn’t speak back as he continued, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve this, honestly. First that son of a bitch forces me to work here, now I have to worry about a fuckin’ busboy.”

I frowned and tried to reassure Husk.

“I’m not going to mess up anything, I promise. You don’t have to worry about that.”

He looked back at me, a sort of sad ferocity in his eyes.

“No, you dumbass, I mean I have to worry _for_ you!”

I shut my mouth as he continued with an almost scolding tone.

“Let me be honest: I don’t give a shit about you, or this hotel, or any of this crap. I’m here because Al has me under his thumb… but more than that…”

He sighed, paused, and reached over to pour more whiskey into his coffee before continuing.

“Look, Niffty likes you. No, Niffty loves you, as strange an idea to me as that is.”

I blushed but remained silent. Husk’s face changed from his usual angry grimace to a look of exhaustion. He stared into his coffee as he spoke, a forlorn tone in his voice.

“Even though that brat is older than I am, she’s always been like a little sis to me. Even when all the shit is hitting the fan, she still has a smile on her face… heh.”

He took a long drink from his mug before looking back at me.

“I saw how you acted to that spider slut. I’m telling you right here, right now, that if you treat Niffty that way… well, not even that shadow puppet you carry around will protect you from me.”

I stared back at Husk, my initial fear subsiding to a feeling of defiant confidence. I spoke back to him with an unwavering voice.

“I don’t need to convince you that I love her. I don’t need to tell you that she means everything to me, or that I would do anything to make her happy. I just know that it's true.”

We stared at each other for a few moments, the air thick with tension eventually he spoke again.

“Would you leave the hotel if it would make her happy?”

“Yes.” I responded without hesitation. “Yes, I would. If it would be better for her that I leave and go back to living in a pile of garbage, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

He stared some more before sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose again.

“Sometimes I miss being as naive as you are, kid. Listen, I knew before talking to you that you two cared about each other. I could tell just from looking at you that you meant it. Niffty talks about you constantly.”

I smiled a bit but wiped it away before he could notice. He moved his hand and looked back at me with something bordering on despair.

“Alastor shouldn’t have brought you here, Ego. He never should have brought Niffty here either. You’re both too good for what he does…”

He paused, sighed again and stood up, placing the flask into his pocket before picking up his mug.

“At least now I know that you’d pick her over him, if you had to.”

He walked towards the door and opened it, but stopped before walking out. He spoke again without turning around to me.

“Don’t do the same shit I did, Ego. He’s the reason I drink.”

With that he closed the door, leaving me sitting alone at the table. I stared back down into my coffee and frowned. Hopefully my mentor wouldn’t drive me to drinking as well.

* * *

A few days passed somewhat uneventfully. Niffty and I spent a lot more time together. She told me about herself in her usual face-paced fashion. She loved to write fanfiction, and would read me snippets of her work for my approval. Of course, I didn’t know a lot of the source material, but I loved hearing her talk and it made her happy, so I was more than willing to listen. Niffty also started teaching me a bit of Japanese, which I was terrible at. Hearing me mispronounce simple words made her laugh, which was worth my embarrassment. I often felt like I didn’t have much to offer in return when we spent time together. One of the things I eventually found for us to do together was tinkering with stuff left around the hotel. Niffty wanted to throw away anything not of use, but I showed her that not all junk was useless. We would make little contraptions out of things, like a spyglass out of a cardboard tube and some broken glasses. None of it felt very special to me, but her face lit up every time a contraption ended up working. 

About three days into Alastor’s absence, things were still going well. Everyone had just finished dinner and people were heading to bed. Niffty and I rode up the elevator to my room, her hand firmly grasping mine. We stood close to one another as we walked to my room. Before I went inside I turned back to her. She smiled her big, beautiful smile. I closed the door and stepped back into the hall. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, confused. I reached out and put my hand on her cheek, making her blush about as much as I probably was. I tried to stutter out a sentence.

“W-well… I, uh… Would you mind if I, uh... k-k-kissed you?”

I looked down at the floor, expecting her to either reject me or be just as nervous. Instead she quickly reached up, placed both hands on the back of my head and pulled be towards her into a full-blown make out. Her lips locked with mine, her body pressing against mine to be as close as possible. My eyes were wide open in surprise, but her eye was closed, a look of bliss on her face. Eventually I closed my eyes and kissed her back, savoring the moment as much as I could. Finally we pulled away from each other to arms-length, both out of breath but grinning like mad. I spoke to the demon I loved more than anything.

“Um, sorry if I wasn’t that good…”

She laughed and gave me a sultry look.

“Oh, don’t worry. Practice makes perfect.”

She kissed me on the cheek again before skipping off down the hallway, waving back at me. I returned the wave and went into my room. Placing my back against the door I breathed out heavily, speaking to myself.

“Wow… that was… wow.”

Id snorted at me.

“Ah, the cyclops and the beast. A tale as old as time, truly.”

I barely heard him as I jumped into bed, as happy as I had ever been.


	8. Touched By An Angel, Pt. 1

Just one day before Alastor was supposed to return to the hotel, Charlie suddenly called all the staff members to the hotel lobby for what she called "super-duper mega exciting news". At around noon, everyone was gathered around the demonic princess. Niffty stood on my left, holding my hand firmly, and to my right was Baxter, who smelled a bit of gunpowder for reasons I dread to consider. Next to Baxter was Husk, who occasionally took swigs of alcohol while staring blankly ahead. Angel Dust was next to him, occasionally casting angry glances my way. We had barely spoken since the failed outing, but frankly I preferred it that way. I was pretty sick of hearing that I wasn't worth anything. Vaggie waited anxiously to Charlie's side, fidgeting uncomfortably. In stark contrast, her partner had a bright grin on her face, and close to exploding with excitement. Finally, a demon I was mostly unfamiliar with was on Charlie's other side. They were an avian demon, strongly resembling an owl. She was dressed in all white clothing, almost resembling a nun's cowl. She clutched a genuine Bible close to her chest, and a cross necklace hung around her neck. I remembered carrying bags for her ages ago; she had been one of the hotel's first patrons. Her name was Madeline, I believe.

Eventually everyone settled down, with Husk speaking out on behalf of the group.

"So, what the fuck is this all about?"

Charlie didn't even flinch. We were all used to Husk's language by now. Instead she excitedly put her arms around Medline and beamed at us.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the Hazbin Hotel, I am proud to present to you our first graduate!"

Madeline blushed and smiled softly, clutching her Bible closer. Charlie continued in her student's silence.

"Madeline has become 100% redeemed! She's sworn off all sins, including cussing! She prays hourly and is a devout Christian!"

I'm not sure what Charlie expected us to reply with. If she was expecting roaring applause, she was met with more of a stunned silence. I couldn't tell what the others were thinking, but as I stared at Madeline I could tell she believed in her new fanaticism. From what I recalled, she was homeless when she came to the hotel. Came to Hell due to drug addiction, and was homeless on Earth too. I frowned. Was this what people had to go through to get to the so-called 'promised land'? Two lifetimes of pain and suffering? Angel spoke up.

"So, uh, what happens now? Didn't think anyone would get this far, honestly."

Charlie's smile wavered slightly at the snide comment and lack of appreciation from her audience. Vaggie let out a shaky sigh and closed her eyes tightly before speaking to the group, as if she was expecting a punch to the gut.

"Well… a representative from Heaven is going to be coming by within the hour to assess the situation…"

There were about 3 seconds of absolute silence before all Hell broke loose, no pun intended. Niffty screamed and whipped around towards me, pulling me into a terrified hug. I hugged her back, staring at Charlie with disbelief. Baxter similarly screamed and hugged me from the back, which probably would have annoyed Niffty had she not been so afraid. Angel Dust attempted to hug Husk, but Husk was too busy drinking every last bottle of whiskey he had hidden on his body, dropping the empty flasks in a large pile at his feet. Charlie comforted Madeline, who was nervously crossing herself over and over. Vaggie tried to calm down the crowd a few times, rapidly pulling at her hair before eventually cutting through the panic with a few shouts.

"Hey! Everyone be quiet!"

Niffty and Baxter stopped screaming but refused to let go of me or open their eyes. Husk responded with a fury in his voice that trounced anything I had heard from him before. He waltzed up to Vaggie and stood an inch away from her face.

"Be quiet? You want us to fucking be quiet?! You and your idiot girlfriend invited a fucking angel to the hotel! We're all going to fucking die!"

Baxter and Niffty squeezed me tighter, both whimpering slightly and nearly crushing me to death before any angel had the chance. Charlie spoke up to try and reassure everyone.

"Okay, now, I know everyone is nervous about an angel coming here-"

Angel Dust audibly scoffed, but there was a fear in his sassiness.

"-but this isn't going to be an Exterminator! I spoke over the phone with the phone an important angel named Jude, and he's sending one of his workers here to make sure Madeline is ready for Heaven. Look, guys…"

Charlie sighed, pulling away from Madeline and walking into the middle of the group. Everyone stared at her, some with anger, some with disbelief, all with some level of fear.

"If this hotel is going to work, we need to all get used to trusting angels more. Without Heaven's support, there's no point in any of this."

I wheezed out a sentence, still holding Niffty tightly.

"Charlie… exactly how much time do we have until the angel gets here?"

Charlie smiled nervously at me.

"Uh… 45 minutes."

Before everyone could freak out once more Vaggie stepped in, a stern look on her face as she addressed the staff.

"Which is why we need to stop panicking and start acting. Everyone here needs to be on their best behavior, and this place needs to be pristine. Niffty."

Niffty pulled back from me slightly, looking over at Vaggie with a teary-eyed frown. She sniffled as my heart broke seeing her this upset. Vaggie continued.

"The angel is going to be interviewing Madeline in the Staff Lounge, which means we need the lobby and lounge to be utterly spotless. Can you do that for us?"

Niffty sniffled, nodded her head slowly and turned back to me. She kissed me on the mouth quickly before rushing off to get her cleaning supplies. Baxter still clung to my back, but I didn't have the heart to tell him to stop. Vaggie turned to Angel Dust and Husk with fire in her eyes.

"You two. So fucking help me, if I hear one sex joke or see a single drop of alcohol, you're going to _wish_ you were dealing with an Exterminator."

I could tell they both wanted to respond, but knew better and instead nodded in silence. Finally the moth demon turned to Baxter, Id and me. She snapped her fingers to get Baxter's attention.

"Baxter. Eyes up here."

Baxter popped open his eyes and looked at Vaggie nervously.

"I want you to make sure every piece of technology the angel could even possibly see is functioning perfectly. The temperature should be _exactly_ 65 degrees Fahrenheit, do I make myself clear?"

Baxter nodded rapidly before dashing off to the service elevator to work on the furnace. That just left me. Vaggie stared at me intently, and I returned her gaze.

"Ego, you are going to be the doorman, and also wait outside the lounge with Razzle and Dazzle as security."

I glanced over to the two goat demons that served as Charlie's protectors. They waved at me happily as if nothing was wrong. I had never spoken to them much, and in fact was unsure if they could even speak. I had heard that they could be quite fierce if they needed to be, and hoped I wouldn't have to witness them when they were angry. I looked back at Vaggie as she continued, staring down at the shadow beneath me.

"Id…"

The dark demon raised an eyebrow, which made Vaggie glare at him harder.

"Don't. Fucking. Say. Anything."

Id shrugged, then made the motion of zipping his lips and throwing away the key. He had a smug look on his face, but I spoke to him as well.

"Id, I swear to Satan, if you mess up anything today you will never, ever feel anything ever again."

Id stared up at me before rolling his eyes and pouting. Convinced he wouldn't mess up anything, I went to tidy my outfit for the special guest.

* * *

Less than an hour later I was standing outside the front door, arms crossed behind my back as I waited for the heavenly visitor. It was oddly quiet out on the street for this time of day, and I couldn't help but wonder if Charlie had used her royal name to get people to clear off for a while. Although it was equally likely that demons had heard there was going to be an actual angel in town and knew better than to hang around outside. It occured to me that I had never actually seen an angel in person. Sure, I saw pictures of them in books and on TV here in Hell, warning about their atrocities during the annual cleansings. I had heard about their emotionless mechanical bodies, and the precision with which they killed demons. I wondered if it would be harder to fight an Exterminator or an Overlord.

Before I could continue this thought process I heard a strange noise from above. Straining my ears, I swore it sounded like an avian demon, or possibly a bat. The flapping of wings grew closer, and as I scanned the sky I saw the source. Coming from the direction of Heaven I saw a large immaculate carriage being pulled by two winged horses. Their strong wings blew away the sulfurous clouds as they carried the fairytale-like carriage down towards the hotel. As the vehicle grew ever closer, I was astounded by its beauty. The horses glimmered with a holy light, their blonde manes billowing with an unfelt wind. The carriage pulled up to the front of the hotel, allowing me to examine the chariot in more detail. Every inch of its frame was carved into religious symbols, clearly done by a master carpenter. The horses whinny and as I glanced towards the driver, my heart skipped a beat. There, with the reins in its hands, was a genuine angel. For all I knew of angelic culture, they were an Exterminator. Their brushed steel bodies reflected any light that struck it at odd, unnatural angles. Jagged metallic wings protruded from their back, and a jagged white halo floated above two curved horns. I stared in shock for a moment or two before they turned to me. I will never forget their face, if it even was their face and not a mask. It resembled a hazy LED screen, which flickered and buzzed with an eerie lack of anything I would deem Heavenly. Pink lights made up two eyes, one a simple circle, the other a large X. And the smile. A simple crescent, with visible flat teeth. I was used to cruel smiles here in Hell. Jagged teeth and wicked grins were nothing usual. But that smile had no mirth, not even a joy at my expense. That smile conveyed no joy, or sadness, or anger. Their face was a caricature of happiness. Their face was a void. Suddenly the angelic driver nodded slightly towards the carriage door, which knocked some sense into me. I quickly rushed to the vehicle and reached up to open the door for the guest of honor. Even though my hands were clean, I felt unworthy to touch the handle. I forced myself forward and pulled the door open.

A bright light flooded out of the chariot, and I was forced to look towards the ground. I glanced down with squinted eyes and was surprised to see Id writhing in pain. Anywhere the bright light touched him seemed to burn him, and he had to clasp both hands over his mouth to avoid screaming. He dashed behind me for some safety and the light gradually dimmed. Looking into the cab hesitantly, I nearly fainted. Sitting inside was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She appeared almost like a human, but was much paler than any living human I had ever seen. Her hair was blonde, but it shimmered like liquid gold as if draped loosely over her shoulders. She was wearing an elaborate light-pink gown, with several small white gems embedded into it to give it the impression of a moving cloud. She was reading a book that I realized had to be the Bible, since it looked exactly like a more elegant version of the tome Madeline was gently closed the book and placed it on the seat next to her before turning to look at me. Her face was perfect, with no other words coming close to describing it. Perfectly symmetrical, free of any blemishes, deformities, wrinkles, any error at all. Her eyes were a deep blue color, and she smiled at me with perfectly white teeth. She spoke to me and I nearly blacked out from the sound of her voice. It was like an entire choir in one voice, a whole symphony in every word. Listening to this angel was like being born again into a loving family.

"Hello there. Is this the Hazbin Hotel?"

I couldn't speak. I could barely even move. I managed a small half-nod, and her smile widened.

"Excellent! I am here to meet with a one Charlie Magne about the rehabilitation of a sinner. Are you the doorman?"

Again I nodded, my nerves slightly returning. Still unable to speak I reached out a shaky hand to her to help her out of her carriage. She nodded back and gently took my hand. With all of the beauty she radiated, I expected her hand to feel like a soft wool sweater. But I was wrong. As she touched my hand, I nearly screamed out in pain. It was cold. Maybe it was just life in Hell, but her hand felt like liquid nitrogen being poured onto my fingers. It burned with a searing pain, and I realized this must have been what Id had felt. As her fingers gripped mine gently with the pain of an ice pick, I helped her down off of her seat. She seemed to float ever so slightly above the ground. She turned back to the driver and smiled at the holy automaton.

"Stay right here, would you Ezekiel? This shouldn't take long."

The robotic angel nodded and calmed the pegasi. I looked back up at the guest in a sort of awe. I tried to connect the two angels here. How could this woman be related to that emotionless void at the front of the chariot. She smiled down at me.

"So, you're Ego, correct?"

My eyes widened, wondering how she knew my name before I remembered that I was wearing a name-tag. Suddenly her attention focused on the ground next to me. For a brief moment, an almost imperceptible amount of time, her expression changed. Her smile was replaced with a grimace, and the look in her eyes shifted to something I can only describe as a loathsome hunger. Just as quickly as it came, this new expression vanished and her happy demeanor returned. She pointed daintily at the ground, and I looked down to see Id peeking out from behind me, a look of utter horror on his face.

"So… who is your friend here, Ego?"

I looked back at her, sharing Id's intense fear. This angel was more like the robot at the front of the carriage than I first thought. Behind her beauty and grace, this woman was the same. She was a hungry void. I debated on telling her Id's name, but I knew that I had to treat this holy monster with honor, and somehow managed to find my voice again.

"This… this is Id."

She smiled brightly again.

"Ego and Id. It is a pleasure to meet you both."

She reached out her hand to me again, and I took it out of obligation. As the horrible icy pain shot up my arm, tears welling in my eyes, I looked up at the smiling angel with a plea that would go unnoticed and un-cared for.

"My name is Edith."


	9. Touched By An Angel, Pt. 2

Edith began walking towards the front door at a somewhat brisk pace. I quickly looked down to my hand and grimaced in pain. Where the angel had touched me, a white outline of a hand was imprinted. It seemed to throb with a dull energy, and with each pulse a shot of pain ran up my arm. My body seemed to be trying to heal itself, pushing back again this strange mark, but seemed slower than usual compared to my body's strange healing ability. I knew I had to go open the door for Edith, but I suddenly had a bizarre idea. Glancing rapidly to both angels to make sure they weren't watching, I took out the B.L.A.D.E. and haphazardly cut off as much of the mark as I could. Clenching my teeth from the new pain, I sliced off the white flesh as the blood began to seep out. As quickly as I could I grabbed my tainted skin, ripped it off and shoved it into my left pocket before taking the gloves out of my right one. Thank Satan they were black; I made a mental note to thank Niffty profusely for her fashion choices as I slipped them onto my hands to stop the bleeding and not alert the beautiful angel. I rushed to catch up to Edith, making a second mental note to give that strange flesh to Baxter. Something told me it was important.

I still managed to get to the door before Edith and quickly opened it for her, trying to seem as normal as possible. She gave me another of her sinister, perfect smiles as she entered the Hazbin Hotel. I glanced inside to see the rest of the staff standing there, minus Baxter, who was likely keeping things running in the basement. Everyone was dressed better than I had ever seen them, with the exception of Niffty, who always looked good to me. I had never seen Angel Dust show as little fur as he was at that moment, and I could tell he felt like he was being choked. Husk kept instinctively moving his hand to his flask pocket, realized that there was nothing there, then awkwardly putting his hand to his side. Vaggie looked like a deer in headlights, and was standing perfectly still with a fake expression of happiness on her face. The only demons that seemed genuinely happy to see Edith were Charlie and Madeline, although I suspected they had different reasons. The reformed avian was clutching her cross tightly and staring at Edith with an expression of pure awe. On the other hand, Charlie was giving her usual enthusiastic welcoming routine.

"Thank you so much for coming to visit the hotel, Miss…"

Edith chuckled, which sounded like wind chimes on a calm spring night. She reached out her hand to Charlie, smiling.

"Edith, dear. You're Charlie Magne I presume?"

I panicked upon seeing the angel reach out her hand. I stared at the staff members hastily, trying to catch someone's gaze. Luckily Vaggie seemed to have been snapped out of her stupor by Edith's voice, and as we locked eyes I frantically shook my head and pointed to my hand, desperately trying to prevent Charlie from touching Edith. Luckily Vaggie seemed to understand my plea and stepped in moment before they touched. The moth placed a hand on Charlie's wrist, lowering her outstretched palm and speaking in a panicked yet forceful tone.

"Oh, hahaha! Silly Charlie, you're sick, _remember_? You shouldn't be shaking hands with an angel with that cold, _right_?"

Charlie looked at her with a moment of confusion before seeming to get the hint, even if she didn't understand why. The princess turned back to Edith with a much faker smile.

"Oh, uh, whoops! I forgot, haha!"

She faked a cough poorly for a moment, but Edith slowly lowered her hand. She casually glanced back at me, and for a split moment I felt that intense hatred in her gaze, this time directed right at me. I'm not afraid to admit that I nearly pissed myself out of fear. She knew I had told them not to touch her, and she was angry about it, no doubt in my mind. She just as casually looked back at the group, letting my nerves calm ever so slightly. Edith laughed louder, like pearls cascading down a beautiful stairway.

"Well, I appreciate your friend for saving me a trip to the doctor, Ms. Magne! Now, as much as I would love to get to know all of you…"

She looked at each demon briefly, and they all seemed to feel the same hopeless terror I had. When she looked down at Niffty, I could see my love almost cried on the spot. Seeing that, my fear rapidly turned to fury. I looked back at Edith and grit my teeth, promising myself that if she so much as grazed by Niffty I would sick Id on her. Suddenly Id's fear-filled voice rang out in my head.

"Dude, fuck no! I don't want that thing even looking at me, fuck throwing a punch at it!"

Id's panic actually brought me down to reality slightly. There was nothing I could do, and besides, Edith was just here for the interview about Madeline. She would either leave with the owl demon, or by herself, but she would leave either way.

After the brief greeting Charlie led Madeline and Edith into the staff lobby. As the door gently shut behind them everyone let out a collective sigh. Angel rapidly unbuttoned as much of his clothing as he reasonably could while Husk dashed over to the bar. Vaggie paced back and forth in an anxious silence. However, I barely noticed any of that. As soon as Edith was gone Niffty and I rushed into each other's arms. She began to sob loudly into my shoulder, and I held her tightly, rubbing the back of her head to comfort her. I wasn't sure how convincing I could be, since fear-drawn tears were also spilling from my eyes. A few minutes passed in a mixture of relief and grief before Vaggie spoke up again.

"Ego…"

I looked over towards her. She looked as weary as I had ever seen her. In a matter of seconds she seemed to have aged 40 years, with bags under her eyes from stress and her silver hair appearing more gray than usual. She sighed and looked at me with a pleading expression.

"Ego, we need you to… to guard the lobby door."

Husk cut in, speaking in between gulps of any liquor he could find.

"Why does he need to guard shit? No demon in their right mind would go near that thing."

Vaggie looked like she wanted to retort, but instead just sighed again and looked at the floor.

"I know. Trust me, I know. Just by looking at her I can tell she's worse than any Exterminator I have seen. But we still need to keep this act up until the interview is over, and that means treating her like a VIP."

I frowned as Niffty clung to me tighter. I looked down at my precious reason, then back to Vaggie. I could see in her eyes that she didn't want to take me from Niffty's side. She knew as well as I did that Niffy was to me what Charlie was to her. Of course, I also knew that Vaggie was doing everything in her power to keep her anchor's dream afloat as well. I frowned and whispered into Niffty's ear.

"I have to go, sweetheart…"

She squeezed me tighter and shook her head onto my shoulder. Seeing her like this broke my heart, but I tried to be strong, even as the tears kept flowing.

"Niffty… I'm just going to stand outside the door, okay? It should only be about ten minutes, that's all."

Niffty sobbed once again as I continued.  
"I promise nothing will happen to me. After all this we can stay together for the rest of the day, as long as you want to. Okay?"

She sniffled and pulled away from me. Her eye was red and tears ran over her red-dotted cheeks. I nearly broke down seeing her face, but I reached out and wiped away her tears, trying to smile.

"I love you so much, Niffty. You know that, right?"

Niffty sobbed again before nodding, too upset to speak. We both leaned forward for a small kiss before I reluctantly left her side. Everyone else seemed on the verge of tears as well, even Angel Dust. I didn't turn back to them as Vaggie ordered everyone back to their positions. Once everyone but Vaggie had left, I turned around, standing next to the door frame. Vaggie and I looked at each other like two war veterans. She smiled slightly at me.

"Sucks being the strong one, huh?"

I didn't reply, just nodded. She sighed again, her smile fading back to a slight frown.

"Thank you for warning me about the handshake, Ego. I mean it."

Another nod.

"I'm… I'm sorry. Like you said, it shouldn't be that bad, right? Just standing there for a few minutes?"

No nod from me. Vaggie opened her mouth to try and say something else, but eventually just left the room like all the others.

* * *

I'm sure to an outsider the whole thing seemed somewhat silly. Standing outside the door to the staff lounge shouldn't be a huge issue. Edith herself said that it wouldn't take that long, probably 15 minutes tops. Yet, as I stood there, I felt that piece of white flesh in my pocket still beating away, some holy energy consuming the piece of my body I had cut away. I dreaded to think what might have happened if I hadn't acted quickly. This wasn't just standing outside the staff lobby. This was standing inches away from the dragon's den.

Despite my better judgement, I couldn't help but slightly eavesdrop. I heard Charlie and Edith chatting, and occasionally Madeline answering a question or two. The poor owl demon sounded on the verge of either an anxious breakdown or breaking out into an ecstacy-driven song. Edith asked things like why Heaven should take her in, to which Madeline replied with some passages from the Bible about God taking in the helpless or something. Edith made a surprised noise, then asked if Madeline could recite any other Bible passages. This resulted in Madeline rapidly and flawlessly reciting lines like a fax machine. Eventually Charlie stopped her, stating how proud she was of Madeline's progress in such a short amount of time. Edith was silent, and I assume she was nodding and giving one of her heinously perfect smiles. I couldn't hear the two small goat demons, Razzle and Dazzle, from inside the room, but I assumed they were on-guard beside Charlie. I wondered if they felt the same sort of fear I did out here. Sure, there were two of them, and they had been assigned to guarding Charlie by the king of Hell himself, but they were still in the room with an actual angel. For their sake I hoped she didn't know Lucifer had given them to Charlie personally.

As I stood outside the door, listening to muffled voices, I had a sort of strange sense of deja-vu. Thoughts of that recurring hallway dream flooded into my mind. What did it mean? From what I could only guess, some sort of ritual was taking place in the room, but why was I there to hear it from outside? Plus, why was I a human in the dream? As hard as I thought back on my time on Earth, nothing even remotely similar came back to my mind. I glanced down at Id, who seemed to be nervously counting the floor tiles. I got the feeling he knew what I was thinking about but was intentionally avoiding talking about it with me. I sighed and looked back at the clock across from the lobby. I figured if he did know something, now was certainly not the time to pressure him about it. We had enough to worry about at the moment.

* * *

I watched the hands on the clock tick by. 9 minutes. 10 minutes. 11 minutes. A weird combination of boredom and fear took over me as I stood outside. After about 13 minutes the doorknob turned, stirring me from my state and replacing all the boredom with fear once more. Out stepped Edith, followed by Madeline, then Charlie and her two guards. The demons looked exhausted with the angel stood triumphantly, but all seemed to have a sort of relieved smile on their faces. Vaggie rushed out from a side room without having to be called; she was almost certainly watching the door, which I couldn't blame her for. Moving quickly over to Charlie, she asked the obvious question.

"So? Is Madeline being accepted?"

Edith spoke for the group, a sickening joy in her voice.

"Oh, absolutely! With someone as devoted and reformed as Miss Madeline here, Heaven certainly has a place for her."

Charlie beamed at Vaggie and they both hugged. Edith smiled down at me before moving towards the door to go make preparations in the carriage. I started to follow her to open the door, but paused to look at Madeline's face. Something was different about her from when she had entered the room. She looked as happy as could be, her Bible firmly in her hand. She looked at me with a big grin on her face, and I tried to return it as best I could. Something was off about her face now, something I just couldn't place. As I once again rushed to open the door for the angel and Heaven's new guest, I couldn't help but ponder what was different. Edith and Madeline passed by me as I held the door for them. As Madeline walked by I noticed that she had a white handprint on her shoulder. I shuddered, wondering if she was in pain. Maybe reformed demons didn't get hurt by touching angels? I clung to that hope as I moved forward to open the carriage door once more. Edith got in first, and Madeline sat near the door. She opened the wooden window and waved at Charlie, Vaggie and I as the horses began their flight. We all waved back, shouting well-wishes to the reformed demon as they left. However, as I stared at the carriage driver and Madeline, I realized what I had noticed. A chill ran down my spine and I nearly black out from the realization.

It was her eye. Madeline's eye on the same side as the shoulder Edith had touched. As she looked down at us, I saw that her eye no longer had a pupil, or an iris, or any sort of features at all. It was a pure shade of white, and as I looked at the driver and back to Madeline I felt bile rise in my throat. Their faces were the same: a blank void.

* * *

Charlie, Vaggie and I walked back into the hotel with varying levels of excitement. Charlie spoke rapidly to Vaggie, telling her how much of a success today had been, while Vaggie nodded weakly and spoke occasionally words of agreement. Meanwhile I felt about ready to fall into a coma. Physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, every bone in my body ached just to be laid into a soft grave and beghin decaying. The rest of the staff appeared out of various rooms, including the elevator as Baxter actually entered the lobby. In contrast to everyone's immaculate attire, my fishy friend was covered in grime and soot, no doubt from fiddling with furnaces and machines all day. Niffty came over to me and hugged me, then realized how tired I was before backing off slightly and settling on supporting me with her arm. Everyone looked tired in some way or another. Angel suggested we all go out to eat, which everyone but Baxter agreed with. Angel Dust led the group out the front door, talking about some great Italian restaurant he knew about. Soon just Niffty, Baxter and I were in the lobby. Niffty looked at me with a concerned expression.

"Are you okay to go out, Ego? We could always stay here and I could make us some dinner."

I smiled at her and kissed her on the cheek, making her blush with joy.

"Nonsense, you look just as tired as I do. How about you go save us seats in the limo while I go make myself look presentable in the restroom?"

She was reluctant to leave my side, but eventually nodded rapidly, kissed me back and rushed outside. I turned to Baxter, who let out a sigh of relief.

"Well, I for one am glad I was able to stay in the cozy basement for the entire ordeal! I'll take re-jigging a thermo-coupler to a pressure valve any day to meeting an angel! How was it, Ego?"

I smiled weakly and sighed.

"Well, I've had better experiences."

We laughed briefly before my expression faded back to a contemplative sadness.

"Hey, Baxter? Can you take a look at something for me?"

Baxter raised an eyebrow.

"If its an unsightly lump I would suggest a dermatologist."

I couldn't tell if he was joking, so instead just reached into my left pocket and pulled out the flesh. It still pulsed with that same holy energy, at the same rate as before. Even through my protective gloves I could tell it was trying to get to more flesh, as if it were hungry. Baxter's eyes widened as I explained.

"The angel shook my hand and turned my skin into… whatever the fuck this is. Would you examine it for me?"

Almost before I had finished my sentence Baxter what pulled a small set of tongs and a clear plastic bag from somewhere. He spoke quickly as he took the flesh from me and gently placed it into the bag.

"Hah! Would you ask a particle physicist to study the impact of quarks on quantum linking?!"

I correctly assumed this was a rhetorical question as he continued, zipping up the bag and holding it up to the light.

"Fascinating! Your flesh has been infected with some sort of parasitic energy-based matter! I'll know the exact composition after some examination."

He continued rambling to himself as he scurried off towards the service elevator, forgetting I was even standing there. I smiled slightly, glad to see Baxter was still Baxter. I then turned towards the front door and moved outside, dead-set on having a nice dinner with the people I cared about most.


	10. Hybrid Blood, Pt. 1

The next morning was an early start for the hotel staff, myself included. The previous night, while everyone was dining out, Charlie and Niffty came up with the idea to throw Alastor a 'welcome back' party. Vaggie and I shared a knowing look; neither of us thought Alastor deserved a party, or would even care, but we weren't about to go against the people we loved. Husk was likely too drunk on red wine to have even heard them. Angel tried to protest but doubled over in pain before he could say anything, no doubt from Vaggie kicking him in the crotch. Naturally Id made rude comments about the idea, but everyone was used to that by now.

Conflicting emotions rushed through my head as I got dressed for the day. I was actually looking forward to setting up for the party. Niffty always had a way to make decorating more fun than I would normally consider it. Plus I normally got up at absurd hours, either due to nightmares or generally poor sleep habits. As I put on my busboy hat I couldn't help but look at myself in the mirror and frown. Id snickered.

"Anyone ever tell you that you look like a little figurine of a busboy?"

I sighed as he laughed. Truth be told I wasn't really paying any attention to him, or my appearance. My thoughts kept drifting back to the last time I had seen Alastor. People still mentioned the terrorist attack downtown; I mean, this sort of thing was normal in Hell, but usually terrorists come forward to take credit. I still avoided looking at newspaper headlines, and jumped at the sounds of nearby sirens. I briefly wondered where the Immortal Demons had been moved to, but then decided I would rather not know. As I walked out the door and to the service elevator I grimaced. Somehow I knew in my gut that Rosie managed to get out, and that she was just biding her time until she could strike again. I tried to push these negative thoughts out of my head as the elevator trundled down to the lobby.

* * *

Alastor was scheduled to come back at 9:30 sharp, so the staff was on double-time to make the proper preparations. Charlie was in charge of directing us, a position I do not envy. While Niffty and I worked together happily (admittedly I felt like dead weight compared to her speed), the rest of the staff was only marginally helpful. Husk flat-out refused to do anything besides moan in pain, complaining about the hangover he had from last night's drinking. Angel, in all fairness, did decorate a bit, although Vaggie had a bit of a fit when he dumped a tray of penis-shaped ice cubes into the punch. The two got into one of their usual arguments, which culminated in Vaggie throwing a box of Angel's edible underwear out the window. As usual Baxter was nowhere to be seen, and for once I couldn't blame him. Of all the demons in Hell, I expected him to be the least likely to ever attend a party.

A few hours of work later and the party was all set to go. Various snacks were set about on tables, Angel was planning to hold a game of Twister in one corner (a prospect that filled just about everyone with dread), and an old-timey jukebox had been set up to appeal to Alastor's tastes. We had all initially planned to jump out and surprise him, but then collectively reconsidered startling one of Hell's most powerful demons and decided to be out in the open. Everyone waited with excitement and slight anxiety as the grandfather clock chimed that it was 9:30 exactly. As if on queue, Alastor came waltzing in the door at that exact moment. I had feared that maybe he would be angry at us, but the Radio Demon actually had a larger smile on than usual. Upon seeing the party he opened his arms wide and laughed heartily.

"Ahaha! All of this fuss for me! You're all too kind."

Vaggie and I both gave a silent sigh of relief under our breaths. Charlie ran forward to greet Alastor with a large hug and Niffty followed close behind her, a plate stacked with snacks in her arms. I couldn't help but smile as Alastor patted Niffty on the head, just like he did with me so often. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all…

All things considered, the party went fairly well. Several of the hotel guests tried Angel's Twister game, which was quickly revealed to be modified to involve putting other body parts in various places. Niffty rushed around refilling cups and plates; had I not known better I would have worried about her getting exhausted, but her genuine smile persuaded me. I spent a lot of time mingling with the hotel patrons. It surprised me how effective Charlie's methods seemed to be on the demons here, ever at a passing glance. Very few of the guest's glasses had alcohol in them, and a few even wore bits of religious jewelry. Soon the memory of Madeline's eye came back to me, and I excused myself to go sit down on the couch. I plopped down and sighed with content. Looking around the room, things seemed good for once. Charlie and Vaggie danced to a snazzy song on the jukebox while Angel pestered Husk about sex. I felt someone sit next to me and turned to see Alastor himself. He looked over the lobby with a wide grin.

"I must say, you all know how to throw a party!"

I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Well, it was mostly Charlie and Niffty. I just lifted things if they were too heavy."

Alastor turned to look down at me. His look wasn't menacing, but I could tell it wasn't happy either.

"Ego, my young apprentice, I must ask you something."

I looked up at him slightly nervously, but tried to keep a straight face.

"Uh, sure, what is it?"

His eyes locked with mine as he spoke.

"I hear you and Niffty are a couple now. Is that correct?"

I felt a lump in my throat for a moment before regaining my confidence.

"Yes, that's true. We're dating. Is that a problem?"

I managed to make that last sentence forceful, as if daring Alastor to make it a problem. Mentor or not, he wasn't coming between us. Alastor did something I wasn't expecting and laughed, throwing his head back happily before looking back down at me.

"Oh, please, Ego! Not everything has to be a threat to you! I simply wanted to give you my blessings!"

He laughed again while I sat there stunned for a moment. I managed to regain my senses and spoke up to him.

"Wait, so… can I ask you something too?"

He looked down and nodded, smiling.

"How did you meet Niffty? Are you her, uh, dad?"

This time he actually slapped his knee in amusement. Once he was done chortling he wiped away a tear and answered me.

"Ohoho, not quite. You see, Niffty arrived here in Hell after a previous partner of hers burned her house down."

I frowned and looked over at my sweetheart as she happily passed out drinks. Alastor continued.

"Funnily enough, she used to fancy women quite a bit, but after that she took a liking to strapping young men like yourself! Regardless, Niffty was sent to hell after her death for sins related to her obsession with cleanliness; things like trespassing into places after dark to clean them, stealing cleaning supplies when funds were low, that sort of thing."

I gave a sort of sad smile. That's my girl.

"When she arrived here, she tried to get a job as a maid to make ends meet. Unfortunately, she took her job… a bit too seriously. She would refuse to leave demon's abodes until every inch was spotless, whether they wanted her there or not. I found her trying to wash away a bruise on her arm that someone had given her after throwing her out of his apartment."

I looked up at Alastor. His smile seemed to have dropped slightly, and a wistful look was in his eyes.

"Poor thing was only making her injury worse. I knelt down and used a bit of magic to heal her up. I asked her who had done this, and she pointed to his building, stating that it was on the third floor…"

Alastor's expression morphed again, his smile turning again to his occasionally ruthless grin. I could swear I saw those symbols floating around his head.

"So, I brought the whole 13 story complex down, making sure not a single soul escaped their fate."

He quickly turned back to look at me, his original cheerful demeanor returning.

"So, I both employed her and went through the work necessary to become her godfather!"

He placed a hand on my shoulder, a look of genuine pride on his face.

"So, as her godfather, I'm giving you my good graces to date her. You're a good lad, Ego. You're lucky to have each other."

I felt close to crying. As much as Alastor was a demented sociopath murder, he was still the first person in Hell to show me any sort of kindness. He brought me up from nothing to a life worth living, with people that wanted to be around me. He must have seen the tears welling in my eyes and he smiled wider. Patting me on the head he nodded to Niffty as a new song came on the jukebox.

"Come now, no time for tears! I do believe that little darling over there could use a dance partner, don't you agree?"

I sniffled slightly and nodded hastily, rushing over to pull Niffty away from her serving duties. She blushed as I took her arm, and we spent the rest of the evening dancing away together.

* * *

As is usual when one's having a good time, the hours seemed to pass by in the blink of an eye. Soon enough it was night, and as the party drew to a close and the decorations were put away, Niffty and I couldn't help but cast flirtatious glances at each other. Once everything was in order, the staff members all went their own ways. I barely paid them any attention, since as soon as we could, Niffty and I rode the service elevator up to my floor. We practically dashed to my room, Niffty quickly unlocked it and we shut it behind us. As soon as the lock engaged we locked our lips. She half-dragged, half-waltzed me to the bed and we fell onto the soft mattress still in a close embrace. Both of our eyes closed, I felt her press her palm against my chest and rub it gently. In response, I placed my hand on her ankle, slowly moving my fingertips up her stockings. I felt her breathing heavier as my hand neared her waist, until finally my fingertips finally reached the thin lingerie under her dress.

It was at this point the door to my room slammed open, making both of us jump and cry out in fright. The light from the hallway slightly blinding me, I tried to make out the figure in the door-frame. As soon as the high-pitched nasally voice rang out, I knew precisely who it was.

"Ego, quit your galavanting this instant! My friend, we are on the verge of the most monumental scientific discovery I have made in the last 3 weeks!"

As my eyes adjusted, sure enough, there was Baxter. His lab coat was stained with a worrying red substance, and he had an even more wild look in his eyes than usual. Truth be told, at that moment I was less worried about his wardrobe and more furious at his intrusion. At around this time Id began to laugh hysterically, not ceasing for some time.

"Baxter?! What the fuck are you doing here?!"

He raised an eyebrow at my question.

"Well, the locks on these rooms are remarkably simple to pick. I daresay even you could do it, old chum!"

I heard a sound like a lion growling and looked at Niffty. If looks could kill, Baxter would be in double-Hell. I turned back to Baxter with a growing anger.

"Can't this wait, Baxter? Can't you see we're sort of busy here?"

He waved his hand at us dismissively.

"Oh, come now. Science waits for no one! You too can continue your copulating at a later date; for now, I have to show you the results from the sample you gave me!"

I heard Niffty mutter a threat under her breath and get off of me, the mood clearly ruined. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed.

"For the love of Satan, Baxter…"

I turned to Niffty, who was clutching my hand with both of hers she had a look that conveyed the message "either make him leave or I'm coming with you". I sighed once more and looked back at my fishy friend.

"Baxter, I can't just go with you right now, Niffty and I were-"

"Oh, the female can come too if you're going to throw up such a fuss about the whole ordeal."

He rolled his eyes at us and mumbled something about 'idiotic demonic libido levels' as Niffty and I got up and tried to make ourselves look presentable. I glanced at her apologetically. I don't think she was mad at me, but she was certainly mad. Once we were finished she locked my arm with hers in a grip I'm not sure an Immortal Demon could break. We walked out of my dimly lit room and into the hallway. I turned around to lock the door, then grumbled and didn't bother. Apparently anyone could enter it anyway.

* * *

A few minutes later Baxter was leading Niffty and me into his secret laboratory under the hotel. I was used to the bizarre nature of Baxter's work, but Niffty took in the whole scene with fresh eyes. The aquamarine hues and bubbling concoctions were distracting enough to chill her anger, at least for the moment. Baxter scurried over to a large workbench and directed us over, rambling quickly.

"Now, Ego and guest-"

"My name is Niffty." My partner responded, her anger returning. Baxter waved his hand at her again.

"Yes, yes, Thrifty, thank you for the clarification. Now, Ego, I have done extensive research on the mass of your flesh that was touched by the angelic being."

He pointed to a flask where the still-pulsating mass still sat. Niffty looked at it in a mixture of horror and awe.

"Wait… that happened when the angel shook your hand, honey?"

I nodded, and Id stopped his laughing to enter the conversation.

"Ye, that holy bitch was awful. Just looking at her hurt."

Baxter turned to look at us, a grimace on his face.

"Save all commentary until the end of the demonstration, please."

Niffty tried to move forward, presumably to beat the snot out of Baxter, but I kept our arms locked. Baxter didn't seem to notice her reaction and continued.

"Now, as you may be able to notice with the naked eye, the flesh still pulsates with a form of energy. I performed numerous tests to determine the type of energy and its exact wavelength, frequency, etcetera. However, every test I ran placed the energy far off the electromagnetic spectrum, at energy levels magnitudes higher than gamma radiation. So!"

He turned to us, that wild look in his eyes again.

"I had to devise new methods of measuring this energy type! Follow!"

He abruptly started waddling towards a large machine at the back of the lab. I can't speak for Niffty, but at this point my anger was giving way at least slightly to curiosity. Baxter rambled on as he walked.

"Now, as I'm sure you're at least marginally aware, gamma radiation is an extremely powerful type of energy. A single photon of it hitting a planet would punch a hole clean through and not even slow down. You may be wondering how this angel could not only be capable of producing this much energy, but also using it without blowing all of Hell to kingdom come."

He stopped in front of a large spherical machine. Various tubes and nozzles sprouted from it. A glass screen on the front allowed us to look into the chamber, where a piece of the white flesh sat, pulsing away. Baxter continued as we watched the dime-sized light inside.

"The answer is bafflingly simple: the energy requires a conduit to function!"

He made a 'ta-da' motion. We both stared at him in confusion, so he sighed and moved on.

"To use an analogy, consider a battery. Energy can be stored harmlessly within a battery, but when given a conduit such as a wire or spilled conductive fluid, the energy is free to flow and do work on the environment. This energy is a similar case."

He joined us as we looked at the flesh. Pressing his finger at the glass, he pointed inside.

"I hypothesize that angels have obscene quantities of this energy stored inside them, but when given a conduit this energy is able to escape and cause damage to whatever it comes into contact with. Now, what conduit does this energy use?"

He looked at us expectantly, waited too brief a time for us to answer, and then reached over to a button on the chamber as he answered for us.

"The bodies of demons!"

He pressed the button and a small metallic claw inside the chamber began to lower. I looked in disgust and saw that the claw was holding a small chunk of meat, which I could only assume to be the conduit he referred to. Baxter spoke to us as it lowered.

"You all may want to step back…"

Without hesitation we followed his instructions. I couldn't see the chamber from the distance we moved back to, but I certainly knew the instant the demon flesh hit the white flesh. A blinding flash shone out of the glass screen, and a deafening bang followed close behind. Niffty and I ducked down in fear, then looked back at the machine in terror. Surprisingly it was still in one piece. The pipes and tubes attached to the sphere were pumping rapidly, and the room whirred with the sound of machinery. Baxter looked at us excitedly.

"Voila! With just a small piece of both demon flesh and this tainted specimen, a massive amount of energy can be released. To be more specific, that explosion just now released enough raw power to keep this hotel running for the next 562,388 years!"

He stared at us, possibly waiting for applause that wasn't coming. I stood and screamed at him as I helped Niffty up.

"Look, I know you have limited morals Baxter, but a bit of a warning would have been nice! And telling us to 'step back' doesn't count!"

Niffty regained her senses again.

"Where are you getting that flesh from anyway?! Are you a murderer?!"

Baxter scoffed at the question.

"Me, a murderer? No, no, I stop short at torture. I got this flesh from the clones."

Niffty and I stopped dead in our tracks, then spoke in unison.

"...What clones?"

Baxter sighed, as if our question was the dumbest thing anyone had ever asked. He answered as he walked over to a closed cabinet on the side of the lab.

"Well, the clones I've been growing, obviously. I often need living tissue samples, so I procure deoxyribonucleic acid samples from guests and staff here at the hotel."

He reached out and whipped open the cabinet. To our horror, inside were layer upon layer of small jars with what looked like fetuses inside them. Baxter rambled on in our stunned silence.

"A lot of the staff leaves behind copious sample data. That pink arachnid demon, he often leaves behind several viscous liquids on objects in his room. The alcoholic feline throws away bottles littered with DNA."

He placed a hand on his chin and visibly pondered out loud.

"I must say, Ego, it was hard getting samples from your mate there, since she is meticulous about her cleanliness. Luckily for me, I managed to find the waste receptacle where she deposits her used menstrual aids."

I stared at him in disbelief for a moment as it sunk in that he was making clones of my girlfriend from her used tampons. Niffty spoke up next to me.

"...Ego…"

I was afraid to look in her direction. In all the time I had known Niffty, never once had I heard her use a single word at once. I placed my face in my hands and groaned before answering her.

"Okay. 15 minutes. Get it out of your system."

Before I had even finished speaking she had lunged towards Baxter, screaming bloody murder. I didn't bother to look up from my hands, since the sounds of Niffty beating Baxter to within an inch of his afterlife was obvious without the visual component. Id resumed his mad cackling at my feet, clearly having the most fun of anyone here.

* * *

About 20 minutes later things had mostly calmed down. Niffty was standing next to me, grabbing my arm with both of hers instead of just one. She leaned her head on me happily, and I leaned back. I was happy she was feeling better, but could help but feel a bit bad for Baxter. I glanced over to where he was applying bandages to… well, almost everywhere. He was covered in what I assumed to be embryonic fluid from when Niffty had dumped the cabinet of clones on top of him, and grumbled under his breath while casting annoyed glances in our direction. Eventually he limped over, grimacing.

"Well, then. I hope you have gotten it "out of your system", as you say."

Niffty scoffed and grinned at him sassily.

"Oh, I think I'm alright for now, unless you'd like to make me angry again."

A look of both fear and anger flashed across his face. I held up my free hand to them both.

"Look, alright, let's not start this up again. Baxter, I assume you had something relevant to show me besides a way to keep the hotel running longer than any of us will likely be here?"

That spark of excitement slowly came back into his eyes as I reminded him of why we were messing up his lab in the first place.

"Yes, I most certainly do have something to show you! This way."

He limped over to a nearby workbench where several small jars with cork lids were sitting. Baxter reached down and picked up one of them, which was filled with a salmon-colored fluid. He swirled it around gently as he spoke to us.

"Now, Ego, if your haste to be angry at me, you probably neglected to consider yourself."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Me? What did I do now?"

Baxter scoffed and Niffty giggled. Baxter grinned at me.

"Always the modest one, my simple-minded comrade! It's not what you _did_ , but rather what you _didn't_ do! When that angel grabbed your hand not once, but twice, you didn't spontaneously combust and take out the entirety of Hell with you. Even though she made direct contact with your bare skin, the worst the energy did was attach itself to the affected areas. It attempted to spread, but I hypothesize your uncanny ability to heal managed to stop that."

Id spoke up with a grunt.

"Yeah, but it still hurt like a bitch for both of us. That light she gave off was some serious shit."

Baxter nodded quickly at Id's remark.

"Yes, that is also important. After reviewing the security footage, I surmised that the light you experienced was the angel letting off trace amounts of this energy unconsciously, like a sort of pheromone. What is more important than the source of this light, you sassy shadow, is the fact that it managed to touch you."

Id opened his mouth to speak, but raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Huh. That is weird. Normally I don't feel stuff like that, which is good when these two start to get undressed."

I glared down at Id, who chuckled at my annoyance. Baxter ignored our bickering and continued. Picking up a penlight, he shined the light through the small jar and onto Id. As the light passed through, it seemed to intensify, striking Id like a spotlight. Id screamed in pain and backed away, swearing at baxter furiously.

"What the fuck, you limp-dicked merman-fucker?!"

Baxter just grinned wider.

"Aha! A successful test! Many thanks, spectre."

"Fuck you."

Baxter was too excited to notice Id's rebuttal. He handed me the jar to hold.

"That jar contains a carefully mixed colloidal fluid made out of 99.999% your blood, Ego, and the remainder the extract of the holy energy. For reasons that require further testing to unearth, your blood acts as a natural anti-venom to this energy. At those ratios, the two substances are in perfect equilibrium."

I looked at the small jar in my palm. It was no bigger than a pill bottle, and yet it felt incredibly heavy. It was also lukewarm, like a hand warmer. I frowned and looked up at Baxter.

"Why did it hurt Id?"

Baxter clapped like a small child on a holiday.

"I was hoping you'd ask that! I have a running theory that this energy affects different demons in different ways. I theorize these differences are based on the demon's number and severity of sins."

Niffty furrowed her brow, which looks strange but cute given her single eye.

"Wait, how can you quantify that?"

Baxter shrugged, then winced as the bandages on his shoulders shifted.

"To be frank, I have no clue. I have a very limited knowledge of morals, ethics or cultural boundaries-"

"We noticed." Niffty interjected, smirking.

"Yes… as I was saying, I have no idea how these metrics are determined. For all I know, they could be transcendental laws set in place by some divine power, if such a thing exists. Alternatively, it may be up to the discretion of the angel that the energy originates from. Regardless, that fluid takes in energy of any kind and amplifies it by an astronomical magnitude."

I gently swirled the jar, and felt the heat from it grow slightly from the movement. I smirked at Baxter.

"Okay, neat. So, what do you have planned for this goop?"

Baxter raised an eyebrow at my question.

"Well, I want you to drink it of course. In the common parlance of the youth today, 'duh'."


	11. Hybrid Blood, Pt. 2

The tension in the air after Baxter revealed his intentions was palpable. I glanced down at the warm bottle in my hand as Niffty broke the silence, her anger rising once again.

"What the hell do you mean, 'drink it'?! Why would he do that?!"

I heard Baxter shrug and make a sort of annoyed grunt at Niffty's question.

"Well, I have several reasons, so I shall list them in order of ascending relevance. Foremost, for the pure scientific nature of experimentation. While I have already attempted to initiate bonding between demonic flesh and this angelic energy, you have already seen the results. Ego's body seems to be the only catalyst to date that has a chance of utilizing this energy effectively. Secondly, I am sure Ego himself is wondering what causes him to be more resistant to this energy; being able to examine his body reacting to gradually stronger doses of angelic energy could give more clues to why he is so special. Finally, Ego…"

I looked up from the small jar to see Baxter staring at me. His eyes had a calm intensity I had never seen from him before.

"You know as well as I do that the situation revolving around this hotel is getting more dire."

I frowned and squeezed Niffty's hand. She looked back at me, her anger subsiding as she moved to cling on my arm. Baxter continued.

"It's important to remember how close we almost came to a complete catastrophe. Had you not warned Charlie against shaking Edith's hand, not only would the princess have been eradicated instantly, but the resulting burst of energy would have vaporized at least 14 city blocks, in ym conservative estimation."

Niffty spoke up once more, her voice slightly shaky with fear.

"So that angel wasn't really here for Madeline… she was a suicide bomber…"

Baxter scoffed slightly, then corrected himself, not wanting to be pummeled again.

"Well, not quite. The angel most likely would have remained largely unscathed from an explosion of her own design. So, less suicide, and more like a controlled detonation."

Niffty clung to me closer and I sighed, looking back down at the jar. It looked so innocent, in a strange way. The light-pink fluid inside glowed slightly and felt warm to the touch. I could have mistaken it for a glowstick, had I not known better. Wrapping my fingers around it gently, I furrowed my brow in determination and looked at Baxter.

"How would drinking this help?"

Niffty whipped around to me with panic in her eye.

"W-what?! You can't seriously be thinking about drinking that stuff!... Ego?"

The look on her face broke my heart but I tried to stay strong. I reached my free hand around and hugged her close to me.

"Niffty, if I means keeping you save, I would drink a gallon of this gunk. You mean everything to me."

She immediately hugged me back and cried slightly into my shoulder. I wanted to stay there forever, in her arms. Maybe if we clung together long enough, all of Hell would vanish and we could just be together. Unfortunately, that remained a dream, as Id broke the silence with a comment directed at baxter.

"So, fishdick, what exactly is that stuff going to do to our body? If just some light shining through it hurts me, I don't like the idea of chugging that shit."

Niffty gave me one last squeeze before we turned back to Baxter, still holding hands. Baxter grinned at us, that wild look in his eyes coming back.

"Ohhh, I was hoping one of you would ask that! Follow me to the training room!"

* * *

No matter how many times I had come down here for training, the shift in lighting from the laboratory to the training room was always a rough transition. As the bright orange light washed over all of us, I heard Niffty curse under her breath and shield her eye. We all walked into the sand-carpeted room and slowly adjusted to the lighting as Baxter scurried around, setting up various machines and explaining the plan.

"As has been explicitly seen, the angelic energy produced by Heavenly beings is extremely volatile when subjected to any demonic flesh, even yours, Ego. While it doesn't seem to cause enormous explosions like it does with normal demonic flesh, it still causes damage to you in odd ways."

I squinted over at the scientist as he ran around.

"Uh, odd how? It mostly just hurt a lot when she touched me."

Baxter didn't stop his mechanical fiddling as he answered.

"Oh, various things. Namely, when I subjected the energy to some of your cloned flesh, it attempted to assimilate itself completely with the flesh. The energy behaved a bit like a virus, corrupting the cells in your body and using those cells to then spread further. Fascinating, really."

The sound of clicking switches and turning dials accompanied Baxter as he spoke, and the light actually dimmed slightly. Niffty and I blinked away tears to see that the far wall of the room had been modified into some sort of complex machine. A large glass room sat in the middle of the contraption, with various tubes coming out of it.

"At any rate, I managed to specially modify that concoction you hold in a few ways. Not only is it precisely diluted with your own blood, but I also managed to splice your genome into the energy signature of that angelic energy."

Niffty tilted her head at Baxter, perplexed.

"Uh, I'm not a scientist, but I don't think DNA and energy work that way. How can you connect a genome and an energy signature?"

Baxter turned back to her, his expression screaming 'mad scientist'.

"My petite cycloptic tormentress, when you're as brilliant as I am, shit just works!"

With that he turned back to the machine and whipped open the glass chamber with a slight pressurized hiss. He stepped inside but left the door ajar.

"Now, female demon, if you would kindly join me here."

Niffty and I looked at each other with slight concern, but eventually we nodded to each other. I leaned down and kissed her passionately before she left my side and stood next to Baxter awkwardly. Baxter then shut the door with a bang, turned several dials on the inside paneling, then pressed a button to activate a loudspeaker.

"Ego, can you hear us out there?"

I nodded and couldn't help but smirk at the situation. My girlfriend and my best friend, standing inside a mechanical box as I prepared to drink some weird angel-demon goo. I shouted back to them, holding up the bottle in my hand.

"Baxter, you never told me what this is supposed to do!"

The speakers squeaked again as he replied.

"Oh, right. That mixture should bind to your genetic sequence, augmenting it to make you, uh… more powerful."

I squinted at my mad scientist friend.

"Baxter, be honest with me: you don't have a single goddamn clue what this will do, do you?"

Niffty stared at him furiously and I could even see through the glass that Baxter was sweating nervously under her gaze.

"No, no, of course not! I… have an educated guess or two… I am positive the dosage is small enough to not immediately turn you into a vegetable!"

The speakers turned off again as I saw Niffty punch Baxter in the groin, then begin yelling at him as he bent over in pain. I sighed and looked at the bottle in my hand, then down at Id, who just shrugged back at me. I furrowed my brow.

"Eh, fuck it all."

Popping off the cork, I tilted the bottle into my mouth and downed it all in one gulp. I noted that it tasted strangely like strawberry lemonade before I fell to the ground.

* * *

I had never tasted alcohol, which I imagine is a shocking thing for a denizen of Hell. That being said, I had heard about alcohol from all sorts of people, both human and otherwise. In particular, I had heard that vodka was a horrible, burning liquid that hurt to drink, stinging the inside of one's mouth and throat. Basing my opinions off of this description, I would have to compare the angelic fluid I drank to a mixture of strawberry lemonade, 99% pure vodka, and several handfuls of coarse iron filings.

I didn't pass out after drinking it, which I suppose was a positive aspect; I had passed out several times over the last few months, and didn't feel like being knocked out yet again. On the other hand, the initial pain made me wish that I had lost consciousness. The liquid felt like a jar of pins moving down my throat, and I could track every individual droplet as it moved down to my stomach. Once it landed there, the real agony started as I felt the fluid disperse and get absorbed into the walls of my insides. It felt like I was going to explode and fling iron nails everywhere. I'm sure I must have been screaming bloody murder throughout this whole ordeal, but at that time my senses were going berserk. My eyesight became blurry, and despite the intense orange light that I'm sure still shone down on me, everything seemed dim. Strangely, it wasn't completely dark; I remember glancing over towards the chamber where Niffty and Baxter were standing, but I couldn't see them through the glass. Instead I saw two strange blobs, a light-indigo one where Niffty should be, and a dark violet one where Baxter was. The blobs seemed to me moving frantically, as if trying to get out of the box. If they were saying anything, I couldn't hear them. The only noises I could hear were the deafening pounding of blood rushing through my body, and some sort of strange far-off chanting. As I tried to focus on this second noise, it became more and more distant, as if trying to avoid my thoughts. After a couple minutes of internal agony, a new pain appeared: towards the center of my back I felt two sharp, stabbing wounds appear. I must have screamed even louder, because the blobs became more frantic. Soon enough the door swung open and the blobs rushed over to me. The indigo one knelt down and held me, but I couldn't feel it. The violet one seemed surprised when more blobs showed up from where the main door was. A sort of grey blob led them, followed by a blue one, a green one, another blue one and a red one. They all looked down at me and moved like they were panicked. I couldn't hear whatever they were saying, if they were saying anything at all; mostly I was focused on the pain in my back. It felt like gallons of blood and bones were pouring out of my spine, and I could actually tell I was being pushed upwards by what I assumed to be a pile of gore below me. I still stared up at the blobs, probably screaming in agony, hoping that maybe I would black out. Maybe there is some sort of merciful God, because eventually my pained consciousness slipped away to a blissful darkness.

* * *

I remember having another dream after I had blacked out. Unlike the usual hallway dream, I was somewhere entirely different. Tall trees stretched up around me, and rain was falling down from the high branches. I could barely see anything; it must have been around midnight, and the only light came from the moon above. My eyes began to adjust slowly to the darkness, and I took in my surroundings. I was in the middle of a clearing in a dense forest, seemingly alone. Checking my hands, I initially thought that I was a demon again. However, as the rain fell on my palms, I realized that it wasn't my skin that was red. My human hands were drenched in blood. Looking around me in horror I saw that I wasn't truly alone in the clearing. Human bodies laid scattered around my feet, a veritable carpet of limbs, guts and bones. Strangely, my horror subsided quickly to a feeling almost like joy. Against my will I knelt down and picked up an arm. In the moonlight I saw that it was dainty and feminine. A small bracelet hung around its wrist; it looked like it was made out of basic craft materials, and the name "ABIGAIL" was created out of beads. Without any control, my body ripped the bracelet to bits before bringing the arm to my mouth. I could do nothing as I felt my teeth sinking into the flesh, ripping apart the ligaments and sundering the skin as the blood once again coated my hands. As much as I wished this dream would end, it didn't seem to show any sign of stopping. My body feasted on the decaying bodies over and over, gnashing away at the corpses in a ravenous hatred. After what felt like an eternity I heard something in the distance. People calling out in the darkness. Turning I saw lights flicker through the branches. My body got up slowly, creeping towards the light. I begged it to stop, to leave them. As I got closer I could clearly hear what they were saying.

"Abigail! Abigail, where are you sweetheart?! Come to mommy! Abigaaaaiiil!"

Once only a few trees separated me and the search party, I could see that they were humans. The one calling looked like she hadn't slept in a week, and tears flowed steadily from her eyes. Suddenly they all stopped dead in their tracks. One of the humans, a man, spoke up in a whisper.

"...Did you hear that?..."

They flashed their lights in my direction, and I leapt forwards without a second's delay. In the light I could see that my fingers were gnarled and my nails were nearly claw-like. I dug into the man's face, plucking out his eyes like grapes. The other screamed before I was on them as well. Inside my body I was helpless to save them as I tore them to shreds. Finally only the woman remained. I turned to her as she backward away on all fours, a look of pure fear on her face. I moved towards her slowly as she sobbed. I spoke to her, my voice a twisted growl.

"Your daughter… was delicious…"

I will never forget the look on her face. Whether it was a dream or a memory, no amount of drugs or therapy could ever scrub the look of hopeless terror from my mind. Her look went beyond any emotion I could possibly describe. It was a basic, animalistic feeling of dread. Then I leapt at her as she screamed to the trees for help.

* * *

I woke up screaming, as I had done many times in my life. Only this time, as I screamed I felt a pair of arms fling around my shoulders, and two more hands try to push my backwards. I flailed wildly, my eyes still sore and my mind full of panic. Eventually I realized that something was making noises to me. The noises became clearer and clearer until I recognized them as English.

"Ego! Ego, it's us! It's me, Charlie! Ego, are you okay?"

Slowly I calmed down, and the hands on my shoulders pulled away slowly as I regained my senses. Still breathing heavily, I looked down to see that Niffty was still clinging to me like a life preserver, sobbing deeply as she hugged me. I could only pant and look down at her, then took in my surroundings in a slight panic. It took me a moment, but I realized that I was in my room, which had once again been turned into an infirmary. All the staff were gathered: Charlie was indeed there, and it had been Vaggie who had tried to keep my calm by holding my arms. Husk and Angel sat off to one side, looking both shocked and concerned, which were foreign emotions for both of them. Alastor looked at me with a genuine frown, which actually made me feel more concerned. Even Baxter was present; he stared at me with a sheepish look, but I could tell from that glint in his eye that he was excited about something. Looking around at everyone in a daze, Alastor spoke to bring my attention to him. I stared at him slack-jawed as he spoke.

"Ego, my boy… how are you feeling?"

I couldn't help but stare at him agape. A minute or two passed with nothing but Niffty sobbing before I could find the words.

"Al… Alastor… Why are you… Blue?"

Niffty stopped sobbing and pulled away from me. Everyone spoke up at once.

"Blue?"

Angel Dust followed this up.

"Uh, Al is red, Ego. You go color blind?"

Husk elbowed him in the ribs. I just shook my head, staring at them all in awe.

"No… no, he's Alastor but… he's also blue."

I shakily raised my hand to paint at Husk.

"And… Husk's Green..."

I moved my hand to Angel Dust.

"...Red…"

Then to Vaggie.

"...Blue again…"

Vaggie frowned, both from concern for me and also being the same color as Alastor. As I was pointing I looked at my own hand in shock. It was mostly violet, but wisps of white shifted over my fingers. I shook my head and moaned in pain, trying to explain.

"I don't know… it's like you're all… covered in colored mist…"

I heard scribbling and turned to see Baxter jotting down something in his notebook as he rambled.

"Fascinating! Perhaps his altered eyes allow him to see some sort of metaphysical energy that is normally invisible to us. I'll have to run some tests-"

Vaggie abruptly turned and punched Baxter square in the face, sending him to the floor.

"It's your goddamn tests that did this in the first place! You're lucky we don't fire you, dumbass!"

I looked at her as her blue mist turned a darker shade of blue before returning to normal. I looked at Charlie in confusion.

"My… eyes?"

Niffty clutched me tightly again and Charlie frowned.

"Uh… maybe it would be better to show you…"

She pulled out a hand mirror from her purse and held it up to me. I stared at myself, or what I thought was myself. I was largely the same: blond hair, small red horns, red skin. But as I looked into my eyes, I saw what was different. Whereas my irises were once brown, they were now snow white. I reached out to the mirror to touch it, to make sure I wasn't imagining it. As I moved forward, I felt a pain in my back and noticed a flutter of something in the mirror. Looking far to my right I dropped the mirror in surprise.

Sprouting from my back, where I had felt the immense pain, was a pair of large wings. Similar to Husk's, they were feathered and ended in a jagged line at the bottom. However, my feathers were a dark black color, with small red teardrop-shaped decals decorated the bottom edges. I winced and gently flexed my back, making my wings fan outwards slightly. I turned back to the group, awestruck at my new body.

"What. The. Fuck."


	12. Shadows of the Past

I laid in bed for the better part of the day. Everyone told me that I had only been knocked out for a few hours, but for some reason it didn't feel that way. It didn't seem like they were lying; the clocktower counting down to the next Purge was about the same as I remembered it. Still, I couldn't help but feel that something was different about the timing of things. Eventually most of the staff went to bed, leaving behind well-wishes and assurances that things were going to be okay. Niffty stayed by my side the whole time, giving me water and easing my pain. She kept a bright appearance, but I could tell she was worried about me. I felt a lot of guilt about making the choice I did, if only because making her upset was worse to me than any sin.

Eventually she left to go prepare everyone's dinner and clean up a bit. She kissed me on the forehead and reluctantly left my room. I watched the door close behind her, plunging the room into silence. It seemed like even the world outside stopped making any sounds. Once I was sure she was out of earshot, I got up and stumbled to the full-length mirror near my closet. The figure in the mirror was like a twisted version of myself: apart from my new white irises and large wings, my hair seemed more voluminous than before, and my skin was nearly spotless. I suppose most demons would have been thrilled at this makeover, but I felt like spitting on the mirror. Even if I cared about vanity, I knew better than to be happy about having angelic features. Whatever beauty they had was nothing but a distraction from a knife in the back. Trying to push these thoughts to the side for now, I attempted to move my wings. Moaning slightly in pain, I flexed my back. My feathered wings spread outwards easily, making a slight ruffling noise as they expanded to their full length. One of them bumped against the wall nearest to me, making me wince in slight pain. Looking at myself again, I saw that these wings were enormous, especially compared to my small frame. I mused the idea that I might be able to fly, but my frown soon returned as I realized that I'd likely be shot down by a hunter or something. Sighing, I spoke aloud.

"...What am I now?..."

I glanced down at the floor, expecting one of Id's snide comments. To my surprise, he just stared silently up at me with a distrustful look in his eyes. We spent a few moments just examining each other; a freak and his shadow. I noticed that he was blue as well, although that was a bit of an understatement: for as much as Vaggie and Alastor had a strong blue aura, Id's was practically blinding. I still had no idea what the colors even meant, but I could tell Id was very… something. I sighed again and spoke to him.

"Don't you have some insult to throw at me? Something to do with me looking like a plucked chicken? Or a carnival freak?"

Id just continued staring, his eyes narrowing at me. I furrowed my brow and pointed down at him, my anger growing.

"You think I don't know what you're thinking about? Maybe it's that now that I'm… whatever I am, you won't be able to use our body? Is that it?!"

He didn't break his gaze. I clenched my teeth, tears welling in my eyes for reasons I chose not to understand. Kneeling down to him I continued, my voice rising without me realizing it.

"I'm a freak now, for real this time, aren't I? Not even a demon, not nearly an angel. Not even the Hellrats back in the junkyard would look at me the same, would they?! Huh?!"

Id finally sighed, glancing away from me. I slammed my hand down next to his head.

"What is it, Id?! What do you have to say about all this shit?!"

He kept staring at the wall before gazing back at me, finally answering.

"Sit down, kid. We need to have a chat."

* * *

I sat on the bed reluctantly,. Unsure what to feel anymore. Across from me Id was on the wall, his arms crossed as he looked at me. His pose seemed judgmental, but his face was almost fearful. I glared up at him as he started.

"You really don't know shit, do you, Ego?"

I didn't answer, and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Where do I even start with this… I guess the beginning is as good a place as any."

He pulled his hand away from his nose and stared at me intensely.

"I know about those dreams you've been having. The hallway, the forest, the red room. All of it."

I decided not to answer. I somehow knew he was hiding something, so I just let him continue.

"Imps aren't created from human souls, Ego. The truth is, you never had a life on Earth."

I raised my eyebrows at him and interrupted.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Of course I lived on Earth. I remember going to highschool, and playing video games, and doing sports-"

"Those are fake memories, Ego. You've never stepped an inch outside of Hell."

I quickly stood up and stared at him furiously.

"Why should I believe a single goddamn thing you say?! You've never once told me the truth, or been remotely honest."

Id sighed again, his expression softening a bit into a slight sadness.

"I know that. Just sit down and I'll try to explain things better."

I admit I was slightly taken aback by his attitude. In all the time I'd known Id, never once had been sympathetic. I sighed and plopped back down on the bed as he resumed.

"Right. So, all Imps are born here in Hell. Well, I say 'born'; that's not really right. Charlie, for example, was actually born in Hell the traditional way: her parents fucked and popped her out. Imps, however, are born more… spontaneously…"

He turned to the window and pointed to an area past the junkyard. Looking there, I saw the industrial district, where massive smokestacks continuously polluted Hell's skies and rivers of sludge sullied the land.

"You were born there. Below the ground in that area is a large pit filled with a sort of goop that acts as a womb. Imps gestate there, and are fished out by other Hell-born demons once they are fully grown."

I stared in horror at the smokestacks, refusing to believe what Id was saying.

"No… no, that doesn't make any sense… why are they… how do…"

Id sighed.

"Imps are the lowest part of society because they are made to be slaves, Ego. Manufactured to be worthless, to serve as workers, janitors, hitmen, you name it. As for how, that's a bit more complicated. Those pits I mentioned just act as wombs, a place for Imps to grow to maturity. They need something _else_ to get started…"

I glanced at him warily, too afraid to ask the obvious question. He looked back at me and frowned.

"Imps are born from sin, kid. Remember what fishdick said about angels have a sort of 'energy' to them?"

I nodded slowly.

"Well, demons have a similar sort of energy. The more sinful a demon was, the more energy they had. When that energy is released, it's brought to those factories and condensed down into a sort of seed. Those seeds become Hellborn demons."

I could only stare in shock at what Id was implying. Eventually I found a sentence.

"...How is that energy released?"

Id hesitated before chuckling.

"You always were intuitive about shit like this. Fine. You know that normally, mortal demons can't be killed. That energy keeps them intact, no matter how hard a demon will hit itself. There's only one thing that _can_ kill a demon…"

I slowly turned back towards the window and stared out towards the clocktower. 200 days. Just 200 days until…

"...the angels…" I whispered under my breath. Id nodded.

"Those tools the Exterminators use aren't just weapons; they're like batteries, storing demonic energy to transport to the factories. That energy is then condensed down into Hellborn seeds. It's all connected: humans on Earth die, getting sent to either Heaven or Hell. More people get sent to Hell, so Exterminators serve as a way to control overpopulation. The energy from demons is used to make Imps, which keep Hell running like a machine. The cycle continues, on and on, built on the backs of slaves born from pure sins."

I backed away from the window, terrified. I sat on the bed in shock, putting my head in my hands. Everything was silent for a while before I looked back up at Id, starting to cry.

"Id… how do you know all this? What are you?"

He frowned again and sighed.

"Now things start to get complicated… you already know that you're different, Ego. The way your body heals so fast, the way that angelic energy doesn't affect it as much, the fact that I exist… it's all because you and I are a special case. Try to stay with me here."

He took a deep breath as I continued silently crying.

"So, most Imps are made in those gross pits, yeah? The thing is, the people in charge are always trying to get the cycle to work better, faster, more efficiently, whatever. Occasionally those brainiacs run experiments to try and make quote-on-quote 'better Imps'. That's where we come in. Our body was made in a different away, in some way that I don't even understand. That's why we can heal faster, take more of a beating, etc, etc."

I just stared blankly at my hands as he continued.

"That's not all of it, though. A body doesn't do much good without a soul to make it run. So, the engineers tried to filter out a Hellspawn seed into two parts: the pure sins-"

Id pointed a thumb to himself.

"-and whatever human decency remained in the demonic energy."

He pointed at me.

"Problem is, they couldn't separate us. The next best option was to put half of the soul into the body, and leave the other half hanging outside."

I looked up at him again.

"How do you know all this?"

He looked at me again with that slight sadness.

"Most Imps don't remember where they came from. Part of the process is implanting false memories of life on Earth. Since you were the half of the soul they put into the body, you got your memories overwritten. Meanwhile I managed to remember everything. Before they could switch us and clear my memory too, I took over our body and managed to get out… while also having some fun and destroying most of the facilities. With nowhere else to go, I took us to the nearby junkyards." We just stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. Eventually I spoke up again.

"What… what are those dreams, then? I thought they might be real memories from my time on Earth, but that's obviously wrong…"

Id furrowed his brow.

"Honestly, I'm not sure myself. My best guess is that they're actual memories of Earth from the killed demons that got mixed up with our memories. That forest memory was probably from some demon that got killed in one of the purges. Plus, before you ask, I have no idea what the colors you're seeing are. That's angelic shit that I have no idea about; maybe that fish twink can help."

I sighed and opened my mouth to ask more questions, but just then Niffty rushed back into the room, a platter of hot foot in her arms.

"Okay, sweetie, I made you some potatoes and- oh my gosh, what are you doing out of bed?! Did Id make you get up?!"

She glared at the shadow on the wall and Id scoffed.

"Hah! What are you, his personal secretary in addition to being his dominatrix?"

I glanced back at Id, who gave me a very brief, knowing look before going back to insulting Niffty. I caught on quickly and got in between them, trying to make things go back to normal. Although, truth be told, I wasn't sure what normality was anymore. I believed what Id had told me; there was no reason for him to make all that up, and if he wanted to hurt me emotionally there are much easier ways than telling a fake story. As Niffty tucked me into bed and fed me some of her delicious cooking, I put on my usual facade of complacency. It was becoming clear to me that almost everyone down in Hell had a past they either didn't remember, or didn't want to. It turns out I was no exception.


	13. With Flying Colors, Pt. 1

Within a day I was able to walk by myself, yet Niffty insisted on guiding me. I didn't complain; being near her always made me feel better, physical pain or otherwise. My new wings barely hurt, which surprised me as much as anyone else. They were more cumbersome than anything: only my baggiest clothes fit at all, let alone my work uniform. Niffty was actually extremely pleased with this development, rambling on about how she custom-designs Husk's clothes with wing-holes as she gathered every top I owned and carted them away. While she got to work, I excused myself to go for a short walk in the lobby. She frowned for a moment but was more easily convinced now that she had set a task for herself.

Walking into the lobby, I noticed some demons gathered around the couch, talking nonchalantly about their plans for the day. I recognized them as guests at the hotel; I had seen each of them dozens of times. Yet as I entered the room, they stared at me as much as I stared at them. To them I must have seen like I had had plastic surgery or something; demons don't just grow wings overnight. Combined with my other physical changes I must have looked like a new Imp entirely. I stared at them for an entirely different reason; their bodies hadn't changed an iota. Same horns, pointed teeth, vaguely-anthropomorphized figures. What had changed was something I still didn't understand, or even attempt to explain: the colors. Each of the demons before me had a different colored mist surrounding them. It seemed less like a smoke or a mist; it flowed almost like a liquid, and swirled in small pools around various parts of their bodies. The largest pool of color was at the head, but smaller pools existed along their chests, on the ends of their limbs, etc. Of the five demons before me, two of them shared a blue color, one was red, another indigo and the final demon was a shade of orange I had not seen before. Trying to focus on this last demon's actual appearance, I noticed that he was particularly rotund. Multiple chins sat below his pudgy face, and several smudges stained his shirt like a bib. Eventually one of the blue demons walked up to me, shouting.

"Oi! You got sumfin' to say, brat?!"

I watched him approach in a sort of confused awe. As he raised his voice and, subsequently, his fist at me, I saw that blue aura become more intense. The pools of swirling gas flowed much faster, becoming more turbulent. I quickly tried to snap myself out of my stupor and stammered a reply.

"O-oh, no, sir. I'm sorry…"

He scoffed at me.

"You better be, kid."

The red demon on the couch giggled. She happened to be a serpentine demon, and played with the end of her tail seductively.

"Oh, give him a break, Spike. He's too cute to pummel…"

I watched her blow a kiss my way, and subsequently her red aura also flaring up. I blushed and scurried away as they laughed behind me. Moving towards the service elevator, I pushed the button for the basement. I needed answers, and only one person could get them for me.

* * *

Standing in front of the door to Baxter's lab, I considered just opening it outright, but then thought better of it and knocked. This turned out to be a wise decision, since from the other side of the door I heard something click and hiss, followed by a peephole opening to see me.

"What do you- oh… oh, hello, Ego. Be right with you."

The peephole closed again as several clicking and clonking sounds came from the lab side of the door before it eventually swung open. Baxter stood before me, frowning deeply as he held a bag of ice to his eye, where Vaggie had punched him. He turned away from me and waved me in weakly, walking towards a worktable.

"Come in, Ego. Pardon the mess, I've been unable to organize things with this splitting headache."

I entered and looked around. The lab seemed just as much of a disaster area as it always had been, and likely always would be. Glancing back to the door as it closed behind me, I saw several new lock system and a crossbow-like device aimed at the door. I sighed but decided not to chastise the scientist for his actions. I turned back to him as he continued rambling, pulling up a seat beside the table.

"I tell you, my faithful comrade slash test subject, the women at this damned temporary abode are beyond sanity! First that cycloptic witch you fancy, now the princess's insectoid lover! Why is it so hard to do science these days?!"

Id chuckled on the floor below.

"Huh. Didn't know fish could be incels too."

Baxter raised an eye to my shadow.

"An 'incel'? Is that one of those new colloquial terms I hear youth using? Like 'mint' or 'bodacious'?"

I raised my hand before the banter could go any further.

"Look, Baxter, I'm sorry on behalf of Niffty and Vaggie; they're just… passionate. Like how you're passionate about science, right?"

Baxter pondered this for a moment before losing steam and sighing.

"Yes, I suppose that's fair. I also suppose you're not here for a discussion of modern linguistics, no?"

I smirked and shook my head.

"Right. When you were beside my bed you took notes about the colors I saw. Do you have any idea what those might be?"

Despite his pain, that usual glint in Baxter's eye sparkled once again.

"Oh, yes! I designed some tests to confirm a hypothesis I have for that anomaly. Firstly, what color do you see me as, Ego?"

I looked at him closely. He had a deep purple mass of swirling energy around him, with those same pools around his body.

"Dark purple. You also have, like, little vortexes of goop in a few places. Your head, down your chest, your hands and feet-"

Baxter seemed to forget his aches and tossed the ice bag haphazardly over his shoulder. It landed with a crash on some piece of machinery, but Baxter was already scribbling down notes vigorously. His pencil moved over the clipboard like lightning as he mumbled to himself.

"Interesting! I assume those pools are a generic property that most of the demons you've seen or will see possess, but these colors seem tied to more personal implications. You say I'm a dark violet, yet the other members of staff present when you awoke were designated various other colors. The sensual arachnid was red, correct? The moth and deer demons were both blue, while our alcoholic feline companion was green. That leaves the cyclops and the princess herself. What were their colors, chum?"

I furrowed my brow.

"Well, Niffty was a sort of indigo color, whatever that means. Charlie was… colorless?"

Baxter stopped and raised an eyebrow at me.

"Colorless as in white?"

I shook my head immediately.

"No… no, I actually have a bit of white…"

I looked down at my arms. Once again, most of my body was a lighter purple color, but streaks of white seemed to intermittently glide around me before being sucked into the vortex on my hand. I looked back up at Baxter and shrugged. Baxter nodded slowly, taking more notes.

"Most intriguing. If I was to make a baseline hypothesis, I would assume the white color you're seeing is a result of your newly-hybridized state. Perhaps that white is tied somehow to the angelic energy extracted from your contact with the recent holy visitor. Now, to clarify, if the princess isn't white, what color would you describe her as?"

I tried to concentrate, humming a bit before answering.

"Ummm… grey? That's as close as I can get. It wasn't so much that her color was grey, it was more like she had no color at all. Like a blank slate."

Baxter continued scribbling, nodding quickly then wincing at his injuries. A minute or two passed with just the sound of his pencil before I spoke again.

"So… what sort of tests do you have planned? Eye exams? Blood sampling? Some other invasive thing to make everyone worry?"

Baxter looked back at me excitedly.

"Far more simplistic, yet equally frightening, my test subject! We're going to go take surveys!"

* * *

Ten minutes later, Baxter and I were walking down the busy city streets. I glanced over at my aquatic friend and grimaced. I had never seen him outside of his laboratory, and clearly he was uncomfortable with this many people around. He had about seven nervous tics going at once, ranging from spinning his pencil around to tapping on his clipboard to blinking quickly. I made a mental note to thank him for helping me out, even if it was mostly fueled by his scientific curiosity. I turned forward again and glanced at the demons that strolled around us. It felt more like an avant-garde painting to me than a group of demons: colors intermingled with one another into a sea of vibrant, swirling mist. I was quickly getting nauseous and shut my eyes, but I felt Baxter tightly grip my wrist and lead me to a nearby bench, speaking even more rapidly than usual.

"Ah, I see you now understand how I feel around large groups all the time. No doubt the influx of colors is overstimulating your visual receptors in your brain, and perhaps any newly developed regions that allow you to see those colors at all. This experiment serves a twofold purpose, then: to better understand the meaning behind these colors, and to help you mentally compartmentalize them for better judgement. Now, Ego, I want you to slowly open your eyes and take deep breaths."

I paused for a moment, breathing deeply to calm my queasiness before slowly following my friend's instructions. To my surprise, we were in the community garden near the Hazbin Hotel. Relatively few people walked by us, mostly demons jogging or picnicking. The blazing fireblossoms lit up the area, exposing topiary netherwart sculptures and fire-flower bushes. I felt more at ease and spoke to Baxter as I took in the surroundings.

"Wow… I didn't know the park was this nice. How did you find this place, Baxter?"

Baxter shrugged, feeling more at ease as well.

"Eh, I mostly come here after dark. Less people, and the flowers still light things up well enough to take a stroll. It's a very calming, low-traffic region, so it's a good place to start rationalizing this phenomenon. Now, Ego, for the first part of this experiment, I want you to examine any passing demons and tell me what color they are. Even before we start to understand any patterns in these newly-visible energies, we need to have an understanding of how many colors exist in the data set. Feel free to start when you are ready."

I saw him raise up a freshly-sharpened pencil to his clipboard. I smiled and took another deep breath before looking at the nearby demons. A couple sat admiring the foliage, a bottle of wine between them. I nodded in their direction.

"The one on the left is red; the other one is blue."

Baxter nodded silently as he jotted down these repeated colors. Just then a large male demon waddled down the path, adorned in gold chains and expensive clothing. On either side of him were two very beautiful female demons. A large turkey leg was in his meaty hand, and he routinely moved it to his mouth for a hearty bite. I gestured to this trio.

"The guy in the middle is orange. The ones on either side are yellow, which I haven't seen before."

Baxter noted these colors down as well, scribbling away as I dictated my visions.

An hour or two passed in this way before Baxter laid his pencil down at his side and showed me his work.

"Well, this is a promising start at the very least. Only seven distinguishable colors were seen, although within those color groups you described different levels of intensity in their shades."

I looked at his somewhat chaotic handwriting but managed to decipher his work. Indeed, seven colors were written across the top of the page lengthwise. They happened to follow the traditional seven colors in a rainbow: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. Below each color was a detailed account of why I had seen: their general appearance, the intensity of their color's shade, how rapidly their pools swirled, whether or not their colors flared up at any point during observation, so on and so forth. Looking at the page I could help but burst out laughing, much to Baxter's surprise. He hesitantly placed his hand on my arm.

"Ego! Ego, are you having a fit?! I can perform rudimentary neurosurgery here if you need me to!"

I eventually calmed down, slapping my knee and turning to Baxter.

"I guess Charlie was right. Inside of every there _is_ a rainbow!"


	14. With Flying Colors, Pt. 2

Once Baxter and I were fairly certain there were no other colors to worry about, my fishy friend pulled out another piece of paper and slide it over his clipboard. He took a deep breath and turned to me, as if he were trying to steel himself.

"Right. Now that we have some rudimentary understanding of the color spectrum we're dealing with, we now have to attempt to assign some meaning to each color. Clearly some sort of system exists to divide each individual denizen of Hell a separate aura; we need to figure out what that system is."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Sure, that makes sense, but uh… why do you look so serious?"

Baxter audibly gulped and glanced at the passing demons.

"Well… I have a running theory that the colors may be based on a demon's sins. Do you recall how the angelic energy reacts violently with demonic flesh?"

I nodded.

"Well, I hypothesize that it isn't simply the physical body that the energy reacts with. It's quite possible that demons possess their own form of energy, which in turn is infused into every part of a demon's body."

I frowned and remembered what Id had told me. Exterminators use their tools to kill demons and take their energy for recycling into Imps. It seemed that Baxter was, as usual, completely right. He just didn't know how dire the truth was. Regardless, I tried to maintain my usual expression and not let on that I knew more than he did.

"However, with this new seven-color revelation, it may be possible that demonic energies have a sort of sub-frequency. Going back to my theory, I believe that these seven colors may relate directly to the Seven Deadly Sins of the Christian believe systems. Are you familiar with them?"

Id and I exchanged a quick glance before shaking our heads quickly. Baxter managed to be relaxed enough to groan at our incompetence.

"I swear, the education in this quite-literally-damned place is lacking at best. I suppose for the sake of clarity I will try to explain it to you. As I'm sure you _do_ know, mortal souls are either sent to Hell or Heaven after dying on Earth. For centuries demonic scholars have been trying to understand what exactly dictates where a soul will go, and what decides their fate. Naturally this requires a mixture of mysticism, cultural diversity and theology. Thousands of different ethics systems exist on Earth, and yet there are only two known options. Admittedly, some scientists suggest that multiple different realities exist for every individual belief system, but the evidence of that is dubious at best."

I just stared blankly at Baxter, trying to follow his speech. I admit, it was strange how seemingly everyone from Earth ended up in those two places… or in a jar, if Alastor had his way.

"I digress. As it stands now, Hell and Heaven are the only definite regions. Now, the majority of evidence points towards Christian mysticism being the ruling system. The presence of different angelic and demonic classes is in line with the Bible, the generally believed reasons for being sent to Hell follow the Christian system, and most visibly is the structure of Hell itself."

Baxter pointed up to the sky and I followed his gaze. Far above us, the Pentagram slowly rotated, bathing the entirety of Hell in its gentle rose glow. Baxter continued as we looked to the skies.

"The Pentagram is a prevalent symbol in Satanism, which is more-or-less the antithesis of Christianity. The generally understood theory for its origin is that a group of extremely powerful demons were forced by the most powerful beings in Heaven to construct it above the entirety of Hell. After they finished their task, these demons were slain by their masters and their souls scattered across Hell itself."

I grimaced. I wasn't about to tell Baxter that not only was that theory mostly true, but those same demons were still alive. The Immortal Demons were probably devising ways to regain power at that very moment.

"Furthermore, The Pentagram serves two functions: firstly, it allows newly chosen mortal souls to enter Hell. The process of how a souls re-forms into a physical demon is largely unknown, but it is assumed to be irreversible by any means other than redemption. Secondly, it serves as a one-way gate of sorts. No demon is ever able to leave Hell because of that force; yet angels are free to come and go as they please, as is seen by the annual Exterminations. We're all trapped here, in this eternal cage…"

I looked back down at Baxter, and not just because the thought of being trapped made me feel ill.

"Okay, so, that's all good and all, but what does any of that have to do with the colors?"

Baxter sighed, hal-annoyed at my question and half-resigned to our fate.

"Right, back on topic. If we take it as fact that Christian values rule over the selection process, then it is very likely that the colors you're seeing are related to a principle in Christianity known as the Seven Deadly Sins. This list of seven unforgivable grievances is said to be the underlying cause of Hell's selection process. From least to most severe, the sins are as follows: lust, a twisted version of someone's usual sexual desire; gluttony, the desire for an endless supply of sustenance; greed, an intense need for material possessions; sloth, the lack of desire to achieve or do anything; wrath, pure fury and rage to an extreme degree; envy, coveting what others have, even when you have enough; and finally, pride, the highest form of self-love, in which one values themselves above anything else. If my theory is correct, each of the colors you see encompassing demons is a reflection of the sin that best describes them."

I nodded slowly, starting to get the larger picture.

"So… every demon is in Hell for one of these seven sins, and that sin decides what color their energy is. Makes sense. In that case, how are we going to figure out which color means what sin?"

Baxter's face contorted into a grimace.

"I am afraid we have no other option than to do a horrible, heinous task. Ego, my companion… we have to talk to people."

* * *

Sure enough, a few minutes later Baxter and I were standing in the middle of the garden path. Baxter visibly shook, his pencil clicking against his clipboard nervously. As much as I tried to assure him that I would do all the talking, the very idea of being near unfamiliar demons seemed to chill him to the core. We waited in trepidation for a few moments before a demon came jogging near us. She was wearing overly-revealing sportswear, and strongly resembled an anthropomorphized komodo dragon. I leaned over to Baxter and told him that she had a distinctly red aura. As she neared us I stuck out my hand and waved to her.

"Uh, excuse me, miss!"

She stopped next to us, breathing heavily. It seemed like she was intentionally breathing in a way that made her ample chest move more than was necessary. She looked down at me and licked her lips, a small amount of purple saliva coating her plump lips. I immediately felt nervous around her; her demeanor felt like a sexual predator in the most literal sense of the words. She spoke with the intonation of an adult phone operator.

"Yesss?"

I heard Baxter whimper next to me, but I tried to remain steadfast. Plastering on a fake smile I looked up at her.

"Th-thank you for stopping! My friend and I are taking a survey for… uh… product research."

The lizard woman chuckled seductively and reaching into a pocket on her revealing shorts, pulling out a lollipop, which she sucked seductively.

"Go ahead, sssugar."

I nodded.

"Well, first and foremost, if it's not too personal, would you tell us what you arrived in Hell for?"

The woman chuckled again and knelt down to my height. I could practically smell the pheromones she was giving off, and I began to sweat almost as much as she was. Fluttering her eyelashes at me, she reached up to her lollipop, took it out, and shoved it in my mouth before I could object. She giggled, both menacingly and seductively.

"My bassstard boyfriend killed me for sssleeping with the football team. The _whole_ football team."

Baxter and I just stood there like mannequins, so the lizard demoness laughed a final time, stood up and started walking past us.

"Oh, and by the way, you two really need to get better at lying…"

She slapped my rear end with her tail, making me yelp, before she jogged off again. Baxter and I continued to just stand there for a while before he spoke up in a near-whisper.

"So… lust?"

I nodded slowly, still dazed.

"Yes. Lust."

It wasn't until a few minutes later that I realized I still had her lollipop in my slack-jawed mouth. I pulled it out, and realized in shock that the stem had her Hellphone number printed on it.

About an hour passed with Baxter and me attempting to get decent data from passing demons. For better or worse, we didn't get a single straight answer; instead, nearly every demon assaulted us in some way. Most of the red-mist demons made sexual advances on us, violet demons just told us how great they were before and after death, yellow-aura demons wanted us to pay them for answers, etc. In this way, we actually got better information than we could have hoped for by asking questions. Eventually Baxter and I weakly moved over to the bench and sat down, supremely exhausted. My clothes were disheveled from numerous blue demons trying to beat me up for bothering them. Glancing at Baxter, I couldn't help but sigh heavily. He looked like he had just come back from a war: his expression was blank with a frightening thousand-yard stare. His face was covered in lipstick marks from when a particularly frisky red-aura'd eel-like demon had taken a fancy to him. I managed to speak up after a few minutes of rest.

"Baxter… did we get any answers?..."

He didn't speak but passed me his clipboard in silence. I looked down at his scribbled notes and say that he had actually managed to complete our task: the seven colors were arranged in their prismatic pattern, and beneath them were the seven deadly sins, in order from least severe to most deadly. It was a direct correlation: red went with lust, orange went with gluttony, yellow with greed, and so on. I grunted and passed the clipboard back to him haphazardly.

"Great. All that work and it turns out to be that simple. Good."

A few more minutes passed before I managed to get to my feet.

"Alright, Baxter, let's get back to the hotel and-"

I looked back at the mad scientist, who still sat there catatonic. Id chuckled.

"Shit, he's broken. Do we know anyone that fixes fish? A vet maybe?"

I sighed and walked over to my friend. Crouching down, I put his arms over my shoulders and lifted him onto my back. Thankfully his thin frame wasn't that heavy. I grumbled to myself as I moved back towards the Hazbin Hotel.

"Come on, genius. Let's get you back to the lab."

* * *

I must have gotten a lot of strange looks from passing demons as I half-carried, half-dragged Baxter back home. Honestly I hardly registered their faces anymore; the passing demons were more like multicolored flames to me now, each one telling some story of how they arrived here. It took a conscious effort not to start making judgement calls on everyone I passed; how could I look at a blue demon without worrying about their brutality? How could I smile at a yellow demon when I knew they might just want something from me? I sighed and tried to focus on other things. Eventually I focused on the sounds of the city: cars whizzed by on the street to my right, demons chatted on their Hellphones, music blared from nearby bars, and the TV's in the electronics store I was passing showed a multitude of unsavory channels. Id groaned, seemingly reading my thoughts.

"Ugh. Such a racket makes me wish we were back in the junk ya-"

Id stopped mid-sentence. Pausing in my tracks, I turned to look down at him.

"Id? What's wrong… what?!"

The shadow at my feet seemed to be frozen mid-sentence. It wasn't simply that he had stopped talking; his entire being had been stopped. Above his head floated two parallel vertical lines, which seemed vaguely similar to a typical "pause" symbol on a VCR. Looking around in shock I realized that Id wasn't the only one. The music had stopped playing from the bars, and the cars had all stopped in the middle of the road. Frantically I scanned the demons around me, and sure enough, everyone had that same pause symbol above their head. Placing Baxter gently on the ground, I saw that he had it too. Trying to remain calm, I looked more closely at my surroundings. In addition to the symbol, every demon's aura was slightly different as well. The usual ever-present swirling pools of energy had stopped spinning completely. Glancing back to the cars, I realized that it wasn't just living things. Yes, the drivers had all stopped, but the cars themselves had stopped as well. There were no crashes, as if momentum had stopped entirely. I attempted to calm my breath and listened out for any sort of movement. Eventually I heard a slight crackling to my left. Turning around in growing fear, I saw that the screens on the TVs were still active. Their screens displayed nothing but static and emitted a light crackling sound, before they all suddenly turned off. I waited a moment in shock before the largest television in the center flashed on again, now displaying a demonic face. Two red eyes stared back at me, the left eye possessing concentric black rings with a jagged pupil. A grinning maw of light-blue, jagged teeth seemed to be amused by my anxiety. I knew immediately who it was. The most powerful Overlord in Hell. The Electricity Demon himself. I couldn't help but whisper his voice aloud.

"...Vox…"

* * *

I just stood there for what felt like an eternity as the television stared at me. I had no way to know if he could actually see or hear me, so I decided just to be quiet. Eventually his mouth opened and he vegan to talk. Much like Alastor, Vox's voice was filled with static. However, unlike radio interference, this sounded more like trying to get television signals during a storm.

"You know, most demons bow when they see me."

That brought be back to my senses somewhat. Clearly he could see and hear me, and he was obviously the reason everything had stopped. I stood my ground, my fear hardening into defiance. As a grimace formed on my face, Vox just laughed menacingly.

"Ah. I suppose you aren't most demons then. Then again, I already knew that, halfblood."

My grimace deepened. He obviously knew I was part angel now. Remaining silent, Vox continued.

"Although even before your makeover you were an oddity, child. Two souls attached to one body. What a novelty."

As much as I tried to remain emotionless, I must have revealed my surprise on my face. Vox knew about my origin before I ever did. Vox chuckled again.

"Oh, I know a lot about you, halfblood. More than you know about yourself, it would seem. More importantly, however…"

His smile dropped in an instant, his expression turning to a look of pure rage.

"I know you've been a thorn in my side for far too long."

I recoiled slightly at his change in tone. True to his appearance, he seemed to change personality on a whim with no warning. He continued, his voice filled with anger.

"Do you have any fucking idea how much you're costing me?! Valentino's lost face, both literally and metaphorically, has cost the Overlords much of their reputation! I still have workers trying to get Rosie out of that fucking debris pile!"

I couldn't help but smirk at the comment about the insect-like Overlord that Alastor had trapped, much to Vox's fury. He opened his mouth to speak again, but stopped to compose himself. His expression rapidly shifted back to one of happiness.

"Regardless of if _you_ take the situation seriously or not, I'm here to tell you that your meddling ends. Now."

As he finished his sentence, the other screens in the store began to turn on one after another. Each one had the same demon in different pictures: Niffty. Her smiling face was plastered over and over again: pictures of her sewing, or cleaning, or writing. Some of the pictures showed the two of us watching movies or eating together. I grit my teeth, immediately growing angry and speaking for the first time.

"Don't you dare-"

Vox snarled at me again.

"You are in no position to command me to do shit!"

He paused and composed himself again.

"Now then, if you understand what is at stake for both of us, I think you'll be much more reasonable to follow my demands, yes?"

I ground my teeth together but remained silent, glaring at the television demon. His expression flipped again as he shouted at me.

"Answer when spoken to, you freak! _Do. You. Understand?!_ "

I let out a choked reply.

"Crystal clear."

Vox grinned at me and continued.

"Lovely. In that case, you should have no issues following my instructions perfectly."

The screen nearest to his face flickered, changing from a scene of me and Niffty eating dinner to the clock tower. It was a current image, displaying that only 190 days remained until the next Purge.

"On the day of the Extermination I am going to send my associates to raze the Hazbin Hotel and anyone that is foolish enough to stop me. I don't intend for you to be one of those fools. Do I make myself clear?"

I nodded slowly, rage in my gut.

"Excellent. It's quite simple, really. I don't even need you to partake in the destruction; for all I care, you can take your girl and anyone else you want to save and flee to the other side of Hell."

Vox's eyes lit up like neon tubes as he spoke.

"I'm sure this is redundant, but you are not to tell anyone about my plans. We can't have Alastor getting word, wouldn't you agree?"

I nodded again, showing no emotions.

"Ah, I see why that idiot chose you as his apprentice now. You're good at following directions. Until next time… halfblood."

With that the screens flickered back to their original broadcasts. Sound and movement returned all at once, making me jump slightly. Id continued speaking at my feet.

"-rd. At least the Hellrats were quiet."

I looked around in a panic before trying to regain my senses. Id looked up at me quizzically.

"Yo, what the hell is your deal? When did you put fishdick down?"

I looked down at Id, then back at Baxter, who was still awe-struck by the interaction with other demons. Attempting to steady my breathing, I chuckled slightly.

"Oh, uh… he's heavier than he looks, haha."

Picking Baxter back up and slinging him over my shoulders, I continued trudging back towards the hotel. Id made some comments about Baxter's weight and I tried to listen to the world again, which was easier said than done.

190 days. I had only 190 days to think of a plan to save the hotel.


	15. With Flying Colors, Pt. 3

As I dragged Baxter back to the Hotel I couldn't help but keep glancing back over my shoulder, eyeing the clocktower in the distance with severe anxiety. I couldn't shake the irrational feeling that any second the clock would lose all 190 days remaining and shit would hit the fan, right then and there. No matter how many times I looked, it was still that same number. 190 days. A little over six months before the angels descended on Hell again, reaping any poor soul too slow or too weak to escape their tools. Just over half a year before Vox sends his cronies to tear down the Hazbin Hotel and kill anyone still standing inside it. As the Hotel came within my sight I couldn't help but feel like throwing up from a mixture of sadness and fear. I didn't care about myself at all; I had lived all my afterlife in trash. The life I thought I had lived on Earth was nothing more than an amalgamation of past sinner's lives. Even my own body was a hand-me-down, a stitched together pile of sins. I could go back to the trash piles easily.

Unfortunately, it wasn't just about me anymore. I had more to care about than myself: Vaggie's pained love for Charlie, Charlie's sincere optimism, Husk's reluctant love, Angel's brash independence… and Niffty... As I reached the front door of the Hotel I stopped, my fingers gently touching the doorknob. I tried to stifle back a sob, not wanting to let Id know that anything was wrong, lest he try and find out the truth. It was only marginally effective as my mind focused on the real reason I wanted to protect the Hotel.

Niffty was the first demon to ever show me genuine kindness. She was the first soul to ever see me as more than just a tool, or trash, or a failure. Niffty showed me that not everyone in Hell is destined to live in agony. She was too good for me, for any of this. I felt the tears start to run down my face as I stood at the door frame, too afraid of the future to move forward. I couldn't tell her anything. I couldn't reveal the truth to anyone or Vox would know. Without so much as lifting a finger, Vox had hurt me more than any other demon ever had. Using only his words, the television demon had locked me into a position of pure despair. Trying my damnedest not to have a mental breakdown right then and there I sniffled and pushed open the door. Id looked up at my quizically as I walked into the lobby.

"Seriously, what is up with you today? Was talking to those fuckers really that bad?"

I glanced down at him, too weak to answer. He opened his mouth to insult me, but I must have looked pitiful enough for even him to let off the trash-talk. Instead he just sighed and put his hand behind his head as I dragged Baxter to the service elevator.

"Eh, whatever it is, I'm not here to be your therapist."

I glanced towards the dining hall and heard muffled humming and the clatter of pots and pans. Niffty was no doubt making dinner. Thinking of her just made me ache, so I tried to just get Baxter in bed. Pulling us into the elevator, I pushed the button for the basement and leaned on the back wall, destitute.

* * *

A few minutes later I was opening the lab door and pulling Baxter over to his ramshackle living quarters. Boxes of leftover asian food and pizza boxes lay scattered around his dingy sleeping bag. I smirked slightly and hefted him onto his 'bed'. Tucking him in slightly I couldn't help but chuckle sadly.

"Heheh. Guess we're both used to sleeping in the dumps, huh Bax?"

He didn't answer, but I saw his eyes slowly close, as if he realized he was somewhere safe now. I sighed forlornly. I obviously couldn't tell Baxter about Vox's plan either. Standing up I looked around his lab, the light turquoise light reminding me of the sinful auras I saw around every now. It was as if the whole room was wrathful, the entire hotel angry at the fate that was to befall it. I sighed again, feeling empty. Walking back to the service elevator I moved my hand to push the button for the lobby, planning to offer Niffty help with making dinner. However, my hand stopped just short, my stomach turning at the idea of having to lie to the demoness I loved more than anything else. Instead I moved my finger up and pushed the button for the roof. Id raised an eyebrow at me but stayed quiet.

Moments later the elevator dinged, signifying that we had reached the roof. Stepping outside, I felt the warm air hit my face, the usual atmosphere for this hellscape we called home. Moving to the edge I looked out over the city below. It was nearing dusk, and the Pentagram above was slowly dimming to signify that night was fast approaching. I sighed and sat on the ledge, staring down at the street below. Truth be told, I had hoped Vaggie would be there; she was the only other demon I knew with a situation similar to mine, struggling to carry someone's happiness on their shoulders. Then, for a brief moment, another thought crossed my mind. I could jump…

I sighed and pushed the thought aside. It wasn't like that would kill me anyway, plus I wouldn't do that to Niffty. Still, it was telling that my mind would conjure that idea at all. I tried to mentally change the subject, and instead looked up at the floating sigil above. I grimaced at it as it slowly rotated benignly above us, deceptively peaceful for a demonic symbol. Sure, it allowed demons to come to Hell in the first place, but it was nothing more than a one-way portal. We were all trapped here, every sinner in Hell stuck under the gaze of the angels above. Straining my eyes I could see Heaven itself, the light blue orb that seemed both close enough to grasp and impossibly far away. A massive halo spun above that world, but unlike us, angels had the freedom to go wherever they pleased. Grunting in exasperation, I stretched my arms backwards and started preparing myself mentally to go eat dinner. Yet, as I moved my arms, I felt my newly acquired wings brush past my fingertips. Sitting straight again, I tried to move my new appendages. Surprisingly they flexed easily, moving more naturally than I would have expected, responding as simple as I could move my fingers. Wrapping my wings around my torso I looked down at them more closely. At first I thought they were simply black, but looking closer, I saw that the feathers were actually a deep shade of purple that seemed to shimmer ever so slightly whenever light struck them. The red, droplet-shaped markings also shimmered in light, but more substantially, making it seem like they were actually liquid blood. The wings felt warm around my body; I could sense they were strong and durable. I smiled slightly. At first I had been furious at my new body, caught somewhere in between a demon and an angel, but I was starting to get used to the idea of being something else.

Suddenly another strange idea occurred to me. I stared back up at Heaven wide-eyed, then back at the Pentagram. I spoke out loud, musing to myself.

"The Pentagram keeps in all the demons in Hell…"

Id scoffed, answering the redundant statement.

"Yeah, so? It's not like we were going anywhere anyway."

I looked down at Id, grinning now with newfound optimism.

"Yeah, but we're not really demons anymore, are we?"

Id paused for a moment before my idea became evident to him. I quickly stood up and rushed to the elevator while Id yelled at me from the floor.

"Wait, you can't be serious! You'll get us both killed you fuckwit!"

* * *

I rushed into the lobby then sprinted to the dining room. Everyone was already seated, and looked at me strangely as I stormed in. Niffty pouted at me.

"Ego, are you alright? You look really out of breath and tired. Plus you're never late for dinner…"

I nodded quickly and walked over to my seat next to her. Sitting down quickly I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, making her blush.

"Oh, I'm fantastic! I feel like a new imp!"

Looking back at the other staff members, I saw they were staring at me with confusion and slight worry. Alastor especially was eyeing me like a cat judging a playtoy. Serving myself some food and trying to seem more normal, I glanced over at Husk. The feline gambler was pouring some wine into his vodka, and had gone back to not caring about the situation. I took a few bites of Niffty's delicious cooking, swallowed and then looked at Husk directly, grinning.

"Hey, Husk, can I ask you a favor?"

Husk swirled his drink as he answered.

"Depends, kid: what is it and what's in it for me?"

He started taking a long drink from his glass as I replied.

"I want you to teach me how to fly!"

Husk's eyes immediately widened. He turned to Angel and spat out his drink in surprise, much to the spider's annoyance. Then he looked back at me, genuinely shaken.

"What?! Why the fuck do you want to do that?"

I shrugged nonchalantly but kept grinning.

"Eh, I thought it would be useful to use these new wings. Could help with lifting bags to higher floors, running errands, that sort of thing."

Husk looked at me warily, scanning me up and down. He then sighed and started re-pouring his drink.

"Oh for fuck's sake… it's not that easy, kid. Besides I haven't flown in years…"

Charlie raised her eyebrows at him.

"Wait, you can actually fly Husk?"

Husk grumbled a reply as he mixed his alcohol.

"Yeah, I can. Not all it's cracked up to be. Most of the bastards around here get real jealous of flying demons and try to shoot us down. Crab mentality."

Husker looked back at me dead in the eye, seemingly analyzing me. I don't know if he saw my poorly-hidden ulterior motive, or some sort of determination, or maybe just pity, but eventually he sighed and placed down his drink, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Fine, kid. We start tomorrow whenever I wake up. You better not complain how hard it is, or it's over."

I thanked Husk profusely until he told me to be quiet. The rest of the dinner continued more-or-less as planned, but out of the corner of my eye I noticed that Alastor kept staring at me, grinning coyly. I couldn't help but wonder if he knew the truth of my plans...


	16. With Flying Colors, Pt. 4

After Niffty's ever-delicious dinner, and Husk's reluctant promise, I made it a point to excuse myself earlier than usual to ensure I got a good night's rest. I kissed Niffty on the cheek as I left, which made her giggle. Angel tried to pull a similar move on Husk, with much less success.

As I closed the door to my suite behind me, Id spoke up for the first time since we had returned to the hotel.

"For fuck's sake, Ego, you're not actually thinking about flying up there to Heaven, are you?!"

I sighed and walked over to the full-length mirror as I answered.

"Id, I have to keep the hotel safe. In 190 days, the angels will come down to cleanse every-"

Id spoke up again, louder this time and with more anger.

"Oh, don't give me that heroic shit! What I wanna know is if this has something to do with the gap in your memory!"

I raised my eyebrows and looked down at my malignant shadow.

"Wait… what gap?"

Id scoffed.

"The one from earlier today. I'm usually able to read all the thoughts inside our squishy little head, but for some reason there's a gap from around when we were dragging fish dick back. Plus, ever since then you've been acting even weirder than usual."

I froze up and quickly turned from Id, looking at my wings in the mirror. I tried my best to reply in a way that seemed natural.

"Uh, maybe we both just forgot something? It was a stressful day after all…"

I tried my damndest to think about anything but the truth. The 'gap' in my memory was obviously my impromptu conversation with Vox; somehow him pausing everything erased everyone's memory but mine. I struggled to think about anything else without seeming too obvious that I was trying to avoid that thought. Id glared up at me from the corner of my eye. Flexing my wings, I watched as the rainbows from the chandelier above turned to deep purple sparkles on my plumage. Sighing once more, I returned to the original topic.

"I'm going to learn to fly to protect the hotel, Id. That's all."

A few tense moments passed before Id grumbled a response.

"Fuck it. Whatever hair-brained idea you have planned, it just better not get me airsick."

* * *

Keeping to my word, I awoke the next morning at the crack of dawn. Getting myself ready, I found that, even with the looming threat a few months away, I was genuinely excited to take to the skies. From what I understood, most flying demons entered Hell already knowing how to fly. It was apparently second nature to them, like running or swimming. I suppose I felt a similar sort of way: my wings moved how I wanted them to, spreading and folding as easily as I moved my fingers. Still, I needed Husk to tell me how to turn moving my wings into actually lifting my body up.

The lobby was empty once again, which was typical for the early mornings. As usual, I heard Husk snoring from behind the counter. I knew better than to wake him up, so instead I busied myself with my busboy duties: organizing the luggage carts, checking to make sure none of the tenants were leaving today, that sort of thing. After an hour or so I was out of immediate things to do, so I considered my plan. Glancing down at my feet, I saw that Id was half-asleep still, so I took the moment to organize my thoughts.

Id was right. Going straight to Heaven was suicidal at best, and likely to get the hotel destroyed ahead of schedule at worst. Even with my boiling blood and durability, the citizens of Heaven could still probably rip me to shreds. Plus they scared the shit out of me on a personal level. If I was going to keep the people I care about safe, I was going to need weapons and armor. Luckily for me, the best inventor I knew lived right below me. Making sure Husk wasn't about to wake up, I quietly walked over to the service elevator and pressed the button for the basement.

* * *

The moving shadows coming from under Baxter's laboratory door hinted that either he was awake, or one of his experiments had gotten loose. I raised my hand and knocked on the door three times.

"Hey, Bax! It's me, Ego. Can I come in?"

The shadow stopped and hobbled towards the door. With much less unusual vigor than was typical, Baxter opened the door. I nearly recoiled from the sight of him: he looked positively hungover, with baggy eyes and an ice pack held against his temple. He looked at me wearily.

"Yes, yes. Come in, my compatriot…"

He slowly turned around and shuffled back to his workbench, mumbling to me as I entered.

"I'm afraid you'll have to excuse the catastrophic mess. The intense societal interaction yesterday has ravaged my psyche to the point of near-madness."

Glancing around the room I couldn't tell if the lab was actually any more or less of a jumbled collection of gadgets than usual. Turning back to Baxter I saw that he was pouring some brown liquid into a mug from what looked like a test tube. He picked it up and gestured in my direction.

"Care for some coffee? My own special blend of netheroot, ligaments and nutmeg. Tastes far better than it sounds, I assure you."

I smirked. He was still Baxter.

"No thanks, Baxter, I'm plenty awake already."

Baxter shrugged and sipped his mug. A moment or two passed in silence before I opened my mouth to speak again. However, befound I could, Baxter gently placed down his mug on the workbench and spoke in a somber tone.

"I assume you're here to discuss something related to the temporal anomaly that occured yesterday?"

I quickly shut my mouth and stared at him. As usual Baxter was three steps ahead of me. I simply stood there as he continued, his usual enthusiasm slowly returning, this time mixed with a bit of odd seriousness.

"Approximately 24 minutes after I lapsed into a trauma-induced pseudo-coma, my scanners indicate that the time-space continuum had a temporal abnormality in which a section of the universal timeline was effectively removed from causality. This so-called 'gap' in the universe lasted for approximately 16 minutes and 36 seconds before reality resumed its natural pace."

I stared at him flabbergasted.

"How… how can you tell all that if you… if we're all in the timeline or whatever?"

Baxter smirked slightly and swiveled in his chair, looking at me with that usual gleam in his eye.

"Why, because I analyzed you of course, my woefully ignorant ally!"

I froze up, making him giggle-snort in response. Once he calmed down I tried to laugh with him, but it was clearly forced. From the sounds of it Baxter definitely knew that something happened, but I doubt he knew how serious things were. I jutted into the laughter.

"Heh, so, uh, what about me tipped you off?"

Baxter took a more hearty swig of his vile coffee before replying.

"Oh, I make it a point to run various scans on all of the hotel's denizens during the night. Heat signatures, vapor emissions, neurological activity, that sort of thing. In this case my readings were indicating that the quarks in your body happened to be approximately 16 minutes older than those in every other demon's body."

I had known Baxter long enough to not be phased by the reveal that he was scanning everyone with weird machines. Instead I was simply dreading the obvious question to follow. Baxter took a long drink before turning to look at me, as serious as I had ever seen him.

"Ego. Judging by your pre-existing knowledge of this gap, I'm sure you were conscious of the events that occurred during the temporal freeze. So, then… what happened?"

I tried to look him in the eye, but could only manage staring at his tacky shoes as I stumbled for a response.

"I… Baxter, I can't… tell you…"

Suddenly a beeping on a monitor to Baxter's left made me look up. Baxter glanced at it then snorted once again.

"Ah. Just as I suspected. Your increased body temperature, cardiovascular activity and respiratory fluctuations all indicate that, for one reason or another, revealing the event or events that unfolded in that time would go beyond simple embarrassment to the realm of endangering us."

My best friend raised his hand to his chin, pondering the situation as I stared at him in awe.

"If I had to surmise, this temporal event was most likely a targeted attack at you specifically from some powerful paranormal force; a fearsome demon, perhaps, or an angelic presence. Regardless of the source, you, Ego, were likely targeted due to your powerful abilities and, as such, you are now being blackmailed into an oath of secrecy, lest you bring down the wrath of whatever force is controlling you."

He took another sip from his mug before looking back at me with that same gleam.

"Of course, you should not, or perhaps physically cannot, reveal any specific details, so simply shake or nod your head in response: am I correct, Ego?"

I felt tears of relief starting to well in my eyes. In so many convoluted words, Baxter had relieved me of the crushing loneliness of my situation. Even if he didn't know the exact details, he didn't need to; he had figured out everything without me telling him. I frantically nodded in agreement. Baxter smirked and got to his feet once more, notably more at-ease than a few minutes ago.

"In that case, old chum, if you are to face off against some sort of horrendous spectral force, you're going to need some of the armaments I've been concocting just for an event such as this! This way!"

* * *

I excitedly followed Baxter over to a rather large padlocked cabinet, the sort of thing you might expect to see in a highschool chemistry lab. I watched as Baxter reached into his own mouth and, without missing a beat, unscrewed one of his teeth. Pulling out his tooth I saw that the bottom was shaped like some sort of spiral key, which he then inserted into the padlock. At this point I couldn't help but speak up.

"Sweet Satan, Baxter, how many of your teeth are keys?!"

Baxter finished unlocking the cabinet and shrugged before returning his tooth.

"Oh, only a couple of them. Most of them serve other functions."

I decided to drop it as he slowly opened the bland-looking cabinet. My eyes widened at the contents, which were anything but boring. The first thing to catch my eye was a large serrated blade, roughly the size of a machete, which extended diagonally across the back wall of the cabinet. It seemed to catch the eerie light from the lab at odd angles, almost as if it were moving on its own. Each individual tooth on the edge was like a small prism, twisting the light into brilliant patterns. Eventually my eyes wandered to the rest of the cabinet. A sort of ammo belt was positioned at roughly waist height. It was made out of some sort of reddish-brown, leather-like material, and had five small pouches along the outside. However, instead of bullets or grenades, each pocket had a small palm-sized flask of white goo. I realized in shock that each of those flasks contained Baxter's mixture of my blood and the pure angelic energy. I gulped when I realized that they were, in fact, grenades. Finally I looked at the bottom of the cabinet which, somewhat anticlimactically, was just housing what looked like a simple rag.

After a few minutes of gawking I looked back at Baxter.

"Wow… so, you just made these on the off chance I would be contacted by some evil force?"

Baxter shrugged once again.

"Yes. That, and I do enjoy crafting implements of destruction. Now, allow me to run you through your arsenal. As tradition would have it, I shall save the best for last…"

Kneeling down, Baxter picked up the rag from the bottom of the case. It was navy blue in color, and as he held it up to the light I saw that it shimmered with a sort of wave-like glow.

"This innocuous rag is a specially designed hyper-absorbent nano-particle cloth."

He handed it to me gently, and I picked it up expecting it to explode or something. Instead it felt like a normal dish rag. I raised my eyebrow at him.

"Wait, so… you made a Shamwow?"

Baxter sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Always the juvenile, Ego. This is no mere sponge! The fine crystalline structure is only designed to soak up blood of any sort, be it demon, angel or mortal. It is intended to stop the bleeding you induce on yourself when using the B.L.A.D.E. faster than normal cloth. Additionally, it can be used to neutralize our next weapon."

I looked down at the cloth and Baxter took out the belt. To be fair to the fishy genius, he didn't say it was the most exciting, and it was probably going to be useful. I looked back up as Baxter delicately held the belt. He nodded down at the material itself.

"The base of this belt is made from the hide of the rare Daemonicus Pinkarus, or Pinky in layman's terms. Their hide is extremely durable, able to withstand thousands of tons of pressure before showing any wear, while still being remarkably light. That isn't the key feature, though…"

Baxter took out one of the flasks of goo. He grinned cheekily as he held it up to me, much to my dismay.

"Um, Baxter, is that the angel goop?"

My friend cackled and snorted worryingly.

"Precisely! Consider each of these flasks a miniature nuclear bomb! Simply chuck it at any source of demonic energy and watch as it gets annihilated…"

Baxter looked off into space thoughtfully.

"Although, truth be told you may not want to look directly at the target as they are struck. Even though you are largely immune to this substance in your new hybrid state, you may go blind from the flash…"

I carefully took the flask from him, put it back in the belt, and put the whole things off to the side.

"Riiiight… well, if I need to destroy an entire city I'll know what to use… So, what about…"

I looked back at the sword. I felt almost entranced by it, as if it were calling out to me. I heard Baxter cackle from my peripheral vision.

"Ohoho, you do have an eye for the finer things after all!"

As he reached out to take the machete, he made sure not to touch the edge even slightly. This time he handed the item to me before explaining. I gripped the handle, which was made of that same red-brown hide of some poor demon, and tested the weight. Somewhat to my surprise, it felt perfectly balanced, as if it had been made perfectly for me; although, knowing the data Baxter likely had on everyone, he probably checked my bone structure when making it. Still, it felt exceptional to hold, and moving it around was a treat. From up close the actual blade was even more beautiful: the base metal was some sort of white steel, like polished marble, which each tooth of the blade was like quartz. Upon closer inspection I saw that the teeth weren't actually affixed directly to the blade; in fact, it seemed more like a chainsaw, with individual spikes strapped to a chain that looped around the outer edge before entering a hole at the tip and exiting a hole near the handle. I glanced over at Baxter in sheer awe.

"Baxter… holy shit… what even is this?"

Baxter snorted triumphantly.

" _That_ , my friend, is perhaps one of the most fantastic inventions I have ever made… in the last month."

He pointed to the white metal.

"This alloy is of my own design: a combination of Alabaster Angelite and fumes infused using Sorrowful Sulfur. The combination of fallen angelic metal and pure hellish gases lends itself to a metal that is as strong as it is stunning. I figured that a half-breed metal would be perfectly suited for a demiangel such as yourself."

He gave me a knowing wink before continuing, this time pointing at the blades themselves.

"Now for the 'business end', as it were. Each of these small blades has been individually crafted from Prismatic Obsidian, a rare and incredibly sharp material created from the cooling of primordial magma. It is one of only three materials able to truly kill an angel and/or a demon, the others being the yet-unknown metal that encompases Exterminator tools, and a scathing insult about one's mother!"

Baxter snorted loudly, enjoying his own joke while I stared on in amazement. Once he cooled down again I sputtered out a question.

"Bax… where in Hell did you get any of this stuff?!"

Baxter shrugged once again, as if my question were idiotic.

"Oh, once you start to learn the ins and outs of the scientific community, nothing is too difficult to acquire. In fact, I was able to get quite a nice deal on that obsidian in exchange for a few bags of my coffee. The offer still stands to try some, it is quite good."

I blinked slowly, trying to wrap my head around someone selling a material that can kill angels for coffee. Nevertheless, Baxter grinned once more and continued.

"You have yet to see the true beauty, Ego! Press the button on the grip!"

I snapped out of it and looked down. Sure enough, below where I had instinctively put my thumb was a small button. I depressed my thumb slightly, and suddenly the blade whirred to life. The glimmering teeth began to rapidly move along the length of the blade before vanishing into the blade itself and re-emerging at the base. The machete was suddenly a single-handed chainsaw, but more than that, it was a sight to behold. The glimmering obsidian caught the light perfectly, which then reflected to the next blade, and so one and so on. The entire blade was soon basked in a stunning, shifting rainbow of colors. Baxter and I stood there and watched in awe as my weapon purred away, an almost inaudible whirring accompanying the spectacle.

Eventually I pulled myself together and pressed the button once again, which slowed the teeth to a halt. Moments passed in stunned silence as Baxter and I took in his work. Eventually I broke the silence in a whisper.

"...Wow…"

Baxter giggle-snorted.

"Told you it was my best work yet. However, it is missing something…"

I looked at him.

"What could it be missing? It's perfect."

Baxter smirked back at me.

"It's missing a name, Ego. If you are going to defend this place from some unfathomable force, you'll need a weapon that is worthy of legends. All legendary weapons need a name. I left that part up to you."

I looked down at my new blade, musing aloud to myself as I pondered.

"It's going to be with me in battle… ripping and tearing through anything and everything… ripping and tearing… rip 'n' tear…"

I smiled at my reflection in the white metal. A half-breed reflecting a half-breed.

"...Repenter. It's the Repenter."

Baxter chuckled softly.

"So it is."

Suddenly the clock on the wall chimed with a small mechanical bird. I looked up in shock.

"Wait, how long have I been here?! What about Husk?!"

Baxter waved his hand flippantly at my concern.

"Oh, please. The drunkard feline doesn't wake until at least 2 in the afternoon. You still have…"

Baxter glanced at his writchwatch.

"...7 minutes… oh dear."

I froze for a moment before panic set in. I slid Repenter into its sheath, slung it over my back, then picked up the duffel bag Baxter had made to hold the belt and cloth. I shouted back at Baxter as I dashed to the elevator.

"Thanks for everything, Baxter! I owe you one!"

Baxter shouted back from the doorway.

"Oh please, the data you provided on the temporal anomaly is more than enough repayment! I'll have that time machine up and working in no time!"

I decided not to wonder if he was kidding or not as I mashed the 'up' button on the service elevator.


	17. With Flying Colors, Pt. 5

The service elevator felt agonizingly slow as it trundled up to the lobby. I desperately hoped Husk wasn't awake yet. As I fidgeted with the sheath for Repenter, I heard a growling at my feet. Looking down I saw that, true to his lazy nature, Id was just now waking up. I smirked in relief; I really didn't feel the need to explain to my shadow why Baxter had given me an arsenal of weapons. Id groggily surveyed the surroundings before casting a look my way.

"Ugh, you're up already? You work too hard, nerd."

I raised an eyebrow and scoffed at him.

"Id, it's about 2 in the afternoon. Most people have been awake for hours."

Id scratched his back (could he even get itches?) and motioned to the duffle bag and sheathe I was carrying.

"Yeah, well, most people are nerds. Anyway what's with the bags? They finally kick us out?"

I rolled my eyes at Id before lying.

"Ugh. No, Id. I'm learning to fly today, remember? This is some… training gear, just in case."

Id squinted at me before shrugging.

"Eh, if you wanna fall off a building, be my guest. I'm staying on the ground."

I hadn't even considered how Id would deal with flying. By the sounds of it he would just be projected on the ground beneath me. I decided to wait and see as the elevator dinged and I entered the lobby.

* * *

As I had feared, Husk was awake and standing at the front desk/bar, scowling. As he saw me, his scowl deepened and he took another swig from his mug. As I walked closer to him sheepishly I could smell black coffee and alcohol. Husk frowned down at me.

"You're late, kid."

I looked at my feet in embarrassment.

"Sorry. I was helping Baxter with something". Not a total lie.

Husk glared at me before sighing.

"Whatever. Come on, we're going to the roof."

I looked up suddenly in surprise before following Husk back to the service elevator.

"Uh, the roof? Shouldn't we start in a field or parking lot or some-"

Husk scowled down at me.

"Oi. What did I fucking say about complaining? If you don't want to learn my way, then I can go back to drinking."

He took another sip from his vile drink and I shut my mouth. I glanced down to see Id grinning up at me, obviously loving the abuse my new flight teacher was giving me.

I half expected to see Vaggie sitting on the roof's edge, but no such luck. Instead the hellscape spread out away from us, the ominous clocktower in the distance. Looking at it made me feel ill, so instead I placed my bags carefully by the exit door and followed Husk to the edge. He stared off blankly at the city below, not looking at me as I stood beside him. Eventually I broke the silence.

"So, uh… how do we start?"

Husk waited another moment in silence before giving me a sidelong look.

"Can you move your wings?"

I raised an eyebrow and nodded, flexing my wings easily as I replied.

"Yeah, I can. They move pretty easil- augh!"

I was cut short as Husk took his fee hand and shoved me hard in the back, sending me off the roof. It took a good second or two for my mind to process what was actually happening as I tumbled downwards. I tried to suppress my panic, with little luck, as I screamed and tried to get me wings to catch enough air to slow my descent. Unfortunately for me all I accomplished was clipping a wing on a potted plant on someone's balcony. A moment later I hit the ground with a loud thud, followed a second later by the potted plant landing squarely on my head.

I just lay there for a moment, a wide range of emotions flooding over me. Pain, while not an emotion, was fueling most my thoughts at that moment. I was briefly thankful that my body was weird and could heal so quickly, but my gratitude was almost immediately overwhelmed by rage. As I struggled to my knees I muttered some empty threats at Husk, who was most likely still standing on the roof high above. Just as I was getting back on my feet, another heavy object hit me square in the back, making me yell and collapse forward again. All the while Id was in hysterics at my dismay. Rolling onto my side to see what had hit me, I saw that it was a brick. More than that, a note was wrapped around the outside of it and tied with some twine. I could clearly read the message on it, written in lilting, messy handwriting.

"Fly back up. Don't enter the hotel or the deal's off. No one else will help. Good luck, fucker.

-Husk"

I simply laid there agasp at the note. This was the cat's idea of training?! No instructions, a shove off the roof and a brick in the back?! A few seconds later all feelings of pain were pushed out of my mind as I grit my teeth together and struggled to my feet. My body had pretty much fully healed already, but I felt another sensation: my blood beginning to heat up. I looked down at my hands before clenching them, speaking aloud.

"I'm gonna make that bastard sorry."

Ignoring Id's constant laughter, I whirled around and examined the Hotel. It was about 10 stories to the roof. There were some footholds I might be able to use, but all of the windows were shut. I glanced at the hotel entrance, wondering if I should just use the elevator. Then I frowned and grit my teeth harder, my blood heating up further. That would just prove that I was a failure. I was through being judged by people. Instead I looked backwards at my wings. The wing that had clipped the plant was already fully healed, thankfully, showing that they healed as well as any other part of my body. I flexed them again, moving them easily. I sighed in annoyance; sure I could move them well enough, but I had no idea what the technique was. Eventually I decided to back away from the hotel (mostly out of a fear that Husk would throw more bricks) and stood in the hotel parking lot.

* * *

I spent the first twenty or so minutes just experimenting with stuff. I'm sure I looked like an absolute moron, jumping up and down and flapping my wings at different rhythms, trying to get a running start before diving head-first into the pavement, all sorts of weird methods. After my fifth or so faceplant I took a rest next to a lamp post, out of breath and frustrated. Id chuckled next to me as I panted.

"Have you considered you may be a flightless bird? You do remind me a lot of a dodo!"

He burst out laughing again, only to be interrupted by something splatting onto his face. Id yelped and moved away from the white liquid on the hard cement.

"What the fuck was that?! Some fucker just wank off a building?!"

We both looked up to see the source of the substance: there, on top of the lamp post, was a softly cooing Hellbat. I watched it intently as another landed next to it, cooing with it as they sat together. Their neon-orange fur and messiness made them pests to almost everyone in the city; 'rats of the sky' they called them. Personally I had always liked them. Back in the junkyard they were some of my only friends. I would feed them some spare scraps, and they would let me pet them after a while. I kept looking at them before mimicking their cooing, a trick I had learned in the junkyard. They perked up their heads and fluttered down to me, perching on my shoes and tilting their heads at me quizzically. Id grunted in disgust.

"You and those goddamn flying rats. I suppose it makes sense; you're both vermin."

I cast him an annoyed glance before cooing some more, reaching my hand out slowly towards them. They backed away slowly in fear of me, but eventually my fingers reached under the right bat's chin. I scratched him gently, and it made a sort of cooing-purring sound. The other bat looked at its mate before squealing for attention as well. I chuckled and reached my other hand to it.

"Okay, okay. You get some pets too."

I just sat there and pet those two bats for a few minutes before Id spoke up again, a twinge of panic in his voice.

"Um… Ego?..."

I looked over at him, expecting to be hit with another joke at my expense. Instead my eyes widened at the large puddle of orange fur around us. While I had been sitting there, roughly 20 more Hellbats had decided to crowd around me. They looked up at me with big, non-threatening eyes. Id seemed to be unnerved by the whole sitatuation, but I just smiled at the gathered bats.

"Well, hello there. Uh… I don't suppose you can teach me how to fly, can you?"

A few odd coos rang out from the herd. I sighed before chuckling to myself.

"I've actually lost it. Talking to Hellbats."

Id scoffed slightly, keeping his distance from the bats that eyed him with curiosity.

"To be fair, Ego, you've always been crazy."

Just then the two bats I had been petting squeaked at the crowd. I watched in amazement as they seemed to have a whole speech, with the rest of the Hellbats listening in rapt attention. Once they were finished all of the bats simultaneously backed away from me, creating a parting in the crowd. The two bats then jumped off of my shoes and waddled down the path. After a moment they looked back at me and cooed. I looked at Id and smiled as he frowned.

"For fuck's sake, please don't follow the bats."

I followed the bats.

* * *

Any onlookers must have thought I was some sort of twisted Pied Piper: two orange, fuzzy bats marched side-by-side, with a winged imp and a sentient shadow behind them, and finally a small army of Hellbats following it all. The leader bats led me down a series of twisting alleys to a small empty lot. I looked around in amazement: the small lot was hidden away from the rest of Hell by large multi-story buildings. No windows looked out onto the lot, and the only light came from the Pentagram far above. Even more astounding was the small mounds of trash in the lot that had been sculpted into ornate tree-like structures. I realized in happy bemusement that these were the bats' homes; the army following me quickly scattered out to their respective dens, snuggling down while watching me with keen eyes. The two bats ahead of me, however, fly up and perched on a sort of raised plateau or stage. I watched as they fluttered their wings slightly before nodding in my direction. I fluttered my own wings back before sighing.

"Yeah, my wings work fine, and I can move them easily. The issue is I don't know how to actually fly…"

Id looked at me in shock.

"Are you actually having a conversations with the goddamn winged rats-"

He was cut short by another bat defecating onto him. Id began to shout expletives and shake his fists fruitlessly at some nearby junk-houses. I sighed and looked back at the leaders.

"Uh, sorry about him. If it helps he's always like that…"

The bats nodded before squeaking to each other for a moment. They then nodded again before calling out to the houses. Moments later a single larger-than-average bat flew down and sort of kneeled before the other bats. The leaders then squaked some sort of orders to it before nodding in my direction. The large bat nodded before standing in profile in between the leader bats. It extended its large wings outwards, giving me a large profile view of its body. The bats then nodded to me and fluttered their wings once more. I followed what I assumed they meant and stretched out my wings to my full extent. The bats around seemed to coo in approval as the red light from above glimmered off of my deep purple plumage. Nodding once more, they squeaked at the large bat, who began to slowly and deliberately move his wings in a sort of tilted semicircle pattern. They looked back at me, and I tried to follow their instructions. To my surprise, as I moved my wings this way, I saw bits of trash on the ground move slightly. I realized in sudden joy that my wings were making a lot more downward force than they had with me just flapping them randomly. Trying to calm my growing excitement, I looked back at my true teachers, eager for more lessons.

* * *

A few hours later I was once again led to the parking lot by the leaders and trailed by the remaining Hellbats. We stood near the hotel as I knelt down to the leaders, petting them on the head gently.

"Thank you for everything. I'll be sure to repay you all very soon."

They cooed happily back to me while Id grumbled something about calling an exterminator. The bats moved away to give me space. I eyed up the top of the hotel, judging mentally how much force I needed to use. Crouching down slightly, I spread my wings wide before simultaneously jumping up and flapping my wings downward. I rapidly shot up a few stories before flapping again. I laughed out loud at the sensation of wind rushing through my hair, the lights of the city flashing away behind me. I shot by the roof of the hotel and looked down, spotting Husk drinking a beer and lounging on a pool chair. Grinning to myself, I turned around in mid-air and swooped down on him. Husk only had a moment to understand the situation before I had grabbed him by both arms and dragged him off the roof into midair. He looked up at me aghast.

"What the fuck?! How did you-"

"Thanks for nothing, Husk!" I shouted back, dropping him a block or two away before circling back to the hotel, the sounds of Husk cursing me at my back.

* * *

Everyone at the hotel was shocked with the amount of progress I had made. Vaggie and Charlie congratulated me, while Alastor simply eyed me with that same amusement he had been looking at me with for the last few days. I made a point to hug Niffty extra tight, wrapping my wings around her. I kissed for a few moments before pulling back. She gave me her wonderful grin.

"Oh my gosh, you absolutely have to take me flying!"

I grinned back and nodded.

"For you I'd go pull Heaven down, sweetheart."

My beloved blushed pecked me on the cheek. Just then the front door of the hotel swung open. Everyone looked to see none other than Husker, covered in ash and dust. If looks could kill, Husk would be committing genocide. Angel scoffed.

"Husk, honey, the rugged look isn't suiting you."

Husk didn't even reply to the spider, instead storming right past him. He stopped in front of me, put up two middle fingers in silence, then walked over to the bar and began to drink various bottles faster than I had ever seen him. Vaggie raised an eyebrow at me.

"What's his deal?"

I smirked back at her.

"Uh… long story."

* * *

Niffty made my favorite dinner to celebrate, although Husk was too blackout drunk to attend. I felt more happy than I had since the meeting with Vox; it seemed as if things might actually turn out alright. After dinner I helped Niffty clean up, but asked her for some of the leftovers to go. She looked at me confused.

"Uh, sure thing sweetie, but why?"

I smiled back and kissed her on the cheek.

"I promised some friends I would treat them to your wonderful cooking."

Niffty giggled before packing me a few doggy bags. Thanking her, I walked through the lobby, into the parking lot and into the alleyways.

The Hellbat's lot was alive with activity: the leaders were handing out meals to the crowd in an organized manner. They all turned and cooed at me as I entered. Kneeling down before them, I placed the bags of food in front of the podium. The bats looked inside before cooing in excitement. They flew onto my shoulders and nuzzled my cheeks, making me laugh.

"Hah, it's the least I could do for all of your help. Eat up!"

I spent the next couple hours with the bats, sitting with them while they dined in the lot away from Hell.


End file.
